Boundaries

I was asked about 10 days ago, for my phone number so a gal could get to night meetings. Well, she has a sponsor and all (not me) but could only get to day meetings. It got to where I she called me the night before, when I was busy, then EARLY the next morning, and when I finally called back, she never called back.

So, she didn't get to the meeting, but I did.

Call a few hours before the meeting. Don't call me first thing in the morning before I've had my coffee. Call about 11am. If I'm out, leave a message. Don't call back 15 minutes later, expecting me to pick up the phone. If I can't commit, then I probably have something else on my mind or I'm preoccupied (like WORKING).

So, I was willing to take her last night, but she never called me back. And she needed to bring paper and pen to write down other women's phone numbers. I'm not her sponsor. It is not my responsibility to get her to meetings all the time. If I'm the only person she's calling, then she is not building up her network.

But that's the halfway house policy. Call and call and call. Make the person outside as miserable as possible and drive people away from helping the girls there. Hell, they even fired me (not the girl mind you, but the house) from sponsoring a gal because I had her reading to me from the Big Book.

Once a week, I'd go and she would read to me for an hour or so. But the house had other plans for her most of the time... Graduations, shopping trips, whatever...

So she only got to see me about 3 times, then "counselor" decided I was being too hard on the girl. She couldn't read. Not even at a 4th grade level! So, I was teaching her to read while she read from the Big Book. But I was too hard on her...

I haven't sponsored anyone at that establishment since. I won't. My sponsor said I should give a little. Hell I will! I'm over 20 years sober and I never had a stint in one of these places, treatment, or anything. I'm not going to follow their rules. I don't have to.

There are plenty of girls available and needing sponsorship outside of treatment centers and halfway houses. I can't identify with their experiences. I came in off the streets and got sober, so I'm not on the same path.

And once their treatment center or halfway house sponsor is outgrown, I'm there to take them through the steps, show them how to live independently, and interdependently. I can share with them a whole range of experiences that don't include the halfway houses or treatment centers, and living through it sober.

It's the same thing as trying to sponsor women in relationships. I can't help with relationships. I can help you get out, stay out, and live free of them, but I can't help you about your relationship. It's not something I am good at, so that's something I can't share. But if a woman wants to learn how to live as a strong, single woman, I'm there and can show her.

So, the boundaries are:

1) Don't call early.
2) Don't call late.
3) Return phone calls, and ALWAYS leave your number in your message.
4) Don't expect me to be your one and only ride.
5) I don't sponsor in the halfway houses or treatment centers.
6) I don't sponsor about relationships.
7) If I do agree to sponsor someone, she has to work the steps or she has to move on. We can be friends after she does the work.

Not a long list, but an important one. And one I follow.

Ancestors, DNA and Isolation

I've been compiling my family tree so that I can take part in the Sorensen DNA project. My mother's family tree has never been explored thoroughly, and there are lots of gaps. My father's tree is extensive, and due to some family geneologists, pretty complete.

However, the Sorensen folks are looking for certain country-ties, including France. I knew my grandmother on my mother's side was from France. And she was - but there is no mother listed anywhere. I bet it's in the French marriage records, though. I just can't deal with that expense right now on ancestry.com, so I'm leaving it blank. That still satisfies Sorensen.

So, I have been completely isolating, missing sleep, skipping meals and so on to get this little "project" done before ancestry.com hits my bank account for over $70. I'm almost done. I didn't even check e-mail yesterday, and I had about 100 of them to look over this morning. I still have one account to check, so this is just a quick note to be accountable for my time.

School Term is Over

Whew! The term is over. It was momentous for me, since my disability came through and I completely lost interest in the classes I was attending, in the middle of the semester. I had a lot of trouble for about a week, keeping my momentum going. It shows in my grades. I got the first C+ since my intermediate algebra class in 1990.

One grade is still not posted, but that teacher has been late with grades all semester. I'm sure she will have it posted by this evening, which is her deadline.

I was able to re-join Phi Theta Kappa - the honors society. That will make it possible for me to be considered for some scholarships at ETSU, which is my next stop. I still have Spring and Summer classes to go at PSTCC, but for Fall 2012, I had to get stuff in order now.

Think ahead!

Liver Health

I did a liver cleanse last weekend. It wasn't near as bad as I expected it to be. I didn't pass as many gallstones as I expected, but I'll do another one in 2 weeks (right at Christmas, of course!) and that should get the rest of them. The largest one I saw was less than 1/4" diameter.

Amazingly, my cravings were immediately gone. I mean, no more craving sweets or salt. None! That evening, there was the Pathfinder's dinner, at which I ate lightly. I got a little heartburn, and I'm still trying to figure out why. It doesn't seem to be bread. I think it's butter or fats. If I don't have any fat in the meal, I'm OK. Even an apple with cheese is fine. I had some of my soup, and the bread came back on me - but that could be the garlic butter on it. A little heartburn, but not much. Nothing like what I was experiencing a week ago.

I lost 6 pounds altogether over the fast and cleanse. Not a lot of weight, but I wasn't really looking for that. I'm sure that was mostly water, too.

Cutting the cravings is a major milestone. One more cleanse, and my liver will be working more quickly to detox my body. That should make me feel batter. The other symptoms I was beginning to exhibit are also gone.

My skin isn't all that much better, but my digestion is. The pain over my liver is still there, but it's much less. My nails are gone. They will have to grow back before I can tell any difference. They were short, but started splitting anyway. They just tore off. They go through that regularly, but I know it's not right. That is a symptom of my overall health condition.

At least I'm making progress, not sitting still.

Time for me to speak up

I've been watching the "Occupy" stuff, the government shenanigans and the world economy. It's time for me to say something.

The great democratic experiment is dead.

America is no longer the home of the free and land of the brave.

It's now the home of the regulated and land of the stupid.

The only thing we seem to be good at exporting is military might - which all out "enemies" want to steal the technology from, while they are killing our people. But now, we can't even speak out about the inequities, the downright illegalities, and fraud that keeps happening in this country. So, we are now regulated and controlled. We have no say. We voted or gave away all our freedoms over the last 10 years.

Some of the stuff that happened started a lot longer than 10 years ago. But that was the turning point... 9/11. Yep, the same day we got bowled-over by "Islamic extremists."

Sure. Yeah. Like they were the ones behind it all. They were only protesting our involvement in their governments - which we had no right to do.

Now, we can't even protest our own government.

I believe the "Occupy Movement" is a growing revolution who's time is almost here. We've needed a good housecleaning for a while, now.

I may get censored for speaking out. If so, you will know. I won't keep quiet. I'll end up in Gitmo with the other terrorists.

This is all my opinion, and no, I don't really have any FACTS to bring to bear. Just read the newspaper and watch the news. Look for foreign papers and pay attention. You'll see it too.

Help Me Pick the Cover Art...

I've posted some artwork here...

http://bit.ly/Plus-WSBookPage

Please pick the one you like best. It's only the central image, and the background will be complementary to that. Leave a comment and tell me which you like best.

Both are original works, and please no copying...

The artwork is for the cover of the Mother Daughter book. I've been receiving submissions - are you ready to send yours in? The deadline is approaching pretty fast!

Whew!

I went to take the trash out Wednesday night before I went to bed, and a loose pit bull dog ran up to me, tags jingling. He was like a ghost in the night, gray all over and I could barely see him. He's a local dog, full grown, and his head comes about hip-high on me. He was friendly, but he kept jumping on me and would not go away when told to go home. I ended up abandoning my garbage about 1/2-way down the walk, and going back toward the house. The dog followed me. I have scratches on my body where he jumped on me, but no bites (Thank GOD). He wanted to come in, but I was afraid and who knows what he would have done to my cats. I pulled a chair that was sitting on the porch over and kept that between me and the dog. I went inside & closed the door securely, and locked it. I called the cops to come get the dog.

I'm buying a cattle prod. If the dog is dead on my property, what is it doing on my property? It isn't my dog!

If folks want to have dogs that can kill people and other animals, they need to keep them under control. If the dog is injured or killed while loose, it's their problem. They've lost their investment, and will have to deal. It's self-preservation on the part of the person being disturbed by the dog.

There are several pit bull breeders in the neighborhood - like 3 dogs, chained to dog houses and used for breeding full-blood pit bulls. They all have licenses. So, there are a lot of them in the neighborhood. Their dogs are chained. If this one was chained, he broke his chain - along with jumping his fence. If he ever comes back, he'll be toast.

House Issues-Painful!

I haven't written about my house lately. Well, here's what I've been dealing with...


As I've said before, the stove went wacky at about 14 months, there's electrical anomalies, and a drainage problem...

OK, I now have 2 burners on the stove that aren't working. So much for Whirlpool appliances. If this is what their bottom-line stove does, I'll replace it with something better. Meanwhile, I have only 2 burners on an electric stove that are working - both in the back, both small. The cost of a repair is more than 60% of the stove's cost, so it isn't worth repairing.

I have ants. In the kitchen and living room. I can't figure out what they are going after. I've sprayed the perimeter just like the product says to, and had no problem for the first year. I got rid of all the bugs, but not this year. It seems I have a couple of ant colonies right under the house, coming through the concrete foundation. One under the living room and one coming through around the pipes in the wall behind the kitchen. It's the main plumbing wall, and the pipes go under the house & foundation, and come up through the concrete. The ants are following the pipes, coming through the wall behind the cabinets and have a trail on one of my kitchen counters near the stove. I've moved everything, cleaned everything, and still they come. The only thing I haven't moved is the stove.

The doorbell quit working. I wasn't sure what to do so I called a friend who used to do electrical construction. He checked it out, said the doorbell got stuck, burned out the transformer and everything else should be fine. However, he took down the "bad unit" and I have no idea how to wire in the replacement unit. Should a doorbell "get stuck" after less than 2 years?

Now for the next item...
I have two bathrooms. It's a gift, I'm sure, but the one attached to the master bedroom, the en suite bath, has a problem. The toilet decided to give way from the floor. It's the ring with the bolts that broke. The toilet rocks back and forth, and there are sewer gasses around it. That's really weird, since that isn't supposed to happen.

But, if you take that in concert with the drainage problem - which is next, you will understand what's happening...

This lot is on an incline. The shed was placed right next to the house, and all the rain water from the shed was going right under the house. I've had the shed moved at a cost of $350. I still need what they call a "French Drain" to get the water away from the foundation. Within about 6 months of moving into the house (I moved in on October 6, 2009), I noticed cracks all around the house foundation. It's a continuous line front to back, all around the foundation. I was told this is "normal" but I don't buy that at all. Not when you consider how this place was built.

This lot is on an incline, the soil is clay. They put stone/rock/pebbles on top of the clay and poured the foundation. It goes down about 12-18 inches, no more. Right into the clay. With the drainage from the shed, from the driveway, from the rain, the house is shifting. I need to dig down about 36 inches, put in drainage, top it with gravel and move the water away from the house, or the house will end up in the street.

The residents here, all Habitat home owners, know we have rivers between our houses. It's a little stream of water that just washes out between our houses. I've chosen to plant trees, blueberry bushes, and other plants that love the wet conditions. It's a way of keeping the soil on the property instead of washing away and eroding. But once the drainage is addressed, this lot would be like an island without those plants. It would be a little house standing on a little hill, water gushing all around it.

My aunt and uncle don't understand why I spend so much on trees and plants. My aunt is actually unhappy with me because of this. Well, I'll just point her to this post and she can see what I'm dealing with, and maybe she won't be quite so angry. I really am dealing with stuff when I plant a tree.

So, yeah. Home ownership, at least through Habitat Knoxville, isn't such a wonderful thing. For the want of saving $12, I have NO air in my bedroom. They cut the ductwork off at the first wall instead of carrying it through past the point of the door. They then built a closet that completely cuts off the air from coming into the bedroom. Yeah, if you stand right under it you get air - but my bed is across the room and on a different wall. I have a fan to put up in the room, but again, nobody I can trust to put it up.

The electrical issues? I specified that I needed one of the bedrooms (the front one) on a completely different circuit than the rest of the house, because of all the electrical stuff I do - computers, modems, printers, fax, and so on. I have a full home office because I work at home, not in an outside work place. I got most of it, but for one thing. There is an outlet in the adjoining bedroom on the same circuit. Plug something in, and the whole office goes dark. That includes the phone, so there's no way to call for help. I've taped over the outlet in the bedroom, so it can't be used, but it needs to be removed from the wall.

Yeah, a house with a zero-percent mortgage is great, especially one I can afford, but with the attendant issues, I might have gotten a house in a better part of town that would cost me less in the long run. I'm going to have to completely rebuild this house over the next 10 years, just to address the problems. I'm paying for it, alright. Twice.

Ask any Habitat homeowner from my era about the issues with them, and you will find similar stories.

Oh well, I guess I should be happy I have a home at all, considering. I'm just really fed up with the problems. A house that's only two years old shouldn't have this much wrong with it.

People Stupid, Holidays, Reflections on Sobriety

It seems the holidays are in full swing. I have finals coming up, too. This year (2011) has just seemed to fly by.

Parties, school, finals, meetings, changes - all happening pretty quickly this year. Friends and family have passed on, other friends have come to join me on my journey. There was even a birth early this year, adding to my family.

Sobriety has been a gift this year. Not that hard to be sober. I've had a couple of cravings - mostly when something else was going on, like taking pain pills for toothache before I had the teeth pulled.

However, I still feel like I'm kinda people-stupid.

I have a "friend/sponsee" who just dumps on me. I don't know how to stop that kind of thing, and it's really annoying. But I do it to my sponsor, too. Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be. I just wish I could steer her into a more healthy way of dealing with stuff. But I know you have to go through it to the other side. There is no shortcut to growing up.

Then there's the way I communicate with my aunt and uncle. It's like I can't ever say what I mean - or the words get jumbled up and come out wrong. It can't all be my brain-fart - my neurological wiring problem. It's like I don't realize how my words sound to folks. Maybe I really don't know how I sound to folks. Maybe that's my biggest problem?

I've been crocheting this coat. I had one sleeve front completely done, and decided it looked wrong. There must have been a pattern mistake or something. I even sent an e-mail to the folks who wrote the book! So, I took it all out and tried to figure out how it should go. About half-way through, I realized that the pattern WAS right, and my "thinking" was messed up. I pulled out what I'd just done and started to re-do the sleeve again. That's my thinking with people in a nutshell. I think I know what I mean to say, but the words get all messed up in my thinking....

Yep, I know it all and realize I don't. Got to follow directions better....

Woo Hoo!

I got my ISBN Numbers just a few moments ago! It's been a hard month - saving all around to get them. But now, I have them. I can begin in earnest on the book. - Not like I hadn't been working on it, but now I can get stuff in production!

Woo Hoo!!!!

If I could dance a jig, I'd be dancing....

Weight Waiting....

Ok. I admit it. I'm overweight. Not just overweight, but obese. It's time to fix it. I have been looking at solutions and trying to find a way that I can do that won't cost more than I can afford or that won't cause more pain and damage to my joints - which are stressed to the max because of my weight...

I found HCG and I've been investigating it. I finally found a supplier that makes the drops without alcohol - which is important for a recovering alcoholic!

bit.ly/sxFX1t
is the Official HCG Solution Diet site.

It's where to go for information, supplements, support, questions and answers and instructions. You can get the drops and everything you need. And when I looked at the same product at GNC, it was laced with alcohol, cost just $4 less, but it had no packet of information to go with it! How to eat, how it works and everything else was just left to your own figuring out.

I will be blogging about my experience here, so stay tuned.

I expect there will be some pretty interesting stuff happening - since a lot of my weight issues have to do with psychological stuff as much as quitting smoking. It's a journey...

I Get Frustrated

I get so frustrated with computer stuff! I was trying to build a new page for my website, and the photos were all too big.

I got really upset, yelling at my cat to shut up because he decided to whine at just that moment. I told a friend who called that I couldn't talk right then, and I closed down the computers. I stepped away.

I went to take a shower and then called a computer-savvy friend. She directed me to a website that would help me to reduce the file sizes. Thank GOD for friends!

I just hate it when different computer systems don't work right. I have several computers here and I block Flash programs as a matter of course. These often contain viruses and cookies that slow down or actually attack, my computer systems. So, I just don't allow any of it unless I know where it's from and what it's supposed to do. This goes for MAC and Windows alike. I've had really bad experiences with it.

Well, the new Flash programs don't work with my older MAC and I don't want to upgrade the operating system. I think it's bunk.

And the newest Windows - version 7, won't work with Flash because Flash is outdated. That's bunk, too!

Where does that leave me? Frustrated! I think it's time to kick Adobe in the ass and find another application - ending their tyranny and monopoly.

Folks complain about Microsoft - check out Adobe!

Limits, Boundaries and Serenity

I'm finding that serenity is more important to me than anything else these days. I can't take a lot of craziness or disturbance. I need peace.

Sometimes, I do too much and pass my limits. It causes pain and frustration, and I have to curtail my activities. I went grocery shopping on Friday. It wasn't a lot, and it took less than an hour. But walking all over the supermarket to fill my list distracted me from my legs. By the time I got the groceries into the car, I knew I was spent. From my waist down, I burned and hurt.

I took some analgesic and stayed off my legs the rest of the evening. I didn't try to go to my meeting. By last night, I was able to go to meeting and get down, and then back up, the stairs. But I felt every step. I used the cane with extra support, and felt unsteady. I wonder if I need even more assistance...

I have a dear friend who is going through some really tough times. She is trying to get better, but life is coming at her hard right now. I feel for her, I really do. But her craziness is hard for me to be around. She needed a ride on Wednesday, so I came with my car. I took along my crochet bag and worked on a project, so she could do what she needed to do, and we had a little visit before her appointment. After her appointment, she made a phone call and got another ride home.

I haven't heard from her, so I can only pray she's OK. During our visit, she talked non-stop. We hadn't seen each other for several weeks, and a lot has happened in my life, what with losing a cousin and deciding to transfer to University. So, I wonder if I can continue to be around her if she can't hear me. Yes, she needs to be heard, too, but friendship is give-and-take, isn't it?

I have another dear friend who just lost her job after 20 years when the company she worked for was sold. I haven't spoken to her in a while, either, and we had a nice, long conversation a few days ago. We didn't have to make a big deal about it, just a nice conversation. I had my coffee, she had hers. We caught up. Give and take, and strong support for each other.

Serenity is important. That peace that surpasses understanding. It comes with faith, direction, acceptance and a sense that all is right with the world.

I know that my pain is because I did too much and expected too much of my body. It is no longer the body of a young lady, and I forget that. I need to listen better, and learn to do that while I'm doing other things.

I know that my newly unemployed friend will be OK. She did nothing wrong, and the next step in her life is what is supposed to happen. One door closing and another opening. She has time to sit and catch up with herself to decide which door to open.

My other friend, the one in crisis...
I can only pray for her. She's running from pillar to post right now, and can't sit long enough to get quiet and hear the voice of God. I can only pray that when she contacts me, my words will be the ones she needs to hear. She teaches me my limits and shortcomings when we interact, so I'm grateful for her, but her life is hard to witness right now.

I know that her pain and changes are not my pain and changes. I know that I have not caused these things to happen in her life. I know that I did not cause my other friend to lose her job. The only thing I did in my own life, that is under my control, is doing too much walking in the grocery store. So that is my part.

Dental Work

I had my teeth pulled yesterday. I slept all day, and then all night. After Boo-at-the-Zoo, where I wrecked my back, the rest was very welcomed!

No tooth pain, a little soreness, and now a week of antibiotics.

Photos from Boo-at-the-Zoo are posted on Google+

Calling all Women...

Please download this pdf document, sign and mail to me to be included in my new book...

http://bit.ly/r3bUI8

Building on What I've Learned

I took the stuff I learned in that writing class last weekend and I'm applying it to my work. I've got a book in the works at Elance... http://t.co/KdGJLW2J

All women are encouraged to read my job posting there and apply if you are interested. I'm writing a book on the Mother/Daughter relationship.

Failed Jobs Bill

The Republicans are going too far. People are hurting, and it's time to show them that the AMERICAN PEOPLE, who put them into office, won't stand for this behavior.

What gets me, is that the Republicans have been the ones over the years to propose most of the measures in the bill!! And now, just because the Democrats propose these measures, they want to filibuster, and refuse to hear the bill, or allow it to pass.

This is just OBSTRUCTIONIST behavior. It's a power-play to make sure that no matter what happens, they can remain in power. It's all about POWER and CONTROL. It is no longer about what is good for the American people.

Tell your representatives that you are sick of this behavior. Tell them to get off their duffs and take care of the people who elected them in the first place. Tell them to tell the corporations to take a hike!

Future Dreaming

I've always wanted to write Science Fiction. Maybe that sounds a little strange, but it's true. I guess the first time I read "Stranger From a Strange Land" I got hooked on sci-fi.

I was told early on, that if I wrote sci-fi, I would never be taken seriously as a writer - as a way to deter me from genre fiction. I guess that person thought the "Great American Novel" was the way to go. But you know, people who write the GAN never make a penny. I want the cash and the fans.

Later, I tried my hand at writing a fictional story, but the lead character took off with the story and wouldn't give it back. Only other writers will know what I mean. I need to learn character development a little better, I guess.

There are only so many plots to fiction. Something in the 200-area, I'm not sure how many exactly. There are colorations, minor plots, major plots, under plots, plots that turn back on themselves, and many manipulations of these plots... But there are only so many original plots, so many Universal Stories.

I picked a couple of these as a fan, until I got tired of them. You know, you read the same story over and over again, and you need something new. I read Robert Ludlum's books until I could just about tell the story for him. Robert Jordan and David Eddings use the same universal plot.

So, I know a little about writing, because I read a lot. And now, life has changed for me once again. The God of my limited understanding has moved me to a new place and time, and given me the opportunity to write stories of my own.

I'm in school. To keep the grants and not have to pay them back, I need to finish the semester, and get at least a "C" in all my classes. So, I plan to do that. Come next semester, I plan on taking my first serious writing class.

Hang the degrees I've been pursuing! I have a new plan. English major? I'm not planning on it. More like the "Interdepartmental Studies" degree that lets you pick the courses and concentration. I need anthropology, biology, chemistry, more sociology, and LOTS of writing classes. I need classes in character development (psychology for writers?), some cultural understanding and maybe more history. I've got some plot structure books coming from Amazon, so that I can actually get started.

Back in 1993, I got this hairbrained idea about Goddess Archetypes, and used them in some work I submitted for school. Then, I did some historical and archeological research (in papers, not the actual dirt) and got some facts laid out about early civilizations. Then, I took some words used in everyday speech and looked into their origin. I studied Latin, Greek, and Sumarian - all on my own. I studied global mythology using Joseph Campbell's works, since all myths and legends have some grains of truth in them. The Bible is another great source for myths and legends!

So, this is a labor of love, and has taken me many years. I have all the results of my research on a disk, one that my current computers can read. I plan to take all this research and use bits and pieces in several stories. Maybe even a multi-generational epic. We'll see what comes out.

So, if I don't post about writing again, it's because I'm busy doing it.

Banking Frustration....

I don't know how I did it, but I got my accounts hopelessly messed up. It comes down to partial charges by Amazon for shipments that I record when I place the order for the full amount, which they charge for only the amount that is shipped. Then, I compounded the error by transferring money several times in the wrong direction, or multiple times, (on my bookkeeping only) and then reconciling the accounts, which cleared out the detail.

I still have money in the bank, and the bank is basically right - I have an Amazon order outstanding, that was partially billed today. I have auto deposits coming in, and those will have to be recorded, as well. I'll just have to watch it carefully and make sure I don't go overdraft...

This happened because a portion of the first Amazon order didn't get shipped till after the second order started shipping, so I got the orders and figures mixed up. Then there was a transfer that was recorded to the wrong account, (at the bank and in my books) and is irreversible in my bookkeeping program.

I'm going to have to wait for the dust to settle, then do some journal entries to fix everything. Basically, no more debit card transactions or checks - only cash for a good 30-40 days. It will be tough, but I can do it. Dave Ramsey taught me how to live on cash. He's the best!

It's sure a good thing my debts are all paid up to date! I don't have to write any checks for a month!

Groundhog Day All Over Again....

I've had to Re-Do everything at least once for over a week now. It is really annoying to have everything backfire on you day after day. I'm trying to do homework, attend to my health and get enough sleep.

Instead, I'm wasting gas, money and time, having to re-do everything...

I went to the store. When I got home, there was a bag of canned goods missing. I looked everywhere in my car - no go. And I had to leave for class, so no time to go back for them... And not just canned goods at $0.75 a can, either, this was nuts at $4.79 or more a can. I got nuts to lower my cholesterol.... Yeah, Right!

I got ink at the office supply store. To save a little money, I got the refurb cartridges. One worked, but seemed low on yellow, so I tried the other one. No go - my printer can't even recognize the cartridge. I still haven't had time to get back there to have it replaced. I'm afraid they won't give me a replacement now, since it's been over a week, and I've lost the receipt in my bedlam...

My car got new back brakes on Weds. On Thursday night, I noticed a noise at the right front, not related. I got it to the shop on Friday afternoon, after a hellatious day trying to get stuff done, scared that the car would fall apart in the process. Well, driving off the lot, I've got metal-to-metal and now the car has to go back a third time to have that taken care of. It might just be a brake adjustment, or it could be he wheel bearing. I have a tow truck coming.

The tow truck? Another mess. I can't find the insurance card for my current insurance company. I found 3 years of cards for the old company, but nothing for my new insurance company. My agent hasn't returned my call, since he's not in the office yet, and I need to get cards.

Meanwhile, I'm still doing homework that I did wrong and have to re-do. At least it's not due till tomorrow!

I'm just so fed up! I hate to have this kind of stuff going on. I haven't seen it for years and I forgot how horrible it is when this happens. We laugh at Bill Murray in the movie, but when you are living this time in your life, it isn't funny. It just sucks!

Self-Care and Car Stuff....

I got to order some books again today. I received 3 of the books I ordered last week, with one still on it's way. Today, I got to order 5 more. I'm chipping away at my list of holistic health books for my library. I saw one I still really want to get, but it will have to wait.

I also got some gardening and crochet, of course! And there was a really cool book about leadership that intrigued me a while ago, so I got that one, too. It's called "Tribe" by Seth Godin.

Amazon lists are really cool, if you haven't played with them, yet. Not only can folks order stuff for you that you really want, but you can order stuff you really want. It keeps the "wish list" of my life organized. And the size of clothes is always right because I chose the items myself.

Meanwhile, the poor car needs a wheel bearing tomorrow, so I'm not driving a whole lot right now. I had the back brakes done last week, and within 24 hours something happened at the right front. They took 2.5 hours to figure out what it was, and in the process, I think the wheel bearing finally gave out with all their messing around. It sounds really bad with metal-to-metal contact, so I don't want to drive much. I have one errand I MUST do later today, but that will be it. There is no way I would keep driving the car for even a week, as bad as it sounds. I thank God that there is money enough to fix the wheel bearing right now.

Just to be clear - they didn't cause anything to go wrong. I've been watching the wheel bearing, expecting something for about 6 months, and I'm just really grateful that the OTHER thing wrong with the front end can wait until January, when I get my new tires, and can be done with the alignment that will also be done at that time. It will be an expensive car repair, but with a Toyota, it's worth it. This car should last another 5-10 years, at least.

I got my handicapped placard on Friday, so I don't have to park in BFEgypt at school anymore. Thank Goodness!!!! That was getting pretty tough.

I hope you get to fulfill some of your dreams today or one day in the next week. It's always a good thing to take care of yourself.

Job (Lack of) Market

I was just checking the local job market. There is NOTHING unless you want to get paid minimum wage. Even the stuff I've done for years at $10/hr is now paying only minimum wage. For somebody with over 30 years experience, that's really sad.

The only real solution is to make your own job - become entrepreneurial and make a business of your own. Maybe you will make it, and maybe you won't, but you have to try. That's the only way to make it anymore.

You can't count on an employer, that's for sure! They only want to pay the stockholders and line their own pockets with enormous salaries at the top. The "little guy" who is actually doing the work only gets a penny for their effort.

Now, I've been entrepreneurial for years, so I already have the mindset. But folks who are expecting to get an education, and then get a job, are really going to have a hard time of it. College doesn't teach you how to be the boss and make your own business decisions. It doesn't teach you how to take a risk, and what risks are OK to take, or how to evaluate a risk in the first place.

Some risks are just not worth it, while others are almost a sure bet. Each situation is different, and each person brings a different set of tools and skills to bear on each situation, so there is no rule about it.

You have to really know yourself, your abilities, your strengths and weaknesses. You have to know what you can tolerate, and how well you budget. You have to know if you can live on ramen or if you need meat every day. If you have kids, the stakes go up.

If you have a partner who is willing to make the same sacrifices as you, who is as dedicated to the business as you, then you have a leg-up on the competition.

And you have to know your abilities with technology, too! So much is done on the internet that you need to know and apply that to your business plan.

Well, good luck, is all I can say. Get out there and try it. You won't know if you are the next Edison or Ford unless you get out there and try it.

And don't take failure personally. Each failure is just a way that didn't work. Keep trying, change stuff around, try different things. Just don't give up. You have the perfect set of tools for something. It's just finding that something.

9/11: Ten Yars Later

On the morning of 9/11, I was blissfully sleeping, on the west coast of the USA. I had lots of things going on, and lots of irons in the fire. It all stopped cold when the Twin Towers went down. My life was turned upside-down within a month, and I lost everything. Maybe I didn't lose my life, like some good folks did, but my way of life was irrevocably changed forever.

Consider:
To take an airplane anywhere at all, I am subjected to invasive and prying security checks by an over-zealous protective force.

My internet and telephone conversations are illegally tapped and monitored.

We have troops half a world away, constantly in harms way, for something that is an illegal police action, started by a paranoid drunk and his buddies.

The news revels and recounts each death of the "enemy" and topples foreign governments without provocation.

We have a financial system in crisis, and we still can't move past whose fault stuff is.

All this in response to some terrorists blowing up a couple of buildings. Meanwhile, the political leaders who over-reacted are allowed to go free, when they deserve to be tried for High Treason and War Crimes.

What else but War Crimes would you call racial and religious profiling of a certain sect, in the Land of the Free, only to send them to a prison camp on foreign soil, to be tortured by foreign governments, under the flag of, and sanctioned by, this government?

What else but High Treason would you call lining your pockets from war mongering while still in office, while leading the country into a war for a personal vendetta that we still fight ten years later?

Make no mistake - The terrorists achieved their objective. They destroyed our way of life, and therefore our beliefs.

They won. We lost.

My personal battles are nothing compared to the greater losses this country has suffered, but that doesn't lessen the loss and grief I feel. I have NO intention of "commemorating" the date. I feel sick that some folks want to line their pockets from this. They should be ashamed.

A moment of silence, a single candle burning, the tolling of a bell, that's all that should happen. Not this media frenzy.

And let us cry. Stop telling us what to feel. Stop waving the flag. Let us feel our pain and move on. Let us mourn our dead. Bring home our troops and get them working again.

Stop pointing fingers. Who cares? Just get the job done. That is the American Way.

Supplement Removal Experiment...

While I said earlier that removing the supplements was interesting, it hadn't been enough time yet to really see the difference...

Well, the only thing that seems to have been making a difference is the Triple Flex for my joints. My joints are all swollen, sore, and feel stiff. My knee is terrible, so I know that Triple Flex works, no matter what the ads say. For me, it works. So try it yourself if you have joint pain.

Otherwise, I haven't seen any difference. It's been 2 weeks. My urine is a light yellow, barely any color at all, but I drink a lot of water. I still don't sleep at night, and the hot-flashes are no different than if I was taking soy.

I sleep about an hour at a time, most of the time. I guess that's my history of napping taking it's toll.

The B-vitamin group made no difference at all. The pre-natal vitamins made no difference at all. My gut is still doing what it does, and I have more pain in my spine than before, is all. But who knows if the pain in my spine is from the supplements or from the Triple Flex?

Oh well, I guess I'll go back on that and leave the rest up to God...

I hate tooth pain!

Tooth pain sucks! I know I need to see a dentist. I've known it for a while. My tooth needs to come out. Actually, I need about 5 pulled right now. I'm holding on as long as I can till I can have it done. Meanwhile, lots of clove oil...

Nope - and Yep

OK, I'm NOT sleeping!

Again, about 3 hours last night. I got up in the middle with a "brainstorm" and had to check the computer. I went right back to bed about 20 minutes later and finally fell asleep for that 3 hours.

Removing the vitamins and supplements has been an interesting experiment so far. I'm very unsteady when walking. I didn't realize how bad I was getting. So, I'm using my cane. It doesn't help a whole lot, but folks are more aware of my being in the area, so they watch for me (solicitously). Right now, that's a good thing.

Other things -

I've noticed the "butterfly rash" on my face even when I'm not overheated or have been exerting myself. So that's a pretty clear indication that the diagnosis is correct.

The joint pain is really a lot worse. My knees - even my good knee - hurt like the Devil!

I seem to be gaining even more weight, but I don't understand How! I'm eating a well-balanced, calorie-controlled diet, and yet the inches increase noticeably. My bathroom scale doesn't show an increase, but my clothes are tighter.

I had another sore in my mouth over the weekend. It healed quickly.

My memory feels much worse. I can remember long-term stuff, but I have no words for it. I have the memories, but no way to convey them - does that make sense? And short term memory is a joke!

And the bruising is back with a vengence! I'm covered with bruises that I don't know how I got them. I take one 81mg aspirin each day in the evening with my meds. It's prescribed. I take no other NSAIDS because they all have such bad side-effects. I barely take a Tylenol when I ache. I'm more likely to take a shower to ease the aches and pains.

I'm also having transitory chest pains. I don't know if I should go to the ER or not. They don't seem related to activity, so I tend to ignore them.

My skin is a total mess. The rash on my face is really bad right now. It got that way during school this summer and it has not cleared, yet. I want to make more of the white willow bark solution to use on my face, but I need more of the bark.

So, yeah, this is what it's like to have Lupus and be undiagnosed. We "know" it's Lupus, OK. We just don't have the blood test results to prove it till after Friday. That's me and my Doc - together, we know.

School commentary

Well, it's started for me - Fall semester!

My first class, that looked to be a real drag, might actually be fun. That's technical (business) writing...

Accounting is a real pain - I want the Tues/Thurs morning class but it's full. They don't have waiting lists anymore, so I'm stuck in the Tues evening class unless I can quickly react when somebody drops after the morning class tomorrow. We'll see...

The last class, Excel - it looks like I'm missing a book but I won't know for sure until class tomorrow - just after noon.

I'm enjoying it more than I expected so far. I just wish my body would cooperate. It hurts, I'm unsteady on my feet, and I have NO energy at all.

I'm stopping all the supplements for a check-in. I have my blood test for Lupus on Friday, and since I've been taking Pre-Natal vitamins for over 2 years, I decided to stop them and check in with my body. My nails are as thin and flimsy as ever, my complexion is a real acne mess, and I'm exhausted all the time.

I'm sleeping, but it's broken. If I take a sleeping draught - whether benedryl or melatonin, I wake groggy for at least 4 hours. The difference is that with benedryl I sleep 12 hours and with melatonin I sleep about 4-6 hours. How much time do I want to spend asleep?

So, I'm stopping all the vitamins - the pre-natals, B6, Biotin, Calcium, D3 and chromium piccolinate... I want to see how my body is truly assimilating food and nutrients. I wonder if maybe I've had too much supplementation and that my body is just flushing everything through.

Not taking the Triple-Flex is really affecting me already. My joints are so weak and wobbly without it. My knees hurt more today than ever and I've only been off it for a day.

Well, the blood test on Friday will show some interesting results, no matter what. The cholesterol, liver function and Lupus... I wonder what else it will show???


/

Broken Government

Hey, do you want to really start some crap?? Get hold of the list of all the proposed "pork" that didn't get passed, but provided jobs, no matter who proposed the bills, in the last 10 years. Then, put all those together into a JOBS BILL and watch the reps and congress squirm!! If they vote against their own proposal, you will know they need to get out of government office - they are obstructionist and are only there to fill their pockets.

Lawn and Carpet

Today, the lawn gets cut again, and I start pulling carpet out of this place. I have till school starts to get rid of ALL of it! Self-imposed deadline, but I don't want to deal with it during school. I want to sand the floor smooth, fill in the holes left from construction, and then seal it from insects, stains and stuff that can grow in it. I also need to seal all the cracks - there are a lot of them in the foundation of this 2-year old house. That should get me through winter, and I'll be able to cover the stuff I actually walk on with rugs.

Next purchase - fencing and lumber for the garden beds. I need to get that started.

The pole got moved so I need help moving the shed. That will give me room for the BBQ and a picnic setup near the back door. Any volunteers?

I pray the enough comes in this month to pay the bills. It's pretty short.

Cat Food Recall

Purina issued a voluntary Cat food recall for cat food. Please read the article...


bit.ly/p0kIrE

Just remember that I warned you....

I warned you this was going to happen...

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/fast-fix/fast-fix-pac-ed-gills-092909836.html

UN-Happy Customer!

I've had Comcast internet and telephone for several years now. I moved to a business account when I got the house, so that I would have faster repair service - 4 hours guaranteed instead of 48 hours. It made sense. I have phone and internet with them, and working on the internet, I am out of business without it. And no-one can reach me if the phone goes out and I can't even call in to Comcast to report an outage! So, business class seemed like the way to go.

Once I got signed for the contract, however, things started to go downhill.

First, the installer put a huge hole in the wall instead of going through the wall. He cut right into the wall board. It made a hole. He promised he would come back and fix it. That took 2 weeks and several phone calls on my part, and I had to supply the spackle. He never came back to finish the job.

When I had to cut back, I was told that I had a contract, and my service could not be converted to a home account. So, I cut off the home TV service, instead. That saved me about $70 a month. Fine and dandy, right? Nope! About once every 5 - 7 days, the service was cut off for phone and internet. One day, I had a client with me, and I happened to be looking out the window when the truck drove up to cut off the service again. I walked out and spoke to the technician, and he had to call in to see that there was only one line from the pole to the building, but there were 2 services. He had to change a label on the line so they would stop cutting off my service.

Then, we had a big storm, and while I am guaranteed a 4 hour turnaround, I was willing to give them the 2 days I was down. Until I called their office after the second outage, and was hassled by the clerk for asking to have my calls forwarded to my cellphone. I don't know the PIN number, and I would have no idea where to look for it. He insisted that I give him the number or he would not forward my calls. I got very forceful, and asked for his supervisor. He came back on the line, and forwarded my calls. I wasn't calling because I was out of town, and my service was just needing to be forwarded. I was calling because I had lost service and needed to receive my calls. What a *&#(*@)!

When I wanted to have call forwarding added to my service, (I take off call waiting and voice mail), I had to go in to the office and drive 13.5 miles one way. They refused to help me over the phone, after several attempts. While there, I spoke with a business account person, and he said that they didn't worry about business accounts until they were 4 months overdue, and then they would get a courtesy notice. They didn't cut off service until a business account was 6 months past due. Well, I was cut off this morning - at 2 months past due. I had the payment in the envelope to go to them, but I had to drive 13.5 miles each way to pay the bill and have service restored.

I can't tell you how P&*#$! I am!!! This company has not kept a single promise to me since they got me to sign up for a business class account. Their commercials are all bright and shiny, and they promise great customer service, but they don't deliver. And they even offer the same program I have - with faster internet service - for less money. That's a new program. But you see, I'm locked into this contract. I can't get out of it.

As soon as my contract is up, I'm finding another provider. I don't care if it costs $3500 to have the service hooked up! I'm through with Comcast!

Congress and Corporations

Congress has long been in bed with the corporations, as witnessed by the Supreme Court's decision that corporations are individuals and as such can contribute a near unlimited amount to a candidate. There is a video on this here which leads us to the question of whether corporations run the country or the people do. That story is here.

The next question is why are our elected representatives so wealthy? The rest of us are struggling along, many working paycheck to paycheck while our elected representatives are lining their pockets with campaign donations, freebies, discounts, and other perks.

Are "We the People" so gullible? Are we sheep to be led to the slaughter? Wake UP!!!! Kick the bums out and get corporations out of government. Make government Of The People, By The People, and FOR The People once again!

Government Disconnect

It seems that the "big 3" are taking notice of our disconnect from government. CBS is starting a series called "The United States of Influence" this week. The link to the first installment is here. This installment deals with American's attitudes toward their government and how we feel that special interests have more influence than we do. With the recent Supreme Court decisions, I have been asking why there isn't a way to recall the Justices?

There will be 2 more installments this week. The one I'm most anxious to read is Thursday's, but I'll post links to both segments here as they become available.

Storms!

Hey, the spring storms are supposed to be over, right? How come the rains just keep coming, tornadoes and crazy weather? I'm over this stuff. I lost power for about 6 hours, but the cable company, through which I have phone and internet as well as a basic TV package, took 2 days to restore service. My cell gets lousy signal at the house, so I'm standing on the porch, aiming the phone toward the tower, in my PJs!

I never thought I'd stoop so low....

I mean, really - in PJs?

Well, I ended up reading a couple of good books, including the Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis. There was another by Anne McCaffree, which was one of the Pern books... That one was a lot of fun. I got a few more out of the library, but they are not holding my attention. I guess I can only take so much reading. Besides, I have a lot of school stuff to do this weekend.

I just wish the weather would stop. I'm praying for it. Enough is enough!

Homework

I'm finding ways to not do my homework. The one class is fine, but the other is a little harder. It's online, and that makes a difference.

I've also had a lot of sleep disturbances lately. And I've put so much stuff on my plate that I'm often overheated, dehydrated, and only half-done by the end of the day. Not a good way to live life.

So, I'm looking for some simplicity and structure. Been hard lately.

One of the Best Kept Secrets in Knoxville!

Mammaw's Thimble is an amazing store!
4028 Papermill Drive, Suite #16,
Knoxville 37909.
(865) 588-8818

With over 70,000 bolts of fabric, over 20,000 fat quarters, wide backing fabrics and a quilting machine on-site, the place is a pure treasure for quilters! They've been tucked away on Papermill on a hill, hiding. I can't tell you how many times I've passed them by, thinking that I'd like to stop in. By the time I saw their sign, I was well past the driveway into the center where they are located.

SUT - They are moving!!!! Yea!!! They will be taking over the location of FindersKeepers, catty-wompus from Dry Gap Elementary school. They will even be offering quilting classes to moms!

The owner, Vivian Ann, even quilted a custom-made quilt for Loretta Lynn in under 30 days. No mean feat for a hand-made (no machine quilting!) king-sized quilt. I know, it took me almost 13 years for my quilt of the same size... And mine is nowhere near as perfectly made as these...

There are some more photos...



When I moved here, I ran into an avid quilter, who always said to go to Cosby, some 75 miles away, for fabrics and supplies. She didn't know about Mammaw's Thimble. They've been around for 10 years, 7 in the same location. I hope you will check them out for your next project. There's a classroom in back, too!

School Starts Today...

I start summer classes today. Printed out for my online class, and checked for the in-class one, but not even a syllabus! Oh well, it will all get sorted later today....

See ya!

Debt-Collections-Bankruptcy-Computers-Credit

I had to declare bankruptcy in 2003. It was a need because the debts had taken over my life.

It started with a back injury in 1978. There wasn't much that could be done for my injury, and I was no longer viable for a long-term job. I didn't use drugs, but did other things to "self-medicate" the pain away. As a result, I didn't get better, and the injury was allowed to progress until I was totally disabled, in 1999.

Social Security didn't want to pay for me for the rest of my life, so they kept denying me the benefits I now know I should have had then. I'm now in the holding pattern to get them.

Anyway, the medical portion of my debt load grew to about $20,000. There was a little consumer debt, but not much because nobody would give me credit.

Things got really out of hand when the collection agencies got hold of the debts. By the time I finally went bankrupt, there was over $91,000 of debt. I've already told you how much I actually accrued.

The rest was the reselling of debt portfolios over and over again.

Since the debt had been reported to the credit reporting agencies by the collection agency, when the portfolio was sold, the debt stayed on my credit report - and got reported again and again and again.

Instead of my debt-record (credit report) showing only one occurrence of each debt, it showed the same debt over and over again - once at each collection agency. This reselling of debt ballooned everything out of proportion.

This really messed me up! The results --

* I couldn't get a job, because employers thought I might be inclined to steal - me???
* I couldn't get an apartment because I couldn't be trusted to pay my rent. Yeah, it got that bad.
* I couldn't get utilities in my own name.
* I couldn't get a bank account.
* I couldn't pay for my own car insurance because the premiums were unreasonably high due to my credit - not my driving record.
* I couldn't afford credit accounts, since the interest rates were unreasonably high.
* I had to pay cash for everything - including a car purchase.

So, the collection agencies continued to sell the debt portfolio, regardless of the standing of the debt. When they found an uncollectable debt, they just ignored it. They didn't clean up their database, they just passed it on to the next company, making money on the sale, even though half or more of the data they were selling was bogus.

This is just bad business!

EXAMPLES:

I was divorced in 1991. I took my name back in the divorce, but continued to use my married name until 1993, the year before I graduated college. I continue to get calls from collectors for debt apparently from 2005 or so that is in the old name. Now, for one, the bankruptcy was in 2003, another is that I no longer use that name. I don't even live in the same state anymore! How could I possibly have incurred the debt?

I got a call for my ex-husband's first wife. Now, how is it possible that a woman I knew to nod at, would be 2500 miles away at my house, and accruing a debt that has gone into collection? My house isn't that old! I was here when we broke ground.

************

The collection agencies are out of control. Everything is computerized and nothing is real anymore. At the very least, there should be a national database for debt collection, just like there is for Bankruptcy.

I don't mean that the local agencies should be abolished, although most of us might like that idea. I mean that any debt that is reported for collection is given 60 days at the agency, and then must be reported to a national database. After the initial 60 days, it cannot be reported again.

That means that a collection agency cannot change the account number to some in-house reference number and report it again to another collection agency. The agency cannot sell the portfolio to another collection agency - national or local - using that new number. Debt should only be reported to a collection agency by the original debtor.

If a collection house wishes to pursue debts in the national database, they are welcome to do so, but a debt can only be collected by one collector at a time. If the file is out to one collection house, it cannot be pursued by another collection house.

I've gotten calls from 3 agencies within the same 30-day period, for the same debt account, demanding full payment for the original amount of $12.13. Believe me, I'd already paid the original debtor that $12.13, so these calls were all really bad timing!

If nothing else, the debt collectors should check the national Bankruptcy database and see if the debt is listed. I can't tell you how many times I've had to tell somebody that a debt was discharged in such-and-so Bankruptcy action in 2003.

I would love to hear what other folks have gone through on this. It's time to reign these guys in!

I have NO debts in collection today, just to make that clear.
I'm not harping on any one company.
This is a policy change that needs to happen.

Reflections on a Family Visit

I just got back from several days visiting my most local family branch. They are are special to me, and once we lived very near each other. Today, we live closer than we have in several decades.

Well, I had not been able to figure out how to visit them, due to transportation and other things, until this service rolled into town - Megabus! What a Godsend! A cheap, fairly pleasant, although time-consuming, way to get there... The hardest part for me is the sitting for 9 hours. With my back, it's tough.

So, I got to visit them. We had a recent death in the family, and that's prompted everyone to stop and reflect. To end the suspense, it's my aunt and uncle, and 2 cousins from different uncles. So, visiting was quite a big deal, and everyone was glad to see everyone else. It was very nice. The visit was not too long, so the "fish didn't stink" and it wasn't too hard on anyone. I was actually just getting homesick the day before I left, so all is well on all fronts.

You know that old saw - "fish and family, tend to smell after 3 days..."

I got some insights into character (which always fascinates me), and we caught up a little bit about the various other branches of the family.

No photos were taken. This was not a photo-op moment. Yes, I had my camera with me. We just didn't think about it. We were too busy visiting with our hearts, eyes and words.

My 2nd cousins will be nice to see grow up. It's special to watch them. I last saw them as children, and now they are adults. I love them all, very much.

I'm glad I went. I'm glad there was no pressing need in our lives to prompt the visit. I'm glad we love each other and this visit enlarged that love.

My cats missed me as much as I missed them. They all came for cuddles in my chair last night after they ate.

I'll get a massage today to work out the kinks, and get about the business of living again. I have many chores and things to do today.

Travelling Today

I'm off on the Megabus to Virginia today. If you follow me on Twitter, I may even Tweet if I find something interesting. The worst part will be sitting for 9+ hours. My back is already stressed and painful.

Ah well... I've got my tunes, my crochet, and a good book coming with me. Not to mention the MP3 player with some good speaker tapes on it.

I'll have the laptop, so I may post while I'm away. Not sure. Visiting family, so it depends on how things go. I won't be in control of my own schedule. That may be a good thing!

I get to give a couple of presents for Mother's Day to my aunt and cousin. And I have a fabulous present for my uncle that I've been holding on to for several years - just kept forgetting to pass it on!

I'm all packed, just need to shower and dress.

God Is Good!

I returned my textbooks yesterday, and was able to get cat food and gas.

Today, I checked the bank balance, like I do every morning, and Whoa! There was money there!!! It turned out it was a refund for the class I dropped.

So, I got to pay a month's utility bills. That's cool! The second month is already on my credit for the internet/phone, and I saw the meter-reader yesterday for the lights & water.

I'll go talk to everybody today and tell them what's up. I guess I'll have to let them know when my next student loan payment is coming in, too.

Confirmed with my cousin on my trip this weekend. Everything is going as planned.

Got a call yesterday on a job I signed up for, for today. She said the supervisor would call me with details. He never did, so I didn't work today.

I'll use the time to clean up my suitcases, and get the laundry done so I have clothes to take with me.

God is Good! That money came just in time (as is God's way), and now I won't have to worry about the lights getting cut off while I'm on my trip. I had no idea that money was coming...

Oy! Computerized Registrations!

Sometimes computers can be REALLY stupid!

There is no gray area. If you are supposed to have a prerequisite for one course program, then you have to have that prerequisite for all course programs - except when you don't!

And I'm in the latter category. So, they will have to "waive" the prerequisite so I can complete my course of study. Maybe I'll leave that class alone till the last semester, when I'm doing my internship....

Lots of Blog Traffic?

I'm thinking this is because of the post I made on Facebook after the announcement that Osama Bin Laden had been killed. I just can't sanction killing. It's against God's Law. When I see all the "jubilation" at his death, it saddens me.

Other than that, a busy week so far. Yesterday was the busiest so far, but today is shaping up as busy and filled, as well.

I have phone calls, outings planned, and so on. There's a Job Fair today, that I plan to attend. I have calls on both ends - to make and to receive.

Why can't I just win one of the Sweepstakes I've entered? It would make life a bit easier....

Yesterday, I had my final presentation in my last class of the semester. I hope she liked it. I did what she asked, and tried to make it work. With 3 systems at home that are not compatible with those at school, things can be quite challenging.

No matter what my financial situation, I really need a newer laptop! I need to upgrade to Windows 7, even though I hate Microsoft. I love my MAC, but the whole world lives on MS Office, so I have to keep a recent version working.

So, I guess I'll get one of the Dell's come Fall.

I've already registered for 2 summer classes, and 4 fall classes. I'm looking for more, but few are available. I need a Contract Law class, and it isn't listed. They may have changed the name or number. It would be nice to get that out of the way. I'll end up with all accounting and management classes after that.

The school accepted 43 credits from my transcripts! That was a nice surprise. Not all of them will help me in my current endeavor, but I can probably get that tutoring job at the school, now.

Kitties are good. Fluffy has some kind of yeast growth under a mat, so she will be groomed today. I have to do the job myself. It's a good thing she doesn't freak out about water! She's going to get a bath after her haircut.

Well, enough for now. I have to get ready for a busy day.

Broke Week Ahead

I was unable to work last week. Not that there wasn't a little work available, but adding a sinus infection, insomnia, and pre-finals week together, along with little money for gas, make any work almost impossible. I tried, but it wasn't going to happen.

I've been raiding my PayPal account to keep going. I needed to put gas in the car, get cat food, and so on. I have some cash to put IN the bank today, so that a weekend "shop" (secret shopping) is covered.

I hate being broke, but things WILL get better. There's a bit of work this week. Next week, off to Virginia for a few days to see family. It will be nice to see them, and the trip is already paid for. Something to look forward to!

Sick AGAIN!!!

I hate this! Another sinus infection.

And I'm still not sleeping. It seems that being wakened at 3am for 15 months has had a permanent effect on my sleep cycle. I now cannot sleep through the night, and it's always 3am when I wake up. Most of the time I can't get back to sleep, so I'm falling asleep at inappropriate times - like DRIVING!

Very dangerous and scary.

Well, nap time now. Talk to y'all later...

Part-time Work

The part-time from the agency came through. I have a courthouse date today.

I also got a couple of assignments for secret shopping - did you know that's real? I was sure it was fake until a friend told me about it a few years ago. I finally got hooked up with the "real" folks, and have a couple of assignments there.

So, I should be able to pay car insurance and car payment - maybe keep the cats in food this month.

Utilities - not so much.

Bills - not on the radar yet.

Taking a little trip...

I'm going on a little trip on April 15 - to see my family. I'm taking the "Megabus" that is like an express Greyhound service, but by a different company. I'm going to DC, since that's nearest their house. It's an almost 9-hour bus ride. I'm gonna be sore when I get there!

They have wi-fi on the bus, and I'll be taking the laptop, so we can do a Skype convo with the other family members with my camera setup. We are doing a remote-memorial on our end for a beloved member who passed away.

I expect it will be an adventure. We'll see....

POST SCRIPT -
My trip got moved to May 7th.

Blood Sugar and PTSD Triggers

Man! I hate this being insulin resistant! My blood sugar can dive in an instant.

And that sets me up for PTSD triggers to just eat my lunch!

I forgot to eat breakfast this morning. Actually, I ran out of time. Instead of eating, I applied to a couple of internships so maybe I could get some $$ coming in.

So, I ran to class, sans breakfast. Class was OK, and since I was near the YMCA, I decided to go over and get set up, since I can do that for free because of my health clinic setup.

Well, I got over there, and the parking lot was FULL! I mean, there were people driving around looking for spaces...

So, I left, trigger started...

I got cut off by a huge truck in the Old City where I usually turn, so I took the next street. A one-way street, going my way. A light blue SUV decides to come right at me -- going the wrong way mind you! He put me into the loading dock on my right, and I barely missed the concrete! PIG! I really hate SUVs and their drivers in this town!!!

So, I make it to the street I need and it's clear, so I pull out. I decided that any SUV that got in my way, I'll be honking at. I think it's time I turned into a NY driver - sitting on my horn all the time.

If they won't put their cell phones away, then they are really blind or something. I'm so sick of the way they think they own the roads! Always going over the line into my lane, not paying attention to where that behemoth vehicle is going, which is a death-trap and a deadly weapon, all at the same time. My horn is now primed!

So, I got home, made a breakfast smoothie. I dropped the my bag of frozen strawberries on the floor, so I had to wash them off and put them in the fridge, instead of in the freezer. Just a mess all around! By this time, I'm shaking, my blood sugar is so low!

I sucked that thing back and it took less than 5 minutes for the protein to start hitting. I feel much better now.

My PTSD is bad enough, with the startle reflex, the irritability, and the safety/security/body issues. Add the insulin resistance, low blood sugar and then falling asleep after I've eaten and it spikes, and yes, there are serious things going on.

In case you think I'm not talking to my docs about it - think again! They haven't found anything!!! Yeah! The 3-month test - the A1C test - shows nothing wrong. Yet I experience this wild swing on a daily basis.

Oh yeah, that stress test--> My heart is fine. They think it's "indigestion" again. At least they gave me nitro tabs, so when my heart goes nuts, I have them.

Unemployed again....

I got laid off today. I hate being unemployed. When I screw up, then maybe I deserve to lose my job. But this time, nope!

I got this job because I have a certain zip code. That's what it is. They needed somebody from my zip code to qualify as a certain kind of federal contractor. So, I live here, and it is what it is.

Well, there have been some changes in personnel, and they hired 2 people from this zip code for full time jobs. I didn't even get a glance for one of them.

It isn't because I'm a bad employee, but because I lose my voice every day. I have really bad asthma and allergies around here and I lose my voice. I can't pay for the meds they want me to take for it, and I hate the side effects. My body can't handle it. So, I lose my voice. No biggie for me - I hate talking on the phone anyway.

So, I was ignored for the call-out jobs, and that's what it is, too.

On top of that, I was offered a fill-in part time job doing some research at the courthouse, since I was already working downtown. Without this job (the one I just lost), I'll have to make other parking arrangements, but anything I pay out (not reimbursed) is deductible from my taxes, and I know how to keep track of it all. I don't know if I'll get the second job or not, but it would be nice. It has the same number of hours, but it pays a little better.

I'm in school, and I have Tuesday and Thursday morning class. I can't miss the class. Next semester, all my classes are evening classes, so school will be much more "work hour friendly" than this semester. But for now, I need those mornings for school.

At least, this time, I can file for unemployment. It won't be for much, but it will be a little bit.

I guess I'll do my homework this weekend, then just spend the next couple of days cleaning my house really well. It could use it, and the cats will like having me home.

Yeah, right now my attitude is OK, but who knows what it will be like later.

Another good thing is that the bills are paid - all except the house payment anyway. I was able to really pay stuff up and off with the last student loan check. So I'm not doing too bad. I have money in the bank and another paycheck coming. That will be the "waiting week" for unemployment, and the following week I should get a small stipend. Very small.

Overwhelm and News

It used to be that we read the newspaper in the morning, and caught the news around suppertime. We could go about our days and pray for the unfortunates we heard about, and otherwise deal with our days and our lives.

Now, with 24/7 coverage, we are bombarded with the bad news all the time. We have the morning programs, 24/7 coverage, hourly updates on the radio and TV... We can't escape it. Everywhere we go, we are bombarded with the bad news.

It's a lot like "1984" with the TV blaring and the cameras everywhere, "Big Brother" watching us.

I have to tune out. I must, for my sanity. I can pray for the unfortunates, and donate to Red Cross, but there is really nothing else I can do. I don't choose to feel bad because there are people in the world having problems. Whether of their own making or not!

Wars are of their own making - Revolts and Uprisings are of their own making. Natural disasters - earthquakes, tsunamis, volcanos, those are not of their making. Nothing I can do in any case. I don't have to feel bad. It may be my turn in an hour.

So, I choose to tune out. Join me, why don't you????

Earthquake in Japan

I've been watching news reports all day about the terrible earthquake and resultant tsunamis today. I just send prayers and love to the victims.

Maybe this is the "Rapture" that everybody talks about - God taking home massive numbers of souls in various disasters around the world. Nasty way to go about it, but less "showy" than that depicted in the movies.

Initial Results - Health Appt

I saw the doc yesterday. Changed up the meds, and I go back in a week. The EKG showed no heart damage, and my pulse rate gave the machine fits - very low.

They are scheduling a stress test - where I get plugged up and walk a treadmill for a few minutes. Good workout if nothing else. It will show if there are any blockages or narrowings in the arteries, causing the heart to not get enough oxygen when I'm active.

I've lost 8 pounds, so my home scale isn't a complete liar. It's not very accurate, so I don't believe it most of the time.

Still have a long way to go...

Hearts and High Blood Pressure

My heart is not happy. My blood pressure is out of whack again. I'm going to the doc as soon as I can get in, but I wanted to say something about it.

It started about 3-4 weeks ago when I ran out of one of my meds and couldn't get any for 2 days. The pharmacy was closed when I finally got there on Sunday, so I had to wait another day to get it. I stopped in on the way to work on Monday and took one while they were ringing it up. I couldn't believe how rotten I felt after only 2 days.

Well, I've never really come back to myself since then. I've had chest pain, nausea, shoulder and arm pain, and neck pain. OK - Enough! I know what that means, but figured there were other reasons behind it - like usual! Every time I go to the docs with it, they tell me it's indigestion or gas, so I'm reluctant to spend my sparse funds on allopathic medical care when they can't face it square.

And recently the dizziness is back, so I started monitoring the blood pressure again - before meds it's really high, and after the meds (an hour) it's still not right. The resting rate is a little high, but not too bad, but the pumping rate is way high.

So, I'm going to the docs office today. I barely have enough $$ to eat, but I'm going.

Screw you all....

Funky Dream

I had a dream about the classifieds. Not today's classifieds, but those of maybe 60 years ago???

The ad read "Joy than time fridge. Keeps time! Observes Memorial Day..."

That means it's cheap to free, runs intermittently, and doesn't work on hot days.

Sound familiar?

Have a good one....

Too Much Math!

Well, I dropped the math class. It was just too much work, and I need an in-class style class. Then, it turned out I didn't even need the class! They re-evaluated my transcript, and accepted 4 more classes. That means that pretty much anything that is 1000 level I don't have to do. There is one writing class I have to do, but that shouldn't be hard. The rest - it's all gravy!

I have to continue my technology course, since that was never in my plans before - so the "Survey of Software" will continue. It helps to learn MS Office, but I actually have to take a no-credit course for Quickbooks. And since they dropped so many classes off the ticket, I'm going to take a second accounting course. I need it, and I have room.

The original program was 61 credits. Dropping 18 (my transcript) puts the total credits at 43. Add 3 for the accounting, and I need to take, and pay for, 46 credits.

Dropping the class moves me from 3/4 time to 1/2 time, so there will be an adjustment in Financial Aid monies, too. That's a bummer, but necessary. I just hope I don't have to pay any back! That will all be sorted by next week, so let's just pray, OK?

Agism vs Experience

I'm taking a management class at the local junior college. There is a group of young men - probably all in their 20's who snicker when I open my mouth to discuss, ask questions or contribute to the class.

I've owned (still own some) businesses, worked in many fields, lived in many parts of the country - I'm double most of their ages! They could all be my sons, and possibly even my grandsons, if they are young enough.

It gripes me that youth can't learn from experience. They look at my gray hair, overweight body and wrinkles, and think I have nothing in my past. Just because they have no past, doesn't mean I have no past. In my youth, I was cute, skinny, and very active in life. I was busy making mistakes, failing, and trying again.

There's a lady in the class who's either been in an accident or had a stroke or something. Part of her body doesn't work. She's intelligent and interesting. She's a winner. She didn't roll over and die just because she has a disability. I admire her a lot. These boys - I'm sure that eventually they will have a thought worth thinking, and a dream worth pursuing.

But you know, how many of them have a side business that pays them almost $200/mo without doing anything? It's not a lot, but it's something. It makes more if I pay attention to it and answer e-mails. I have earned over $500/mo from it, when I was paying attention to it. And yeah, it can all go away in a flash.

It just makes me wonder. Was I like that in my 20's? I'd like to think that I honored older people a little better. Gert, Helen, Veronica - the women who passed through my life when I was that age. All gone now, but they each had something to teach me. My mom had lessons to teach me, too. I had a harder time with her lessons, but I'm thinking about some of them lately.

I hope these young folks I'm meeting today will see wisdom, not just failure or strength, in me.

Overwhelmed

I've been huddled up with school books, class DVDs, and a calculator. I'm not ignoring the world because I'm depressed- I'm extremely busy!

I finally got to the post office yesterday to get stamps. I mailed the cell phone back to the provider with a "request" to cancel service. I'm so over them...

I checked out of Facebook early last week - posting a status that left no doubt as to why I'm not checking in.

I got another 150 e-mails overnight. This has got to stop! Not the good kind, either. Most were spam, something I don't need to see everyday, or just notifications. It all takes time to sort and sift. The remaining 10 or 20 needed to be read and dealt with. And that's not even including business and school e-mail!

Oh, well....

All will be well. I should be caught up on math by Monday, and have the management test done tonight.

Cell Phones

When I get a cell-phone, I'm suspicious of it. They never last in my life for very long.

The one I just de-commissioned was because the company that issued it would not honor their contract with me. When my contract says I get x-amount of minutes per month, I expect to see those credited to the time on the phone.

They consistently halved my minutes, so I cut up the sim-card (the little card inside the phone with your phone number - it makes the phone work) and packed it all up (sim-card included) and sent it back to the company. Of course, I included documentation, and a photograph of the contents of the box, and I sent it registered, return-receipt. I know all too well how people and companies, particularly unethical companies like this one, will try to say that so-and-so never happened.

Anyway, I don't like cell-phones. I spent $13 to have a bumper-sticker made up that says "Hang Up And Drive" and I pasted it on the back window - low enough that I won't get a ticket, and high enough that the gal in the SUV in the next lane with the phone on her ear will see it while she's veering into my car. I'm sick of it!

There's even a story today in the news about a driver who was texting while driving and drove right into a home! These things ought to be outlawed while driving.

I saw a kid, absolutely dejected, spending time with his weekend-dad, and the guy (Dad) was on the phone for over an hour. The poor kid was about to cry, and didn't dare, because that might ruin his time with Dad. I felt so bad for the kid, I wanted to take the phone and step on it. Maybe Dad would pay attention to his kid. DAD - HONOR WHAT'S IN FRONT OF YOU!

I saw a Mom, 2 little kids running wild in the store, totally oblivious to her kids destroying merchandise, pulling things off shelves, and running into people, while she was engrossed in the conversation with someone miles away. Those kids were out of control! MOM - TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS!

I have a class where the teacher has said if your phone rings or you answer it while in class, you will be failed for the day. Your attendance will be struck from the book. How can you possibly pay attention in class when you are on the phone? Texting or talking - it all splits your attention. STUDENTS - YOU ARE PAYING A LOT OF MONEY TO FAIL CLASSES!

Telephones in and of themselves are an evil invention. No other appliance rancors, demanding immediate attention, as much as the telephone. Husbands and wives in the middle of life-changing discussions, and the phone rings, so the discussion is never concluded. All that emotion just left to build up in the nervous system. Topics never resolved, anger with no target, no release. Concentration broken, solutions never reached.

A friend of mine doesn't take phone calls during certain hours of the day. I find that a refreshing attitude. She won't answer the cell phone or the office phone. It all goes to voice mail. She gets a lot of work done, because she follows that path. Even her parents and children know to not call. If it's an emergency, there are ways to get her attention, just not by phone.

Just think about what you do when you talk on the phone. Every one and every thing around you fades into the background. You are on the phone. The person on the other end of the line has your attention and your focus. You aren't here. You aren't now.

Put it down and turn it off.

Weird and Disturbing Dream and a Great Movie

First the bad stuff. I had a bad dream of triplet females being raped before their first mensus by men of differing races as an experiment in geno-typing and an attempt at breeding controls such as was done in Nazi Germany. Woke me up and I was disturbed by the thought that many of my dreams are like this.

Second, I saw a great movie last night called "Faith Like Potatoes" and I will be looking for it to add it to my library. It's another religious/spiritual/christian style movie such as "Shoes of the Fisherman," "Left Behind," "Flywheel," "Facing the Giants," and "Fireproof." I like those and feel uplifted after watching them. There are many series, also that I like to watch. I don't know all their names, but I sure look for them when I'm surfing the TV late on certain nights.

I also watch 3ABN a lot. It keeps my mind centered on what's really important in my life. While Egypt is in turmoil, it helps me to remember that this is all planned out, even though it's scary.

State of the Union

I've been asked several times what I thought of Obama's State of the Union Address. I'll tell you the truth, I didn't listen.

The way I figure it, he was hired for 4 to 8 years by the people of this country. At 2 years, there's a "referendum" vote, as Congress and the Senate are shuffled around. That kind of tells him whether we like what he's doing or not. The results were mixed this last election.

Next election, we either vote to keep him another 4 years or we replace him. If we liked what he did, we generally keep him on.

It's like any other temp job. And even not-temp jobs!

I like the attitude expressed in the movie "Dave." It's a temp job. Even if we keep a President on for a full 8 years, it's still a temp job.

So, keep asking, and I'll keep telling you. If my life is better, I like him. If my life is worse, I don't. If I think things will get better if I keep him in office, I'll vote in a way to show my approval. If I'm pessimistic about the future because of his programs and policies, I'll vote against him. It's that simple.

And it isn't just Mr. Obama that I feel this way about. I was this way about the last 4 presidents. Even Mr. Clinton had my input this way. And Mr. Reagan, Mr. Bush and Mr. Bush Sr. I even had my opinions on Nixon and Ford.

So, don't ask me and don't send me e-mails about how good or how bad somebody is in that chair. You aren't in that chair. Whoever is in that chair, in that office, has a lot to think about and a lot to do. I'll tell you how I feel with my vote.

Not Getting Woken Up! :-D

Well!!! How cool is this! Whatever the guys did in the attic at least moved the alarming watch to another location! I am not hearing it - or it's so quiet that I can sleep through it...

Now remember - this is not a blaring alarm, like my alarm clock! It's a tiny alarm like a watch would make, and it was coming into my room, the center bedroom and was likely located someplace between the two, perhaps over the guest bath.

It may have been on a rafter, so the sound carried.

All the guys from Habitat did, was brush stuff around with a broom. They didn't find it, and it's still up there. They were scratching their heads, trying to come up with a plan to find it. They moved all the insulation around in that quadrant of the house.

But I don't hear the alarm enough to be woken by it! YAY!!!

I'm still falling asleep at work, and at important and inopportune times of the day, but that will slow up and cease, now that I'm sleeping through the night.

And not a day too soon, either. School promises to be very intense for this 55-yr-old woman!

Didn't find the alarm source

The guys from Habitat didn't find the alarm source. They have to try a different tool. Maybe a metal detector? How about a pitch fork or spading fork?

Meanwhile, I can't keep the house if money doesn't turn around, anyway. And I can't concentrate to make money because I can't sleep. A Catch-22.

Maybe it's time for me to give up. Maybe I don't have it in me anymore to keep fighting. It just seems like no matter what I do, I'm hitting a brick wall.

I'm not following God's will, that's all I know for sure.

With God behind me, everything is easy and works. The universe gets behind me and pushes me along to give me speed. I float and fly through things that take others weeks and months to do.

When I'm on the wrong track, I hit wall after wall after wall. School is a wall,the house is a wall, the electric bill is a wall, work is a wall. My health is a wall. Absolutely everything I do right now is twarted.

Except going to meetings. That I can do well.

I'm so tired. I'm so worn out. I need to sleep, and I keep getting woken up.

I qualify by income to have my taxes done for free - but because I need a schedule C, I have to pay $100. I don't have $100 to pay to have my taxes done. I still owe $380 from the last 2 years of having my taxes done. I even qualify for the EIC for the first time in my life!

Yeah, cancer is a bitch. I lost a friend to cancer overnight. I'm lucky my situation was only a scare of cancer. But living with the economic consequences of that is a TOTAL BITCH!!!!!

Started School & They Showed Up (?)

Yeah - lets jump to it - Habitat guys showed up, went up into the attic and then I had to take my shower so I didn't find out if they found that D*&)ed Alarm.

I slept on the chair last night, just so I could make it today. I had to start school, with my first class at 9:15. From there I went to work then home to eat. I have KEW (for those not privvy... http://womencreatingwealthonline.com/) and then I get to be home about 10 tonight.

No program stuff today, other than continuing to listen to speaker tapes. Oh, and got a call from somebody who probably will hound me for the next 3 months while she avoids doing what she should do Right Away! to stay sober. Oh well, at least I'm not her. And if she doesn't follow through this time, I'll tell her to quit calling. I'm not going to be her doormat or her excuse. If she wants to stay sober, she will make her amends, it's just that simple.

Next class is Monday evening. I STILL don't have the financial aid and school stuff sorted out! I called again tonight, and it's because the major - that I filed to change 2 days ago, still hasn't been processed. I'm in danger of being dropped from all the classes and having a huge bill because somebody didn't bother to put the change thru.

On top of beginner diabetes, this is not a fun time. Cats are good, though. I guess I can be thankful for that.

Alarm in the Ceiliing

I'm so sick of this! 3:27am!
How would the folks at Habitat like to be woken up like this for 15 months solid!

I can't get any sleep, I'm getting sick! My mental state is ruined, and I'm not a lot of fun to be around.

I've called and been told that this would be addressed. I don't know if I can take it much longer. I'm either going to go crazy or move.

I guess I might as well start packing. I have to leave this house.

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