Limits, Boundaries and Serenity

I'm finding that serenity is more important to me than anything else these days. I can't take a lot of craziness or disturbance. I need peace.

Sometimes, I do too much and pass my limits. It causes pain and frustration, and I have to curtail my activities. I went grocery shopping on Friday. It wasn't a lot, and it took less than an hour. But walking all over the supermarket to fill my list distracted me from my legs. By the time I got the groceries into the car, I knew I was spent. From my waist down, I burned and hurt.

I took some analgesic and stayed off my legs the rest of the evening. I didn't try to go to my meeting. By last night, I was able to go to meeting and get down, and then back up, the stairs. But I felt every step. I used the cane with extra support, and felt unsteady. I wonder if I need even more assistance...

I have a dear friend who is going through some really tough times. She is trying to get better, but life is coming at her hard right now. I feel for her, I really do. But her craziness is hard for me to be around. She needed a ride on Wednesday, so I came with my car. I took along my crochet bag and worked on a project, so she could do what she needed to do, and we had a little visit before her appointment. After her appointment, she made a phone call and got another ride home.

I haven't heard from her, so I can only pray she's OK. During our visit, she talked non-stop. We hadn't seen each other for several weeks, and a lot has happened in my life, what with losing a cousin and deciding to transfer to University. So, I wonder if I can continue to be around her if she can't hear me. Yes, she needs to be heard, too, but friendship is give-and-take, isn't it?

I have another dear friend who just lost her job after 20 years when the company she worked for was sold. I haven't spoken to her in a while, either, and we had a nice, long conversation a few days ago. We didn't have to make a big deal about it, just a nice conversation. I had my coffee, she had hers. We caught up. Give and take, and strong support for each other.

Serenity is important. That peace that surpasses understanding. It comes with faith, direction, acceptance and a sense that all is right with the world.

I know that my pain is because I did too much and expected too much of my body. It is no longer the body of a young lady, and I forget that. I need to listen better, and learn to do that while I'm doing other things.

I know that my newly unemployed friend will be OK. She did nothing wrong, and the next step in her life is what is supposed to happen. One door closing and another opening. She has time to sit and catch up with herself to decide which door to open.

My other friend, the one in crisis...
I can only pray for her. She's running from pillar to post right now, and can't sit long enough to get quiet and hear the voice of God. I can only pray that when she contacts me, my words will be the ones she needs to hear. She teaches me my limits and shortcomings when we interact, so I'm grateful for her, but her life is hard to witness right now.

I know that her pain and changes are not my pain and changes. I know that I have not caused these things to happen in her life. I know that I did not cause my other friend to lose her job. The only thing I did in my own life, that is under my control, is doing too much walking in the grocery store. So that is my part.