Overcoming Bad Feelings....

I've been in a funk lately. I reacted badly to some things in my life, and I started to spiral down. My reaction was one of creativity.

I've picked up the crochet, and made myself a little blank book. I spend all today working on the book.


The glue is still wet, so it has to sit out and open overnight. At least overnight.

I'm working on this crochet pattern:

I added some rows to the pattern so that it will make a nice stole, so this printout is only about half the size of the finished stole. I'm making it in black yarn.

When I get upset, depressed and otherwise unhappy, the best way for me to get out of it is to connect with that Universal Force and Intuition. I connect with the Universal Creative Force. I get out of that nasty place right away.

I don't like being unhappy. I don't like being depressed. I don't like feeling helpless. This is my remedy.

Finished Summer Classes

Well, for better or worse, I finished the summer classes I was taking. I think I got a "B" in both. At least by points, I did. If there is any subjective component, there may be a slight difference. But that means I don't have to repeat either course, and the grades won't hurt my GPA. Won't help it, but won't hurt it.

Now, I have about 3 weeks to get packed and ready to go to University. I'm taking a week to clean the house and just veg. Not really veg, since I don't do that well. I'll probably crochet a lot, maybe fix some of my clothes, and if I get ambitious enough, I might even make a couple pairs of pants. I have the fabric. And I have this great fabric for a robe, too. I'll need one that's lighter than my terrycloth robe. But if I don't get that ambitious, there is plenty to do. And Habitat is having a clothing sale this upcoming week. Their prices are so much better than KARM.

I'll be having some friends in next Saturday for a "Movie Night" and some fellowship. I invited about 12, but I know that some of them won't come. That's fine. I can seat everybody. I will make some "finger foods" for the evening, along with some tea for iced tea.  I'll make my favorite, decaf-cinnamon-no sugar tea. I have another 7 ice trays in the freezer to break out, and I'll put in another round of those so there is plenty of ice. There will be coffee, too. I have to dig out the coffee maker anyway to clean it up so I can take that to University with me.

I got cat food the other day, so there is cat food ahead. And they are sure snuggley. There are already some behavior issues building that need to be worked out. Fluffy and Beasley need to be groomed, and Bugsie is having breathing issues really bad. I guess I need to get that Felisyl. I must have been ignoring them, so they are misbehaving. But Queenie has been like this for about a year. She's decided that she is the top cat and everybody had better do as she says. She's really a mean alpha cat. Princess was much nicer about things.

My sleeping schedule is not any better. I got 5 hours last night. Yesterday, while I was reading my textbook, I kept falling asleep. About every 1/2 page, I was drifting off. I'd shake myself and push on, trying to get it read so I could take the test before the deadline. I wish I could sleep better. My friend said I should try Vitamin D, so I'll get some when I get some money in.

People Stupid, Holidays, Reflections on Sobriety

It seems the holidays are in full swing. I have finals coming up, too. This year (2011) has just seemed to fly by.

Parties, school, finals, meetings, changes - all happening pretty quickly this year. Friends and family have passed on, other friends have come to join me on my journey. There was even a birth early this year, adding to my family.

Sobriety has been a gift this year. Not that hard to be sober. I've had a couple of cravings - mostly when something else was going on, like taking pain pills for toothache before I had the teeth pulled.

However, I still feel like I'm kinda people-stupid.

I have a "friend/sponsee" who just dumps on me. I don't know how to stop that kind of thing, and it's really annoying. But I do it to my sponsor, too. Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be. I just wish I could steer her into a more healthy way of dealing with stuff. But I know you have to go through it to the other side. There is no shortcut to growing up.

Then there's the way I communicate with my aunt and uncle. It's like I can't ever say what I mean - or the words get jumbled up and come out wrong. It can't all be my brain-fart - my neurological wiring problem. It's like I don't realize how my words sound to folks. Maybe I really don't know how I sound to folks. Maybe that's my biggest problem?

I've been crocheting this coat. I had one sleeve front completely done, and decided it looked wrong. There must have been a pattern mistake or something. I even sent an e-mail to the folks who wrote the book! So, I took it all out and tried to figure out how it should go. About half-way through, I realized that the pattern WAS right, and my "thinking" was messed up. I pulled out what I'd just done and started to re-do the sleeve again. That's my thinking with people in a nutshell. I think I know what I mean to say, but the words get all messed up in my thinking....

Yep, I know it all and realize I don't. Got to follow directions better....

Updates...

The plumber hasn't been here yet. I heard from Habitat and checked in late Friday, so I'm sure I'll hear back from them on Monday, if not actually see a plumber this week...

One of my neighbors used the weed eater on the front around the culvert. That at least lets the rain and runoff have a way to get to the drain system. I'm not sure which one did it, but I'll be nice to both, and check around, just to be sure...

It was a dead end on the tape of mom's voice. That's a shame, really. When she died, my sis and I checked into finding her ASCAP holdings, and copyrights, and the search was more $$ than we could afford. I'll just have to keep my memory of her singing alive the best I can.

I've made another of those items I made and sent to my sis. I mailed the package last week, so as soon as I hear she's received it, I'll post the photos of the crocheted items and the pattern I've used.

The room is ready! I've posted photos and the ad for a tenant. I still have to get a real bed, but I can do that when it's rented, before they move in. I had 2 responses, and I'll call tonight.

Work is still elusive. I'm pursuing Title V this coming week.

I should get my Food Stamp allotment in the next couple of days, but that won't cover cat food. The Unemployment Office is supposed to give me a $25 gas voucher in the morning on my way out.

I don't know how to cover the car insurance or my med refills, but I'm sure something will present itself. If nothing else, I will go to day labor to get the money I need by doing whatever they present to me. It may take 2 days to get the amount I need, but if I can do 2 days this week, then God can help me with the physical pain in the evenings.

I'm turning my weight issue over to God. I can't do it alone. Now it's time for Step 4. "Embrace the process to learn about my motives" will have to be my mantra for the next couple of weeks, while I do all this....

Crochet!

I went crazy yesterday, following a link to Lion Brand Yarns from Facebook.

I found 50 or more crochet patterns and downloaded them to my computer. I printed out another 30 or so.

I'm actually making up one of the items - but I won't be publishing a pic till after my sister's birthday - since I'm making it for her...

UPDATE: 7/17 - I finished the piece last night, but again, no photos till my sis receives it. It came out pretty good!

Traditional Crochet Dishcloth

Here is a more traditionally shaped dishcloth. I had a lot of yarn left over, so I made this up. It took about 90 minutes.

The Pattern:
ch4, sl st together into a ring
ch3, 2dc, ch 3, *3dc, ch3* 3 more times, connecting ring with sl st.
3dc ch3, 3dc in each ch3 space around.
As the square becomes larger, 3dc in opening between 3dc of previous row, and 3dc, ch3, 3dc in each corner.
The edging:
Row 1: ch 5, sk 2, sc; then sl st 3 to get to the center of the first ch5 and ch5,
Row 2: sc in center of each ch5 around.
Finish off.

Dreams & Crochet

I had a dream using the format of NCIS, with Ziva, DeNozo, Tim and Gibbs. That crazy attorney lady was in it, as was Ducky. The other characters weren't in it.

I was on the team, protecting a woman - she was killed by a sniper. I had an uncomfortable moment figuring out what to call Gibbs.

My girlfriend was also on the team, pursuing a man. She was being followed by the crazy attorney lady.

The man she was following was "of interest" but not wanted, and was somehow related to the lady I'd been protecting.

That's it. My brain thinks weird ways sometimes. I can come up with all kinds of plot twists that aren't there.

It makes me a good writer, but so far things haven't been published.

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The crocheting I did wasn't as pretty as I'd wanted, but here's a photo of it.

No, it's not a hat. It's a dishcloth. It's trianular with a round hanging ring at the top.

The yarn is really bad! It kept splitting and coming apart. That greenish color is really a gray, but there are large bits of it in the skein.

I used single and double crochet, chains, and some fans/shells, and I did a couple of rows of back post stitches.

Crochet

I went to Big Lots and spent way too much. What started it was yarn. Yeah, like I need any more of the stuff...

Well, there was a real nice acrylic yarn in grays and black, perfect for socks or a dishcloth. Only one skein, so it'll be a dishcloth. I'll post the final result when it's finished - probably tomorrow.

Feeling Better, But....

I heard this is the crud going around that turns into pneumonia....

She said it's pH related. So, no coffee, no dairy, no sweets, no citrus, no beef or pork, and so on...

Eat as alkaline as possible, keep the tissue from swelling.

During sleep, my nose is clear. I get up, it starts to congest and run again. I figured I just needed to vacuum, which I do anyway. One person has had this for 8 weeks and is still sick. I've had it for 2+ weeks, and I'm over it.

So, I'll adjust my diet, which I was doing anyway, and maybe even feel a little better.

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Meanwhile, I've been crocheting. I hit the sales right after Christmas and got more yarn. I ran out of yarn (or very close) for my coat project. I'll try the framework again next week, and begin laying out some of the larger pieces to see where I am as far as how much I still need to crochet. I am sure that I don't have enough pieces, but I wonder if I need another run to the yarn store...

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And another update on Walmart-
They are closing their crafts/yarn/fabric section.

I boycott Walmart. They come in to a town, undercut all the prices of all the mom-n-pop stores, and put them out of business. OK, low prices are great, but these little stores have been around forever and have a lot of variety in them. They are fine-tuned to the neighborhood where they are located, or they wouldn't still be in business. Suddenly, you have to go to Walmart, and some of the speciality items are no longer available.

Next, Walmart stops carrying whole lines, like the crafts/fabric/yarn section they are pulling out of the local store. Now, you can't find those items within a 200 mile radius. Whole ways of life are being changed and ruined by Walmart because of their predatory tactics.

I believe in shopping locally. Groceries, produce, mom-n-pop stores. There are some chains/franchises that I will use, such as Pet Supplies Plus. That is a regional chain - Tennessee and North Carolina, a little in Virginia. They are not nationwide. I stopped using Walgreens as much. I go to a large chain grocers because that's what is available, but Food City is my choice, and the chain is not as large as the other chain in town. I also like their produce better.

I like Earth Fare, which is a local green-grocer chain. They are knocking on the door of the chains, and they carry more of the healthier choices and brands than the others. I'm not always in the neighborhood for them, though. We also have a food co-op here that I frequent, Three Rivers.

Shop locally. Support your local infrastructure. If you don't, you won't have a job or a place to shop pretty soon. And your opinion won't count! Remember that special item that you could always get at the neighborhood shop that isn't available anymore?

It used to be that if I wanted something special, the manager of the grocery store would order it. Not so much anymore. I have to go to several stores, looking, and maybe find it - or not. I end up requesting it or getting it online a lot of the time. Costs more that way.

So, support the local shops. You never know when your choice will be taken from you. Good prices aren't the only reason to shop somewhere.

Restless, Crocheting up a storm...

I've been crocheting a project for several months. It's a patchwork sweater-jacket, probably with a hood. Anyway, it's taking a while, and it will be a while longer.

Anyway, I hadn't crocheted for about 3 months, but kept it close. Lately, I'm crocheting again - to the exclusion of other things.

I've been very restless, and overwhelmed daily by this house. It's just past 20 years since my first AA meeting. I can't count that as my sobriety date, but it's been that many years since my first meeting.

It's also getting close to 3 years since my last cigarette. I think that's more what's behind my restlessness. I even caught myself wanting to pick one up the other day. Not because I wanted a cigarette, but because I wanted that familiar action and feel. I certainly don't ever want to smoke again! I wanted that repeating action of carrying the cigarette to my mouth, and I wanted something in my mouth. That explains a lot of why I've been shoveling stuff into my mouth, lately. And it's probably why I've been crocheting non-stop for a few days.

I had 2 meals, my morning muffin, and 2 bowls of ice cream yesterday. That's all. No other snacks or food. So, the ice cream wasn't good for me, but I'm concentrating on the fact that that is all I ate! That's probably the best day I've had in a long time.

I also spent a bit of money this week. I got seeds, a seed-blocker and subscribed to the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens so I could get 4 reports sent over the 2010 gardening year. It was spending on good stuff, but spending when I don't have a lot of $$ is never a good idea. I also ordered several catalogs

I have more money coming in, thank goodness! My bills are paid! I'm really in good shape, but I feel so out of control right now.

On another note, I finally figured out which circuit keeps blowing in my kitchen. It's the stove, and a wall of outlets, all on the same circuit. Not good. The stove should be on it's own. So, the electrician is again not returning my calls. This really needs to be escalated. I just don't know where to go with it.

And the light in my bedroom is still coming on and going off by itself. I really wonder if this house is safe!

Tired of Complaining....

I realized that I've been complaining the last couple of posts...
Well, some good stuff is happening, too...

I got some fab boots - yeah, right! BUT with 6EEEE feet, it's hard to find shoes that fit!

I got a pair of boys 5 1/2 and put some insoles and arch supports in them. They are AWESOME! I can finally hike and work and walk without my feet killing me after 30 minutes! They are strong enough to use on a shovel, or hike the Smokies!

I got my heirloom bean seeds today. Yep, stuff where you need to save seeds because they don't get sold and they are rare. Not hybrid stuff, and ancient seed lines. Fabulous food!

I'm crocheting again for the first time in several months. I've missed it, but couldn't wrap my head around it.

I have a fabulous job that I love, and I've been on the same job almost 2 years. That's damn-near a record! I STILL love it!

My girlfriend gave me these cool fleeces. One is a vest, one a hoodie. Boy, did I need them and do I love them!

Life is good most days.... I just have some rough spots, still.....

Better Today...

I'm doing better today. I plan on taking a break and resting. Maybe my nerves will calm down a bit.

I want to get my sewing room cleared a bit, so I can do some sewing and get creative. That always calms my nerves, too. All the boxes and commotion and mess in there are not conducive to creativity.

I find that when I get creative - crochet, knitting, sewing, painting, or beading; that my doldrums go away, and all's right with the world pretty soon. It's getting the creative juices flowing that's the issue.

If creativity is plugged up by stress, worry or disorganization, I can be very difficult to be around. It's like a spiral out of control, toward depression and unhappiness.

If I'm expressing creativity in one place, it spreads out to the rest of my life. I come up with interesting and novel ideas that actually work, when dealing with the little annoyances that pop up in life. I handle finances better. I approach the most mundane task as an opportunity to express art. I get more satisfied with work. It all just flows. I become very productive, too! It seems to build on itself and feed more creativity. Like begets like.