Writing Progress and Life

I'm in the editing phase of my new book. I ordered three proof copies and sent two out to my "first readers" for comments and suggestions. I've done my own copy and updated the file. The cover was messed up so I had to re-do that, as well. Not surprising. A new essay was also included.

I'm working on the next in the series. I figured out what I wanted to say and how to organize it, which has been an issue for this project. It looks like four books in a series I call "The Patriarchy Series" which begins with questioning everything I've been taught as a woman. The second book is in the first draft phase, and will be about "Deconstructing Patriarchy" - looking at the laws and components that make up patriarchy. I'll be referring to the first work, or I may move one of the essays from there to the second book. Not sure on all of it yet. I need to finish the draft of all four volumes to be concrete with how things lay out and where things are included.

At least I'm writing again. Once I put the components on paper, writing became much easier. I had direction and a framework. All my "essay generator" lists started to fall into place and form.

I'm thinking about a glossary, too. There are terms that would be helpful to the reader.

Eventually, I'd like to publish this all in one volume. At that point it would be the wonderful reader for Women's Studies programs and law schools around the country. Perhaps even around the world. It depends on how much I can put into it and where things fit.

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Kitty and I are still learning each other, and she's begun to trust me a little more. We've established a routine. She comes sometimes when I call her over for cuddles. She chooses my lap for a perch at least once each day. She still doesn't like having her belly rubbed, but her bites are more warning than hurtful. She also kitty-bites with kisses.... Nice when that happens. She purrs a lot more than she did when she came home with me. Her claws are just now grown out from being trimmed so far back in December. I bet that hurt. She even lets me brush her a bit. She still eats more wet food than is good for her and has to be pushed to eat her dry food. And she is highly motivated by meals. If this continues much longer, her weight will drive me to consult the vet about her hunger. It's almost like she has worms, but there is no bloating. She IS putting on weight, which is to be expected. I've taken several photos and posted them on Facebook.

My health issues are getting defined so that I will be able to get the help I need to do what I want to do with my twilight years - write a lot more.... It turns out that when I hit the windshield when I was 9 years old, it was a lot more severe than anyone knew. With no medical care at the time, (I was told nothing and given analgesics), so that when the damage started showing up a few years later, nobody knew or understood what was going on - least of all myself. Well, now I know, and I'm seeking diagnosis and assistance - over 50 years later. Hey! Don't judge! Seatbelts were a luxury item on only some cars, and mom was in the middle of her divorce. I don't blame her for not realizing how serious the injury was - so why should you? There was no blood....

And I'm finally losing some weight. Not because of the mental issues and emotional eating disorder control, but because of some physical issues. I had another colonoscopy because of my back pain when I'm constipated. Turns out they can help me with a nasty and grainy drink that  fixes a lot of the issues I've been having. So, because of strict eating schedules to accommodate the new meds, my weight is reducing. I'm still grabbing the salty snacks, but not as often. And my cholesterol is going down as a side effect. So far, there's no decision on the back pain, though.

Alanon is a blessing. A strange blessing, to be sure, but a blessing. Who knew all the damage that living with an alcoholic could do? The changes in behaviors and character in those who live (or have lived) with an alcoholic are immense. Much more than I ever suspected. Growth in this area is freeing, if difficult to do in the moment.

Politics? I'm on three committees with the TNDP and I will be doing their website - eventually - when the new logo is available. Meanwhile, I look forward to working on a float for the parades around here, participating in picnics and fund raising activities, and tracking issues in the local government bodies. That last one is boring, but really helpful, since I want to see the states (all 50 of 'em) pass laws about political donations and retirement benefits of past elected officials. I think if the states pass laws to fix some of the things that the federal government is refusing to address, we can effect change from the bottom-up.  I will NOT be running for office. It turns out that my insides won't go there. Panic attacks and such. However, I regularly contact all my elected officials and write letters to the editor of our local paper (none published so far).

Blood Sugar and PTSD Triggers

Man! I hate this being insulin resistant! My blood sugar can dive in an instant.

And that sets me up for PTSD triggers to just eat my lunch!

I forgot to eat breakfast this morning. Actually, I ran out of time. Instead of eating, I applied to a couple of internships so maybe I could get some $$ coming in.

So, I ran to class, sans breakfast. Class was OK, and since I was near the YMCA, I decided to go over and get set up, since I can do that for free because of my health clinic setup.

Well, I got over there, and the parking lot was FULL! I mean, there were people driving around looking for spaces...

So, I left, trigger started...

I got cut off by a huge truck in the Old City where I usually turn, so I took the next street. A one-way street, going my way. A light blue SUV decides to come right at me -- going the wrong way mind you! He put me into the loading dock on my right, and I barely missed the concrete! PIG! I really hate SUVs and their drivers in this town!!!

So, I make it to the street I need and it's clear, so I pull out. I decided that any SUV that got in my way, I'll be honking at. I think it's time I turned into a NY driver - sitting on my horn all the time.

If they won't put their cell phones away, then they are really blind or something. I'm so sick of the way they think they own the roads! Always going over the line into my lane, not paying attention to where that behemoth vehicle is going, which is a death-trap and a deadly weapon, all at the same time. My horn is now primed!

So, I got home, made a breakfast smoothie. I dropped the my bag of frozen strawberries on the floor, so I had to wash them off and put them in the fridge, instead of in the freezer. Just a mess all around! By this time, I'm shaking, my blood sugar is so low!

I sucked that thing back and it took less than 5 minutes for the protein to start hitting. I feel much better now.

My PTSD is bad enough, with the startle reflex, the irritability, and the safety/security/body issues. Add the insulin resistance, low blood sugar and then falling asleep after I've eaten and it spikes, and yes, there are serious things going on.

In case you think I'm not talking to my docs about it - think again! They haven't found anything!!! Yeah! The 3-month test - the A1C test - shows nothing wrong. Yet I experience this wild swing on a daily basis.

Oh yeah, that stress test--> My heart is fine. They think it's "indigestion" again. At least they gave me nitro tabs, so when my heart goes nuts, I have them.