People Stupid, Holidays, Reflections on Sobriety

It seems the holidays are in full swing. I have finals coming up, too. This year (2011) has just seemed to fly by.

Parties, school, finals, meetings, changes - all happening pretty quickly this year. Friends and family have passed on, other friends have come to join me on my journey. There was even a birth early this year, adding to my family.

Sobriety has been a gift this year. Not that hard to be sober. I've had a couple of cravings - mostly when something else was going on, like taking pain pills for toothache before I had the teeth pulled.

However, I still feel like I'm kinda people-stupid.

I have a "friend/sponsee" who just dumps on me. I don't know how to stop that kind of thing, and it's really annoying. But I do it to my sponsor, too. Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be. I just wish I could steer her into a more healthy way of dealing with stuff. But I know you have to go through it to the other side. There is no shortcut to growing up.

Then there's the way I communicate with my aunt and uncle. It's like I can't ever say what I mean - or the words get jumbled up and come out wrong. It can't all be my brain-fart - my neurological wiring problem. It's like I don't realize how my words sound to folks. Maybe I really don't know how I sound to folks. Maybe that's my biggest problem?

I've been crocheting this coat. I had one sleeve front completely done, and decided it looked wrong. There must have been a pattern mistake or something. I even sent an e-mail to the folks who wrote the book! So, I took it all out and tried to figure out how it should go. About half-way through, I realized that the pattern WAS right, and my "thinking" was messed up. I pulled out what I'd just done and started to re-do the sleeve again. That's my thinking with people in a nutshell. I think I know what I mean to say, but the words get all messed up in my thinking....

Yep, I know it all and realize I don't. Got to follow directions better....