Survived the "Apocalypse"

Well, another apocalypse passed and I'm still here. I wonder about all the hype that comes around these things.

Life is crazy and chaotic enough without all the hoopla and created drama.

I hope your holidays were good ones. I got to cook and then eat a feast. I spent the day with my cats, quiet and contained. The phone rang a few times, and I was calm and serene. A good holiday for a single lady, I guess.

I had the choice to get involved with people, traffic and company, and chose to spend the day in solitude. I read my book, watched some TV, and rested. It was a good day.

Happy Holidays!

Happy Holidays, folks. I'm offline most of the time, but checking in periodically.

School Semester Ended

I've completed a semester at ETSU in the Women's Studies Program. I created a website for one of my classes that I would like to unveil to the audience of this website.

Women's Studies Education Experience

I hope you will visit the website each semester, as my experience is added.
One interesting result of this program is that the graduate of the program learns how to position herself and sell her experience and education in the work market. We apply what we learn in various ways. I guess that isn't generally done in a Liberal Arts education.

Which Is Better? Online or Brick and Mortar College?

When it comes to getting an education, the school you select is very important. Not only from the standpoint of financial aid, degrees and classes, but also from the standpoint of the college’s reputation.

Online colleges are supposed to be cheaper than a brick and mortar school, but often they are more expensive. You end up paying for the access, the technology, and then the license to use the same lectures given last semester or last year, in your class experience. 

Sometimes, the information is out of date, but usually it is very timely. You pay for instant access to someone 24 hours a day for your questions. You pay for the school to create those online lectures. I wonder why some of the schools have to be SO expensive, though.

Brick and mortar schools are expensive because you are paying for all the fees and stuff that an online school doesn’t offer, like recreation, Greek life, and so on. Most of the in-person professors are well-educated, at least in the upper division work. You might have a grad assistant for your lower division classes. 

For a brick and mortar college, you have the opportunity to do hands-on lab work and experiments without having to provide the lab yourself. You have classmates that you can run into in the dining room, library, and residence halls. You don’t have these experiences in an online school. At an online college, your fellow students may be in different states or countries.

Overall, I like the in-person, brick and mortar schools better than online. I don’t mind taking a few classes online, as long as I can drive over and meet with my professor in person if I have a problem. 

I also think that a brick and mortar school is more likely to have a good reputation out in the world. Ask yourself which graduate you are more likely to hire? Someone from University of Phoenix or Stanford? If you can hire them at the same price, why not go for Stanford? It just makes more sense to me.

Reactive Hypoglycemia

After all this time, after all the tests, the doctors couldn't tell me what was wrong. I happened to be looking for some high protein snack ideas, and found the answer. I have been tested repeatedly for diabetes, and I don't have it. Other things, yes, but not diabetes.

It seems that every day, after a meal, I tend to want to fall asleep. It is a dangerous type of sleepiness. It doesn't matter where I am or what I'm doing - I'm going OUT. That includes driving, so I have to be really careful. It also makes it difficult to lose weight, and that's been going up again. I've started using glucose tablets to stop "the sleepies" in an effort to not offend my college professors, and get my money's worth on this education...

The symptoms of this include sleepiness, headache, trembling or weakness (why I keep falling), headache, dizziness, double vision (not yet), and convulsions. This is serious stuff! And no doctors have even been concerned. They take the diabetes tests and tell me I'm OK, but I'm NOT OK!

I've come to the conclusion that if you are female, with a male doctor, or even a female doctor trained by male doctors (all of them) that you are on your own when you have some weird thing going on. Ask anyone with fibro-myalgia, and they will tell you the same thing. It isn't in our heads, we aren't crazy, and we aren't making this stuff up! Doctors need to LISTEN TO THEIR PATIENTS! 

I started with a site talking about "postprandial (reactive) hypoglycemia" and how it is not related to diabetes.

They talk about a "breakfast test" that diagnoses the problem. You eat protein, carbs, and get blood tests for about 5 hours afterwards. This is different from the usual glucose tolerance test or an insulin tolerance test.

The causes of this are unknown, but there are several hallmarks that you can use to figure it out.
1)  If you are sensitive to epinephrine, or have a lot of it in your body during times of stress.
2)  If you don't make enough "gluogon." This is a hormone that raises blood sugar levels to counteract insulin after you digest your meal.
3)  You've had gastric bypass surgery (not me).
4)   If there is an enzyme deficiency in a child (again, not me, I'm an adult).

All this is lab work, but you can test it yourself at home. Eat a breakfast of 60% protein and 40% carbs. Test your blood sugar before you start eating and then every 30 minutes over a 3 to 5 hour period. Keep hard candy around in case your blood sugar drops too fast. If you have to use the sugar, your blood test needs to stop. Your blood sugar is much too low, and it bottomed before you took the candy.

Take these readings to your doc, and see if they can help you. If they can't, find an endocrinologist who works with folks with reactive hypoglycemia. You have to ask. If they don't know what you are talking about, hang up and call the next doc on your list.

To treat it, the typical hypoglycemic diet works: several small meals, high in protein and low in carbs. They say to stay away from high carb, low fiber diets. Stay away from breads! They are loaded with carbs and simple sugars. Eat a low-glycemic diet as much as possible.

Carry sugar in the form of hard candy or glucose tabs for emergency.

I'll get some gluten-free mix at the health food store, add some protein powder to it, and make up a base I can use for snacking bars. I can use oatmeal ground to a flour and soy flour to make it more like crackers.

I'll add stuff like nuts, peanut butter, some low-glycemic dried fruits, and seeds like pumpkin or sunflower seeds. I can add agave for sweetness for a sweet snack.

I'll probably add cheese with some broken-up dried vegetable chips. That would be a good additive team for a savory snack. When I perfect the recipes, I'll share them here.

Anyway, I figured that this has to stop, and I'm glad I found out all this about it. It validates that I'm not nuts, and that this condition is experienced by others. That makes me feel a lot better. 

And who knows? Maybe by getting this under control I will finally start to lose weight! Sheesh! I'm sure walking enough!

Sleepless Clarity

I hate sleepless nights. I have enough of them lately. Another one last night.

What happens, though, is that I get clarity. I see clearly about things that have bothered me. Things that have happened lately. I see the truth hiding behind the half-smiles, the looks, the thoughtless words.

I got clarity on a failed marriage last night. I realized that I wasn't wrong to end it. Sobriety taught me to not accept things that are bad for me, and that I don't have to stay around people who don't like me. I was thinking about how much I loved the man, my husband, and why I had to leave anyway. His son, you see. His son hated me. He was grown, but lived with us for reasons I don't care to explain. Because I wasn't his mother, he hated me. He made it clear in so many little ways. And my dear husband either didn't hear or ignored my pleas to make it stop. He never acknowledged my pain. So I left. I had to leave for my sanity. And when he begged me to return, I could not. Things had not changed. I had changed.

I also got clarity on a situation I'm dealing with today at school. An organization with which I've aligned myself has no clear identity, and I've been uncomfortable. Now I know why. I will deal with it. I will discuss this with others in the group, with our adviser, and consult my own conscience. I will go forward from there.

A friend commited suicide last weekend. I heard about it on Facebook, not knowing how he died. I found out from another friend by phone. "He died sober," she said. Did he? A permanent solution to a temporary problem. On a dry drunk, I would say. Acting out on old behaviors, and not checking with his sponsor. Not sharing the truth of his feelings and doubts. I sad outcome to a problem with another solution.

These are the things that floated through my mind overnight. I was cold, I was hot, I had to go to the bathroom. For all those reasons, I could not sleep. I miss my cats. I miss my home, I needed to cry and mourn. I needed to mourn a relationship and let it go, and I needed to mourn a friend's passing. I feel strangely rested, for all that.

I know that by the end of the day I will be over-tired and unable to sleep. I'll be sure to take care of myself so that I sleep tonight. My immediate concern is for a mid-term today. I have to do an essay, and I don't write well on the spur of the moment. I need time to draft and polish my words. So, that is my most pressing concern.

A cup of coffee, a long shower, and I'll be ready to face the day.

Please Vote This Year

Several of my friends are saying they can't vote for Obama because of some things they read on the internet. I want to say publicly that a person who does not vote for Obama is effectively voting for Romney.

I can guarantee you that you don't want Romney in the White House. He has a "blame the victim" mentality whether for poverty or sexual assault. He will effectively put corporations in solid charge of the White House and the Supreme Court. With corporations already running the House and Senate, the country will be lost.

He will cut all social programs for poor people, make education prohibitively expensive and remove all access to student loans, because he thinks parents should pay for school, not the state. Not that the state pays, because loans must be paid back - with interest.

Health care will be eliminated for the poor and elderly, the disabled, and the persons in the margins.

I must say that these folks need their heads examined. Really! Even if you don't like Obama because of his person, his background, or his parentage, you need to vote for him, or you are effectively voting for Romney. Don't let marginalized facts and figures stop you from exercising your right to sufferage, which men and women have spent over 150 years securing. Do not allow your rights to be subverted.

Vote. It's too important.

Retiring Comcast for a While

Financially, with running back and forth to school and the cost of gas, and the cost of everything else, I have to cut back. So, I'm cutting the cable bill.

That means I have to disconnect all the Comcast equipment and turn it in tomorrow morning on my way back to school.

I can use that $100/mo for gas and food. Right now, the costs have eaten up everything I have coming in, so there isn't money for anything frivolous, like cable.

The mortgage, car insurance, gas, utilities - I can't do any more. So, I won't be posting or even paying attention to the e-mail on weekends any more.

I hope my friends understand all this. Maybe I can find a hot-spot unit that won't cost too much given the limited usage it will get.

Chance to Share

I'll be telling my story on Wednesday, Sept 26, 8pm at the Munsey Counseling Annex of the Munsey Church in downtown Johnson City - the Women's Meeting.

Hope to see some of my friends from Knoxville there.

Reality vs. Perceptions

The reality of the situation is that I'm in school and it will take 2 years for the Bachelors, and 3.5 years for the Masters. A masters allows me to teach and pay off the student loans, and I don't need school to write. However, going to school gives me access to test subjects and volunteers so that my projects can be completed. Reality also includes a book of original essays I'm in the middle of editing, and getting ready for publication.

My perception is that I'm running out of time. I'm concerned about the political climate, and finances, and my health. My health is the only thing I can control, and it's the one I'm focusing on when I'm not doing homework or attending class. I'm trying to eat better, walk more, and exercise a bit. I'm still eating too much and getting too much salt in my diet. I'm making little adjustments as I go to address the diet, and I'm doing as much as my legs will allow.

I hope my books will get published, that my words will be heard and that somehow they will impact the greater global female population and be the catalyst of a new thought about women's lives. I hope women all over the world will begin to honor themselves and stop allowing men to tell them what they are allowed to think, or learn, or do with their bodies. If men can take potentially harmful libido-enhancing drugs, or those that promote hair growth, why can't women take something or do something to prevent or promote reproduction? Why can't women everywhere take care of their health, feed their brains, exercise their senses, and develop into someone they would like to know and be? Who says that keeping a house is what women are supposed to do?

I'm wondering what December 21 2012 will bring that will change the perception of all the inhabitants of the globe that will "end life as we know it."  Will that be ET, Jesus, a change in climate or earth's tilt, or what? Will we stop ruining this planet? Will corporations be shown to not be citizens, but instead just another -particularly deadly- scam? Will it bring about the end of patriarchy?

The world is in trouble, and I don't know if it's going to end or not. I don't really care. I just miss my cats - they are at home 120 miles away - and I want to finish my work. If "the rapture" is going to take me away, I want to go with my cats. If the world ends in a firey flash, I want to be with my cats. But if the world doesn't end, and I do, I want my work to be done, first.

Off to School I Go!

Well, today's the day I change my life for a while. I become a commuter student, and my cats and I have a bittersweet relationship. My focus has to be on school.

I've been furiously packing and preparing for the last month. I have everything put in containers except for some loose ends. My pillows and two lamps will be loose in the car, but everything else has been contained.  I don't know if I have room for a TV, and even if I do, I don't have any way to get the converter box right now. I'm taking 8 movies, and I'll watch what I can on the computer.

Surprisingly, I slept kinda well last night. I was watching the Gene Kelly marathon on TMC, and was falling asleep during Singin' in the Rain. I love Donald O'Connor's "Make Em Laugh" number.  I started falling asleep during the "Good Morning" number with Debbie Reynolds. I figured I needed to sleep.  I saw the Pirate, and American in Paris. Why do they put the goods movies on so late, I wonder? Not everyone lives in California.

I got up just before 7 this morning, did the dishes and pissed off the cats because they only get crunchies today, and until I get back in two weeks.

I hope Fluffy makes it till I come back. She's so sick. I know she's gonna pass this semester. I just hope I'm home when she does. She has chronic renal failure. And I made it worse by giving her fish cat food for the last 3 weeks. I didn't know that was too high in protein for her. I found some chicken cat food in the cupboard and gave that to her this week, but it might be too late. She's pretty lethargic. She was up watching the birds this morning, so that shows she's still interested in life. But she hasn't been on my lap or on the bed for several days.

Doc has me taking my blood pressure readings at least twice a day again. He's got me on so much medicine, I feel like a pill bottle twice a day!  I'm sure all this stress isn't helping any.

The money hasn't hit my bank account yet. I can't get the microwave or dish rack - or pillows, so I'm taking my normal bed pillows. I also can't get any food except what I can get on campus. And the rear-end of the car won't get fixed here. I'll have to find a place there - since the garage here is closed on weekends. I can't wait on that repair.

I'm trying to set up an efficiency apartment sight unseen, and be ready for two weeks of adjustments and making do. In two weeks, I can bring stuff back and forth as I need to. But this first trip is the biggie. LOTS of stuff going! I just hope I can bring it all back home OK in spring....

Well, turn off the computer, get through the shower and take that blood pressure reading so I can take my morning meds. Then pack the last bits and load up. I expect to be on the road by 10:30. That will give me time to get settled.

Editing Older Works

I've been writing since I was a kid. Not just for school, and not the poetry of teenager, either. Serious essays have been my forte'. I write on a limited topic, up to 700 words, and use all the argument and illustration I can in that space to present an idea or topic that supports an overall position. The essays can be combined using a singular line of reasoning or a similar viewpoint and published as a work of contemporary thought.

I have about 35 works that can be reviewed, brought up to standards, and published. I've grown a bit of a thicker skin about my writing in the past couple of years, and I'm not concerned about others opinions of my topics any longer. Let's just say that you don't have to like my stuff and I don't take it personally. But a true critique is hard to find, since so many folks have opinions on the content.

I've got a lady who wants to edit my work, and I'm giving her an opportunity to do just that over the next couple of weeks. If she edits and does not react to the content, and if her editing is constructive regarding structure, then that's a good start.

Content editing is much more difficult. That requires a person who is sympathetic with the viewpoint, and has a strong grounding in marketing so that their suggestions make the work stronger, and more appealing to my audience. That is a hoped-for situation, but difficult to find. At least so far. Eventually, I'm sure I'll have that type of editor when it's time for that person to be in my life. Who knows? Maybe this woman is that editor...

Finished Summer Classes

Well, for better or worse, I finished the summer classes I was taking. I think I got a "B" in both. At least by points, I did. If there is any subjective component, there may be a slight difference. But that means I don't have to repeat either course, and the grades won't hurt my GPA. Won't help it, but won't hurt it.

Now, I have about 3 weeks to get packed and ready to go to University. I'm taking a week to clean the house and just veg. Not really veg, since I don't do that well. I'll probably crochet a lot, maybe fix some of my clothes, and if I get ambitious enough, I might even make a couple pairs of pants. I have the fabric. And I have this great fabric for a robe, too. I'll need one that's lighter than my terrycloth robe. But if I don't get that ambitious, there is plenty to do. And Habitat is having a clothing sale this upcoming week. Their prices are so much better than KARM.

I'll be having some friends in next Saturday for a "Movie Night" and some fellowship. I invited about 12, but I know that some of them won't come. That's fine. I can seat everybody. I will make some "finger foods" for the evening, along with some tea for iced tea.  I'll make my favorite, decaf-cinnamon-no sugar tea. I have another 7 ice trays in the freezer to break out, and I'll put in another round of those so there is plenty of ice. There will be coffee, too. I have to dig out the coffee maker anyway to clean it up so I can take that to University with me.

I got cat food the other day, so there is cat food ahead. And they are sure snuggley. There are already some behavior issues building that need to be worked out. Fluffy and Beasley need to be groomed, and Bugsie is having breathing issues really bad. I guess I need to get that Felisyl. I must have been ignoring them, so they are misbehaving. But Queenie has been like this for about a year. She's decided that she is the top cat and everybody had better do as she says. She's really a mean alpha cat. Princess was much nicer about things.

My sleeping schedule is not any better. I got 5 hours last night. Yesterday, while I was reading my textbook, I kept falling asleep. About every 1/2 page, I was drifting off. I'd shake myself and push on, trying to get it read so I could take the test before the deadline. I wish I could sleep better. My friend said I should try Vitamin D, so I'll get some when I get some money in.

Starting New Projects

I've registered the domain names and begun the new Women's History Project. I'll be starting a new blog, dedicated to this effort. I hope you will participate, or at least follow the progress of the project as it moves forward. The results will be disseminated through the foundation. 

If you would like to support these efforts, please post a comment to that effect, leaving some kind of contact information. I'll delete your private information and contact you with details.

Also, all women over the age of 30 are encouraged to participate in the project. Once all the pieces are in place, I hope that one can make a phone call (even a Skype call) and record her history, to be included in the project. There is a standard questionnaire to trigger memories, and personal stories are encouraged.

At this time, there is no repository for written histories. Please continue to preserve these as best you can until a repository becomes available, with the necessary document preservation specialists on hand.

Politics, Schoolwork and Writing

OK, it's official. I'm over politics. I don't care whether it's for an elected official in the USA or the local dogcatcher. I don't care if it's for school, the coffeemaker at work, or any other office. I am SICK AND TIRED of it all. When it takes 12 people almost 30 minutes to agree on something, I just don't have time for it. I'm too busy and I'm too much of a control freak. There were five or more of us in the room with time in "service" and we each think we know how things should work. With all the other stuff on my plate, I'm stepping out.

It's not worth the aggravation, sitting in an uncomfortable chair, when all kinds of resentments can develop. I really do like the people, but I can't handle the control issues.
I prefer my life plain and simple, calm and quiet, and leave all the controversy, voting and arguing to those who can handle it. I'm done.  My serenity and sanity are too important to me.

Schoolwork is back in full force after my trip to ETSU. I have been reading and taking quizzes, posting in the discussion topics and otherwise just paying attention. I have a paper to write on Viet Nam, and I've got to get my head around that. I've also found a couple of areas to research/check/explore with my ETSU advisor. I've emailed her and she's now gone out of town, but it's all good.
 
School also presents opportunities for Undergrad Research. That is the women's history book. I have the title, the concept and some of the data, but I need lots more data. I need submissions. If you are a woman reading this, are willing to write your own and your mother's stories, I would love to hear from you. This is the data I need. It can be purely your own writing, but I have standards I need met for the book.  Otherwise, I can't use your story. It isn't that tough, but certain questions need answers and I need a signature giving me rights to use the stories in the book.

On to the next step of stuff... Writing.
I need more $$ coming in, so I'm going to finish one of my books-in-progress. I'll just dictate it into Dragon, edit the heck out of it (since Dragon & I are still working things out) and get the book out. This one is on the cat stuff I do. I haven't released more than the 12-page pdf report so far, but now I want to go into training methods and the personality traits of cats. This book will be for sale, so it will be listed at Amazon, too. I'll let you know when that's done.

School Orientation and Health Care Decision

I was running around East TN State University yesterday, trying to get all the stuff covered that I needed to cover in a one-day orientation, advising and registration session. In the middle of it, I'd heard that the Health Care Reform Act had been upheld.

I didn't hear about the controversy until I was driving home, listening to the radio. Is it a good thing or a bad thing? I think John Roberts is trying to oust a sitting president, and if the Dems have any sense, they will oust John Roberts. If that were only possible...

The Supreme Court has clearly stated duties in the Constitution. They've been trying to legislate instead of stand impartially and compare all actions of the President and Congress to the Constitution, and that is just a problem for me.

I'm so fed up with the gamesmanship in Washington DC. It's just so much posturing. Nothing gets done because they just want to stall so the other guys can't act. It doesn't matter who's in office, really. It's just that the Dems seem to care a little more about the people and a little less about themselves and a lot less about corporate interests.  As an individual, and not a corporation, I prefer the Dems.

As for whether John Roberts will get his wish of ousting a sitting president from the Supreme Court or not, I certainly hope not.

How do I figure that, anyhow? Well, by upholding the health care reform act, Roberts stirred up republican opposition to the act, perhaps making them angry enough to oust the president for Mitt Romney (Egads!!) along with all the dems in congress who passed the bill to begin with.

However, if the Dems play their cards right, and put health care on a person by person basis, show the shenanigans and manipulations as bald political posturing, they have a chance. With Obama in the lead, I'm not so sure that will happen. He's too willing to allow crap. The "no-drama" side of him has to get put away. I'd love to see him yell and scream and have a few choice words at the republicans. That would be a bit better than his cool and calm exterior. Show that he gets pissed. Because if a president doesn't get pissed, he's not much good as a president.

Virus!

I've been mostly in my bed for the last 6-7 days. I got exposed to a virus on April 24th, and it had me in bed by the following Tuesday, May 1. I thought I was better on the 3rd, got up and did some running around, and that was all she wrote.

Down until this morning. The first thing I did was drink a 20 ounce water, since I'm so dehydratated.

I still have a cough, but I feel much better. The sore throat is still here, too. Why? Doesn't make sense. But I feel like I'm on the mend, finally.

NO MORE!!!!

I'm pissed. I'm pissed at publicly traded corporations who only have their bottom line in view.

I'm suspending all services and business with publicly held corporations. This includes Google, Yahoo!, Comcast and others that might be in my life. I'm fed up!

I'm tired of making the big guys rich while I struggle. If you are with me, cancel your gmail account, your yahoo account, and your comcast account. Go to the library and use their internet, it's paid for by your taxes already.

This post is for the other 99%

Story is Completed!

YEA! I got the story done. I'm not completely satisfied with it, but it's done.

My deadlines are April 24, for the story version; and the screenplay version is due on May 3rd. Both are done. I finished it all last night, including figuring out "whodunit" and getting the article back to the original.

My characters could be stronger, there could be more plot complications, the character arcs could be better, but for a first time attempt, it's not bad at all. And it's certainly more than I ever could do before these classes.

I still have to do the "beat sheet" for the screenwriting class, but I re-did the logline/premise, since the original story was so reworked it no longer fit the old logline. And I'm not all that sure about the title.

But who cares! It's done!

I couldn't have done it without the classes, professors, and the most supportive writing environment I've ever known. This is not to say that all writing environments are hostile, but in my experience, editors can be notoriously critical. Are these efforts worthy of publication? In a small way, yes, but in the true sense of the word, I would never inflict this on a reading public. There are holes and incongruities all through it. One character is so weak and wimpy I'd sooner kick her butt than admit I wrote her that way. Things happen and she doesn't speak up or react at all. What a wimp! My villain is not evil enough, and my antagonist is supposed to be more evil but is only kind of evil. The whole thing has holes, like I said.

But to be able to write over 30 pages of fiction - ME! What a concept! What an accomplishment!

Perhaps, one day, I'll go back into this story and work it through. Maybe I'll take the characters and put them through their paces and make them "real" in my head. Maybe I'll fix the holes in the plot. And I have two other stories I wrote in my 20s that I'd like to put through this same process.

But for now, I'm walking away, glad to have made it this far. The sense of accomplishment is enough. The knowledge that I gave it all I had to give at the time is enough.

For now, I need to step away from school and clean the house, do laundry, and really scrub this place down. I have to clear out cat hair, cat puke, dust and body powder. I need to de-flea and deodorize the place. I need to open the windows and let light and air into the house. I need to work on my yard before the city does the lawn.

Yep, my life needs some attention, and I have a few weeks before summer school starts. I need the time.

And for now, I'm going to enjoy the feeling of accomplishment. I've done the work my teachers wanted me to do. I've completed the assignments. Both my classes were more of a "complete the projects" than getting test-as-you-go grades. Just turn in the work at the end of the semester for grades. So, I'm pretty much guaranteed a decent grade in these classes, which will help with GPA.

And I learned quite a bit. I'll be forever grateful to my professors. Edward Francisco has quite a few credits to his name, including publications and teaching. The other, Rob Lloyd, has a different list of credits to his name, in television news and gameshows, and scripts. Both are experts in the worlds they inhabit. To find these men at the junior college level is amazing!

Oxford and Gannett, both represented at Pellissippi. We are truly blessed.

Exposure Dream

I had a horrible dream where I was staying with family someplace in a large room. The room grew a lot during the night, for sure! When I woke up, there were several more beds, and a crib. And there were men in the beds!

I had to get up and get dressed, and men kept popping up every where. I even had a little girl open one of the doors wide!

The room had doors at both ends, and a curtain (open) at one end next to a door that led to the living room.

I felt so exposed.

Of course, I tossed all the men out and covered myself so I could get dressed. So, I took control in someone else's house.

A dream of control and exposure. Just like me, I guess - showing me my foibles once again. I have an amends to make...

Struggling with Story - Grateful for Recovery and School

I've been writing a story for my classes this semester, which is "genie in a box" style, and have a good start with 25 pages for the screenplay, and nearly 38 pages for the manuscript. However, the point of view is skewed. I thought my "heroine" was a certain person, but she's so weak, so meek and so stupid, I just can't go there. The other woman in the story is also not the heroine, since she's pure evil. I've decided to write the story from the chauffeur's point of view. He's a relatively present character, and I think I can turn his character arc into something that works.

What a tangle! I'm still converting the screenplay into a manuscript. When it's done, I'll go back and do the POV to pull the story together. It's a "whodunit" as well as "genie in the box" so it can be an entertaining read - if I ever figure out the thief! Yep, even I don't know whodunit...

At least not yet. I have suspicions, but it will all come to light at the end one way or the other. Considering this is the first full story I've written in a long time, it's kind of fun to see how it all develops.

I'm a much better writer for these classes this semester. I'm thankful I took them, even though they don't really count toward anything in my degree. I've learned something from every class I ever took - even the ones I didn't need for the degree I was pursuing. I think education is valuable for it's own sake. The more you learn, the better you can relate to your world - even if the class doesn't seem to relate - you will learn something.

For instance, I've learned a lot about myself and my history during this semester. Stuff started "gelling" about my history and I found words to describe things that I experienced that had no words before. I realize what happened and why I got embroiled in them. As a result, I've found forgiveness for my foibles, strength of character, and respect for myself that I didn't have before. That just can't be a bad thing!

I also found more forgiveness for those around me.

I guess this is all a part of maturing toward 60, but somehow, with my history, I don't think I'll ever feel 60. It's amazing I made it past 13!

Meanwhile, my home group continues to struggle with Tradition 2 - and what the oldtimers mean and how things should be run. It's a grueling and scary process for us. The tolerance levels are higher since the group conscience, but I find myself more pissed off than ever. I write about it nearly every day. I got myself on the "committee" for change and evaluation. All of us want a good strong home group, all of us respect the traditions and expect change - even when it's scary. All of us have over 20 years. I think I might have the least sobriety (at 20+ years) on the committee, and I've been in the group the least amount of time. The other members, Jim, Cindy, Mike and Doug, are all folks I respect a lot. Jim, Mike and I are the most widely traveled, and Jim beats us all by thousands of miles!

So, knowing that life changes, that my character arc is building into something that makes sense, and coming to the end of another semester, it's all playing out in my life.

Summer classes are two web-based classes - one a psychology, the other history. The psych is the last of the writing for a while, and the history is the last of the core requirements for Tennessee. Starting August, the Women's Studies courses begin, and I have decisions to make - whether to pursue the Appalachian side of things, literature, or history. I'm so drawn to history, but the literature is also important. I think you have to have both to truly understand what's happened to women in history. To put together the story of women.

I want to teach this stuff, so a blending would be really nice.

Cell Phones - Again

Well, I finally gave up on the cell company I was using. The phone I had for a while and actually worked, stopped working one day. The screen just gave up. They sent me a new phone, and transferred the minutes. I had to re-program the phone with numbers and such, but it actually had a camera on it and seemed like a good phone. Until it stopped working.

I called the company and they said to take out the battery and then put it back in and try the phone. It turned on. So far so good. It kept going off. I kept having to take out the battery and put it back in and turn it back on. The month turned over and I didn't get my monthly minutes, so I called them.

Strange calls started coming in when I got that new phone, too. I'd get these calls from a 503 area code all the time. I never could catch the caller, but the messages were all from some kind of sales or marketing outfit. I'd ask one to stop calling and another number would start. I reported them several times to the DoNotCall website, but they just rotated. I never had calls from these numbers before - only on this phone. I just ignored them as much as I could. They wasted minutes, though, which pissed me off.

One time, the phone was actually on because I was using it that morning, and I forgot to turn off the ringer, and it went off during class. Of course, it was that damned marketing company and by the time I actually answered it, they were gone.

Well, my last call to the cell company was a nightmare. The idiot on the phone kept me on the line for over an hour and I had to leave for the Dentist. I had an appointment, and I had to leave. He just kept saying I needed to stay on the line.

Finally, I just set the phone down and left. Screw him!

I came back, 4 hours later, and the phone was still live. He'd continued to have me holding all that time. What a creep! And I never heard back from them. They never sent me the phone replacement I requested, never a call back to see how things were going, nothing!

So, after another month of dealing with it, I charged the phone late last week. I unplugged the charger and set the phone on the table. The next morning, same thing - no signal, no nothing. The phone was turned off and would not turn on. I took out the battery, put it all in a box and sent it back to the company.

I enclosed a letter telling them to cancel the service. I'd either do without a phone or find another carrier.

This is why I NEVER give out my cell number. I can't keep a phone more than 6 months. Why bother? When someone needs to call, either they will get my answering machine or the cell. That's just the way it is. I forward my home phone to my cell when I'm out overnight.

Well, for a few days I'll be without a cell. No biggie. I've been without one before. I'm shopping the services. Who has roll-over minutes? How much is the service for what I need? What services are available for how much? Stuff like that.

I don't want ANY advertisers, I don't want junk text messages. I don't want to talk to anyone about who I want for President, or what I think about some political issue. Just leave me alone. I won't tell you anyway.

Do. Not. Call. My. Cellphone!

Online Hiring Agents and New College Degrees

I'm in college again. I'm getting my Bachelors and a Masters degrees. This should put me heads above the competition, right?

WRONG!

Those online hiring agents don't really care. They kick you offline if you answer a question truthfully but in a way that puts you in the denial pile. And if you don't answer truthfully, you are subject to being fired as soon as you are hired for lying.

So what to do?

I've decided to ignore them. If I want a position with a company or college, I'll submit transcripts and resume with a cover letter the old-fashioned way. If they want me to fill in one of the online screeners, they can kiss my A$$. I won't do it.

I'm an honest person. I won't lie just to pass a computer screening program. I tell the truth and let the chips fall where they will. When I was younger, I wasn't such a nice person, but I grew up and mended my ways. There is no way for the computer to make that distinction.

This is a great big hole in the way things are done now. A person with a "past" is screened out of opportunities. Even when they change and grow and become a better person because of it.

That is not progress, but denial of opportunities and discrimination.

Better from Dentures, but Not from Foods?

My teeth are fitting better, they don't slide around and there is little to no pain.

However, I'm back to my sleeping after I eat, spending the whole day snoozing instead of doing anything, and it happens every time I eat. I finally got sick of it and made an appointment with the doctor again. Last time I went in to discuss this, I was pretty much ignored, but I plan on putting together more "evidence" with a log, and a food diary to help the doc make some decisions and get the tests I need.

I'm pretty sure this is a combination of two things - food allergies and pre-diabetes. I think that the foods causing this are things I'm probably not supposed to eat (bet very prevalent in today's diets) and that my blood sugar is reacting to them. Things like white rice and pasta.

I cook the good stuff - whole grains and brown rice - when I cook from scratch, and I don't add HFCS to my scratch recipes. In fact I use no corn products at all, knowing I'm allergic to corn. But corn, white refined flour and white rice are used exclusively in the foodservice industry to make prepared foods and frozen meals.

So, if I take any shortcuts and use pre-packaged meals, I'm taking my life in my hands. That doesn't speak well for the foodservice industry. I don't believe they are trying to kill their customers, but the effect is the same.

I don't have epstein-barr, or chronic fatigue, but the results mimic it when I eat.

I can even eat really healthy and have the same results, right now. I eat my fruit and protein shake in the morning, and I have to nap within 60 minutes. Only 10 minutes, but still, I have to shut down. If I eat anything more heavy, and I could be out for two hours or more. Even eggs. And if I add hash browns to eggs, I'm out for a couple of hours.

Pancakes are a total disaster, with me being out for up to six hours. I stopped eating those about a year ago.

This is blood sugar insanity at it's finest! The scariest part, is that I might have to pull over when I'm driving if I've eaten the wrong food beforehand.

The world goes dizzy, I can't concentrate, then I'm OUT. I have very little warning. So, I tend to be hungry when I drive.

I have a long drive this coming Saturday morning, which will be a regular commute for me over the next three years. So, coffee and no food.

No wonder my weight is high - I can't eat breakfast and drive anyplace. Not and be safe. And breakfast is the most important meal of the day for your metabolism.

Well, I'll see what the doc says on April 18. Yeah, that's the earliest I could get in. It's like pulling teeth to get in right away. You have to be really sick.

Denture Adventures....

Well, anyone who's had a full set made and been forced to wear them or eat baby food for the rest of their lives knows what I'm talking about here. For the rest of you, read carefully - it could be you next so take care of your choppers!

I had the soft lining put in on Friday, yesterday. I am glad in one way, and unhappy in another. The pain is much less, so that is the good part. The bad part is the chemical contamination.

I've worked really hard to eliminate all chemical contaminants from my life. My body can't handle it. So now I have these pieces of plastic in my mouth that exude acrylate and other toxins while the soft lining cures. It's been 24 hours, and while much better, I still can't figure out what anything tastes like. Kind of a waste, when I still have to sip my food.

I am able to gently chew, but I have no control of the dentures, and as a result, I have no control over the food in my mouth. I almost choked yesterday afternoon. I learned very quickly to take extremely small nibbles.

I've been using the powder adhesive, but, let's face it, it barely works. So the lower denture moves about pretty freely. That contributes to lack of chewing prowess.

Another issue is the weight that the soft lining added to the denture. Not like poundage, but like thickness. One side of the lower became very ragged during the procedure, and tore at my tongue all night. I about tossed the thing in the garbage. Instead, I grabbed my Dremel this morning and smoothed it out. It's still thick, but it's not cutting me anymore.

I will say one thing, though. I don't sound like I'm talking around marbles anymore. I guess that's a good thing.

I go back in June for the hard lining, and I guess September for my Custom, permanent, denture. This is just the mouth training time, and it's pretty tough for an old bird like myself. I don't much like changes - especially changes in how my body works!

The upper has the teeth attached to it in a funny way - skewed to one side, so my jaw is probably not going to be able to adjust properly for the entire training period. At least I hope not. And if the custom denture has the same problem, I'll refuse it and have them make it again. And, it seems I'll be on a liquid diet for several months.

As for losing weight? Well, when you can't eat salads, it's tough. I have some green drinks I found for nutrition, but the sugars in juices contribute a lot to weight gain. Even broccoli has sugars in it. Pasta is soft enough to swallow whole, but not really good for me - white flour and sugar are my downfalls.

Oh well, it's a challenge, is all.

Swapped Teeth for Dentures

Yep, the teeth are gone. I'm wearing the "immediate denture" provided by the dentist. I still look a lot more like a chipmunk than myself, but the worst of the swelling has gone down. It's been a little less than 24 hours. My body is finally coming out of shock from the procedure.

Just to clarify - anytime I have any procedure, I go into shock. It isn't the doctor or dentist's fault. It's my body and it's reaction to modern medical techniques.

I've been drinking juice. Not just fruit juice, although it sure tastes like fruit! It is something called "Green Machine" by Naked. It's pretty good stuff! Tastes really wonderful, and it's jam-packed with all kinds of healthy vegetables. Because it's prepared and sold in stores, it has a couple of preservatives in it, but otherwise, it's completely natural. I knew I wouldn't be up to making my own juice for the first couple of days, so I purchased some.

I also knew I wouldn't be able to eat for a while, at least not solid foods, so I planned ahead. I got protein powders in, two healthy green juices and one that contains echinacea. I already had bananas, carrots, celery, kale, squash, oranges, grapefruits, and strawberries on hand. I think there's even a pack of cranberries in the freezer! I have a juicer, and that fabulous blender I picked up when my old one died, so I have lots of ways to get nutrition. And I always add B-12 to my smoothies so that my anemia is treated.

I watched a webinar about B-12 sources, and they said that cyanocobalamin is not as good for you as methylcobalamin, so I'll be switching over sources as I can. The only methylcobalamin source I have in-house is a chewable, and that's not possible right now. I understand that Swanson's sells the methlylcobalamin sources. I will be placing my order after I figure out the books this month.

When I feel up to it, I have that great stew I made in the fridge (I may freeze it so that it keeps).

So, all is well.

We had some wild weather over here last night, too. I may have lost my strawberry plants, and my little windchime gave up with those incredibly strong gusts of wind, but otherwise, no damage. Not even on the roof.

New Car!

I got a new car. It was something I needed to do, and wasn't sure it was the right thing to do. I almost had myself talked out of the deal, and then I thought about driving the Avalon for the next three years, hauling a trailer to and from school. It just made me crazy. It just doesn't have the space I need to carry everything to and from every week.

I found a really good car, a couple of years newer than my current, the monthly is the same, and the mileage is much better than it was when I bought my current car.

I got my '97 Toyota Avalon about five years ago. I just paid it off. It had 184K miles on it at the time, and 214K miles, now. I got a decent deal on it, but had to re-finance it to the monthly payments when I lost my job in 2010.

Well, this is a Subaru Outback Legacy, 118K miles, and it's a '99. I am adding my own cash to the deal, so the payments for three years will be the same as what I was paying on the Avalon. The CarFax is good, and even my banker said it was a good car. My mechanic recommended it to me. So, I'm reasonably certain that it will do me a good job over the next three years, while I'm in school, and paying on it. It has the space I need and all the bells and whistles work.

So, I got my dream car, kept the payment, but all is well. I'll sell my Avalon, get a bit back on what I've paid for it, and apply that to the loan. The interest rate is slightly better than what I was paying on the Avalon, but not much. I'll need to increase my income substantially to make that happen. And if I did that, I'd probably have gotten a much newer car and ended up with a larger payment!

It's Been a Week!

So much going on!

I was robbed in November. A lady I'd hired to do some cleaning took some jewelery. I didn't discover the theft until December, and then only partially. It was January before I realized how many pieces had been taken. I hemmed and hawed about it for about a week then called the police to report the theft.

A month goes by, and I finally got the police report from them to give to my insurance company. I called my agent, and he intimidated me so bad I nearly didn't file the claim. But I had to file the claim!

Another week went by and I finally called them. They were fast, efficient, and downgraded my loss by about $2375, so I have to absorb that much of it. To be honest, that includes my deductible, so the amount of actual loss not covered is about $1375.

So that was story number one. Story number two...

I ordered some cat furniture from a reputable supplier. It was almost $400 for the order, and included two cat trees and one scratching post. One of the trees was 80 inches tall, almost to the ceiling, which I figured would give the cats a wonderful view of the bird feeders and space away from each other.

The items were all shipped separately, from different points of origin. The first never arrived, but the second arrived on Feb 10. I got another e-mail, for the third shipment, and looked into the three shipments.

It turns out that the wonderful, tall cat tree was delivered to someone other than me, left by a front door, with no signature confirmation. The delivery company says they delivered it to me. I'm sure it doesn't help that I had several deliveries that week, and continue to receive items I've ordered - specialty cat products, books, online-only office supplies, and so on. So, they closed the inquiry, and are offended that I would even hint at a mis-delivery.

Too bad. Now, I have to do a chargeback against my vendor. I hate to do that, but the item was the most expensive of the three that I ordered. In fact, the one cat tree that I received was a purchase afterthought because the large cat tree was $100 less on sale!

So, I went to my bank and did the chargeback yesterday. I really hate to do that. I really do. It's a black mark against any merchant when that happens. And it wasn't her fault, but the shipper's. The only mistake she made was allowing the shipment to be made without requiring a signature confirmation.

So much for story number two. On to story number three...

My doctor wanted me to take some allergy medicine because of the drainage I experience every night. She prescribed Zyrtec. It's known to make folks drowsy, so I took a pill at night with my other meds on Wednesday.

I had a very fitful night's sleep, came stark raving awake at several points, and my body seemed to slow down. The next day, I was in a fog all day, and had to slap myself awake during my last class. The drive home was a nightmare!

When I got home, I slept. Nothing but. The phone was ringing off the hook, and I just couldn't talk to anyone. I couldn't get the phone to my ear fast enough. I ended up with six messages on the machine. Two were the insurance company, one from the shipper, and three from friends.

I ended up sleeping till about 8:30. I got up and called two friends back, and it was too late to call the third. I ended up staying awake till about 4:30am and then went to bed. I slept like a log till 10:30 when the alarm went off.

It was now Friday, and I had a lot to do. I went to the bank to do the chargeback, went to the court and did my little research job there, and then went to get tires on the car before the next rain hits. I've not had time for that since I had the money, and it was becoming desparate. I almost hydro-planed during the last rain on Thursday, when I was groggy.

I got home, and forget the diet, I wanted a hamburger! So, I got one of those when it was time to have supper.

Story number four...

During all this, as if my week wasn't full enough, I printed the last of the research I'd done for my book. I organized what had been printed and started printing at home, and finished the job at school. I'm now looking for space to work.

I think I'll clear off the perfectly-good work space I have that's an accumulation of stuff that doesn't belong to me and wasted money. There is a furnace filter that's the wrong size, an older laptop computer, and a collection of stuff that belongs to a friend that moved to CA over a year ago. He want's it shipped to him if he ever sends money. Meanwhile, it's taking up space in my house. If I can get the table cleared off, I'll have a great work space for school work, sewing and other purposes.

Story number five...

Well, there's this mess that's been accumulating around my chair. Things fall and I'm not paying attention, so the mess gets bigger and bigger. Last night, I'd had enough. The reason for the mass purge was that my cat Fluffy, who never pukes up hairballs or anything, got sick. All over the place, repeatedly, and nastily. I had to clean up after her.

She started on a pair of shoes that got tossed yesterday afternoon. She has diabetes, so this is kind of a serious turn for her. She continued into several rooms, and hit the paid bills, computer programs (boxed), office supplies, clothes, and of course, all the stuff sitting around my chair. It was bad enough that the pile was growing, but her getting sick on it was more than I could stand.

So, it's been a very full week. Lots of ins and outs, lots of stuff happening. So much for not getting anything done!

Those pills from the doctor? - not taking them anymore. Once was enough.

Tired of Being Tired

It seems I can't sleep. Then, when I get to sleep, I'm awake a couple of hours later and can't get back to sleep right away. It's broken sleep. When I wake, I have to use the bathroom - no buts about it, get there. Or, I'm in pain, and then to get back to sleep I have to get up and go to the bathroom, not just adjust. My bladder demands it. I generally awaken within 25 minutes of the alarm going off, and just get up early.

Last night, I started with Zyrtec for my allergies. Since it makes one drowsy, I'm taking it at night instead of the morning, so I won't have to drive while drowsy. I didn't have my typical night. I awakened several times - like "stark-raving-awake" but didn't have to go to the bathroom, wasn't in pain, and no reason that I could figure out that I was awake. I was on my side. My nose/sinuses were filled when I got up to the alarm, and draining was going on.

I was able to go back to sleep, it seems. I woke to the alarm from a deeper state of sleep, very sleepy and groggy. It took a full cup of coffee to get me going, and I was seeing double and yawning.

What happens is that I don't sleep at night, and somewhere in the afternoon, I drift off, unable to keep my eyes open, and sleep anywhere from 20 minutes to 5 hours in my chair. It usually occurs after eating carbs, so I've thought my diet was to blame, and insulin resistance. Now, I see that it also has to do with my terrible sleeping issues at night.

My doctor said she was going to schedule a sleep study, but it hasn't been scheduled, yet.

I feel like a failure when I can't get anything done, but with being this tired all the time, it's no wonder nothing gets done. No matter how much B-12 I take, I can't over come lack of sleep without actually sleeping.

Want to Publish Your Boook?

I purchased a block of ISBN numbers when I got mine because I thought I could use them. I can't - at least not right now.

So, I'm willing to publish for someone else. I will accept book-length submissions, word files, with illustrations or pictures, minimum 120 pages. I have a model with no pre-paid expenses, but your book must be ready to format into the book template. That means no editing, except for formatting into the template. If there are a lot of mis-spelled words or bad grammar, edit it again.

I hope to publish 2-3 works this year, so I'll be reading (skimming) for content, quality, and so on. Looking for women's issues in particular, women authors encouraged.

My terms? 20 years of rights, including screen/stage negotiation, print and electronic rights. I get paid a portion of the royalties, and you get the rest. There will be a real contract, but I don't intend to lock up your work for the rest of eternity. I figure that if your book doesn't walk or run in 20 years, it probably isn't going to grow legs.

If you change a work substantially, then the new version is yours, but I can still use the old version until the term is up.

Cover art is appreciated.

Marketing includes placement at Amazon and on shelves. You can purchase up to 10 books at cost. Other marketing is up to you.

If you are interested, post a comment with your e-mail address and I'll send you the mailing address.

Diet Disappointment

I've been pretty faithful to the caloric restrictions, done some walking and a little bit of exercise. I'm certainly not fanatic about it, and I'm not really dedicated to the exercise part of this. But I'm doing a lot more than I used to, so that's good.

As a result, the loss has been disappointing. Yes, some weight is coming off, but not near the two pounds a week I was hoping for. It seems to be up and down. I'll lose a little, gain it back, and so on. The long-term is in the right direction, but it's a lot slower than I anticipated.

I guess more exercise would be a good addition. More walks, more exercise sessions. I pulled out the Dancercize DVD, so I'm heading toward it. Do I expect to be able to do it the first time? No! I expect to learn some of the moves - maybe a few of them. But I don't expect to keep up with the video. That's down the road a bit, yet.

I've been taking the B-12 as suggested by the doctor. I take the sublingual in the morning and before meals, and the caplet with my meds.

I've heard of people following their diets with no results for up to two weeks, and then there's a large loss registered. I'm hoping that's part of what's happening. I hope it's just my metabolism figuring out that I'm serious, and learning that it will be fueled every couple of hours. It's kind of like a plateau. Eventually, the body has to use energy from somewhere and the weight comes off.

Well, school again today. Have to make my snack & lunch.

Theft Discovery...

I hired a lady to help me around the house in November. Actually, I'd hired her in October, and she came on Nov 7th. I did all the due diligence, checked references, and had an interview with her. She seemed the most qualified and most used to working under the conditions I have here. Occasional help for seniors.

Well, the month goes by, I'd been thinking about having the gal back, but hadn't called her yet.

About this time, I got my hair cut for a photo shoot so I could have a nice photo for the back of my book. You know how folks like to see a picture of the author on the back of the book, right? Well, the salon had some earrings in a case on sale, and I got a pair that would match a ring I had.

I got home and looked for the ring. It was no where to be found. I turned the place upside down, checked all my purses, all over my dresser, all the jewelery boxes. It just was not there.

Ok. So, I figured out right away what had happened, and was deciding if I needed to do anything or if God could take the ring. It was gaudy, and I hardly ever wore it. I was doing pretty well at blessing her and leaving the hurt and anger aside.

Well, Friday last week, I was thinking about some other rings. My pearl and my amethyst rings, in particular. The pearl ring was in pot metal, but the pearl itself was worth quite a lot. The amethyst was more sentimental than valuable. It marked my first year sober, and was a gift from my then-sponsor. So, I came home and looked for them. They were gone, too. And the wedding ring of my set - the engagement ring is still here.

So, now I feel violated and pretty angry. I tried for three hours to let God take the pain, humiliation, and feeling of violation away. The answer kept coming back to report the woman and press charges. So, I drove over to do that, yesterday, and because it was Sunday, they were closed.

I printed out the canceled check, and the response to the ad I'd placed with her phone number. I still have to call the police. Once they take the report, I can file a claim with the insurance company.

You know, one ring wasn't so bad. I could live with that, even if it was the heaviest in gold. It was from my mother, but I still have the garnet earrings. I wear earrings a lot more often than rings.

But she took all of the pieces. If she had stolen my drugs, I would have been angry and never given it another thought. But the rings were part of me. That pearl was the only thing I had left from my favorite ex-husband.

I'll never see the jewelery again. I'm sure it's been melted down and taken apart. The check was cashed in Middleboro, KY, so I'm sure she's long gone,too. It's just the formalities, now.

You just can't trust people, I guess.

Med Tests Kill Metabolism, Oatmeal Cookies

I spent half the day at the hospital yesterday, having a test done. It involved not drinking or eating from midnight the night before, so I was suitably dehydrated by morning. Consequently, it took 4 tries to get a vein and I felt like a pincushion. At least one vein was blown, so I'm pretty bruised up.

But the real issue is eating regularly. I need to eat breakfast to keep the momentum going in my metabolism. Not eating breakfast until noon really doesn't help anything. I feel really sluggish today, and I ended up eating too much yesterday, making up for the missing meals.

I had two large meals with no snacks, while I normally eat three reasonable meals and two snacks every day. That eating of two large meals just set me off on a tailspin. I had sugar cravings that were nearly impossible to resist.

I ended up making some low-sugar cookies with ground oatmeal for most of the flour. That was a good substitute, and satisfied my craving, but added too many calories because I had little self-control. Luckily, I didn't eat them all, so I have some for "correct usage" in my diet.

Low Sugar Oatmeal Cookie Recipe:
1 stick softened unsalted butter
1/2 cup sugar
1 1/2 Tablespoons dark molasses
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 egg
1/2 cup self-rising flour
1 cup oatmeal, sent through the coffee grinder
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup raisins, optional

Cream butter, molasses and sugar. Add vanilla and egg and mix well. Add the rest in 3 parts, incorporating well after each addition. Fold in raisins if you want them. Bake at 375 for 7-10 minutes. I used a teaspoon to make rounded mounds, and they didn't spread too much. Cool on racks and store covered. Makes about 2- to 2 1/2 dozen, depending on the size.

Real simple, real good, low sugar, and the oatmeal adds a nice dose of fiber.

I used self-rising flour because I got it by mistake and want to use it up. If you don't have that, add 1/2 teaspoon baking soda and 1/4 teaspoon baking powder, and increase the salt to 1/2 teaspoon.

A good thing that came out of the test yesterday, is that I have no blockages in my heart, so I can start exercising. I start with "Functional Fitness" for the rest of this week. I got the DVD some time ago, and used it. It adds basic flexibility for everyday movement. Not a lot of calorie burning, but it gets me off my butt. Several reps of each exercise will get me ready for the next step by Monday.

Second Liver Cleanse and Heart Health

I did the second liver cleanse just before Christmas. On Dec 29, I had a "heart episode" that brought me to the ER to be checked out. All seemed well, but I had a stress test today to be sure. The two may be related. I did really well on the liver cleanse! :)

The experience showed me just how bad my health is, and I became really dedicated to losing the extra weight I carry.

Because I haven't been allowed to exercise, I'm just doing calorie restriction right now. Not severe, but under 2000 calories a day is my hope. I eat 3 good meals and 2 snacks a day, which is LOTS of food. As long as portion control is in play and I eat stuff that's good for me, I should be OK. I have a food plan that is between 1400-1600 calories a day.

So far, I've lost about 3 pounds all together. Not an auspicious start, but something. Once I can move about and get some exercise, the weight should start to fall off.

My goal is to lose about 2 pounds a week. If I can sustain that level of weight loss over time, I'll hit my goal by Christmas - maybe even Thanksgiving!

I won't be posting the progress on a regular basis. I have too much psychological baggage around weight issues to be that transparent. However, there may be occasional posts.

So, all is well. There is no obvious damage to my heart. I can begin building flexibility after today. I will continue to restrict my calories, and build up to some cardio exercises.

Looking forward to it!

Today's Report...Lost Some!

Not near enough, but almost a pound gone overnight. Now, before you think I'm off my rocker, I've been tracking daily since this began. I don't report loss figures, but I'm tracking. I'm not allowed to exercise yet.

I added some stuff to my soup yesterday:
fruit shake in the morning (with protein powder as usual)
1/2 avocado
3 oz chicken in a ceasar salad. I had cheese on the salad and dressing (sure wish the dressing bottle had a squeeze-top!).
I did not have my apple, and I made but did not sample, some gelatin dessert.

I got up before 5am today and had 1/2 slice of home made bread with neufchatel cheese. I've had lots of coffee.

I'll go to work, come home & nap and be ready for this evening's activities.

Adding Soup and Fruit

I am adding soup to my daily diet. Not just the one I made the other day, either! I make minestrone a lot, and finding new soup ideas is always wonderful!

I tried to lose weight years ago, and the best answer for me was to add fruit to my diet. Yep, ADD fruit. Fruit takes away the sugar-cravings by giving me the sweet. And the fiber of whole fruit is good for me.

So, my first full day with cabbage soup included: a fruit smoothie for breakfast with coffee;, a bowl of soup for lunch. No bread, although I have a french bread in the fridge. I had another bowl of soup before I went to meeting, about 5pm. Supper (later, after meeting) was a 4 oz piece of meat followed by an apple with a little cheese. I could have skipped the cheese, but I generally have an apple with cheese as a snack.

As I was cooking my meat, I portioned out the rest of it, into 4 oz portions, uncooked. These cook down to about 3 oz, and that's plenty of protein for me.

Today, I've carried through with a fruit smoothie and coffee for breakfast.

I'll admit that I had a snack of chips yesterday afternoon. I gotta stop buying that garbage! But that's the last of what's in the house. I had real strong sugar cravings after meeting, but I didn't go to the store to get junk food. I also did not have any coffee at the meeting.

Cabbage Soup Time!

Weight Loss Cabbage Soup Recipe

1 head cabbage, cut into 8 parts
2 cans diced tomatoes, no salt added
1 6 oz can sliced mushrooms
1 head celery, cut into 1 inch pieces
4 carrots, scraped & cut into 1 inch pieces
½ large bell pepper, cut into 1 inch pieces
½ onion, cut into 1 inch dice
1 box chicken stock, no salt added, organic
1 6 oz can V-8 (low salt preferred)
1/4 cup dried parsley (diuretic)
1 tsp pepper flakes
1 tbsp rubbed thyme
¼ cup salt-free garlic and herb seasoning mix (like Mrs. Dash)
Water to cover

Put all the ingredients in a slow cooker for 4-6 hours, until the vegetables cook down. Take ½ the soup, one cup at a time, and put through a food processor or blender to add creaminess to the soup (optional).

Eat as much as you want, until the soup is gone. You can drop up to ten pounds if you don’t add bread or other carbs.

Time Limits!

I realized last night while I was on the phone, that I only have another 10 days or so for the book. I need to get OFF the internet and stay off it. But it's like I'm addicted or something. I really like reading e-mail, answering e-mail, forwarding articles to my friends, and staying informed on the issues that interest me (health, writing, cats).

And yesterday I filled out a scholarship application and wrote the essay for it. I even pulled out the old trusty manual typewriter to fill out the application, as they requested! Did you know that the @ symbol is not above the 2 on a typewriter? I forgot that and had to search the keys for it! I had to request some special people in my life to write letters of recommendation and get them to me by Jan 5th so I can have the scholarship application postmarked by January 6th, which is the deadline. I had a really short window, but I only found out about it yesterday, and it's a really good scholarship for me.

But I was talking to my sister, which was long overdue, and realized that my time on the book is getting pretty short.

I got overwhelmed by one of the submissions. A friend of over 40 years. I realized some stuff about my growing up that I didn't remember. Not nice, for sure! It reminded me of who I was all those years ago, all the stuff I'd forgotten, and from her point of view. She's a pretty incredible lady, to be sure, and I'm so very happy she put in her submission. But it triggered "stuff" for me. So, I took a couple of days off from the book. I need to write her a long letter, on paper, and mail it to her.

But first, back to the book, get it done, and to the publisher!

I hope to publish mid-January, so there you go!