Emotions...

Out of control, that's what I was...

I went to the funeral yesterday and got triggered. It's me, not them. Something inside me that I really need to look at deeply, got triggered. I'm not about to do the soul-searching here, but I'll do it.

Then, when I got home, the laptop had updated something and rebooted itself. Without my permission! It took 2 1/2 hours to get it running again! I was SO PISSED! I figured out how to stop it, but DAMN IT! I hate Windows! I lost I don't know how much data, important stuff that I needed to follow up on, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I called Toshiba and reamed out a poor phone person, who truly was not at fault. It's not her fault that XP does this shit. Thank GOD for TechRepublic! They had the fix right there, on the website, where anyone could see it. I did it - I turned off all automatic EVERYTHING!

I'm getting notices from McAfee to update, but I don't care. I only use that computer for work. I don't surf. I don't play. I don't do crap! Strictly work. Password controlled, access controlled, can't even bring up a browser without a password on the damn thing. Can't even access the desktop without a password.

But I blew a royal gasket. During my tirade, two unfortunate men came to the door. One, a hapless insurance inspector for my home insurance, and the other, a kind gentleman delivering a wonderful rocking chair for my housewarming. I just couldn't deal with any of it.

Later, one of my neighbors came by. She's a sweetie, really she is...

I unloaded on her, but nicely. I didn't yell at her or anything, but I did finally recount everything that had happened so that she would understand my craziness at the moment.

The part of me that got triggered has to do with relationships (no big surprise there!) and being single, unable to connect and stay connected. It's a real sore point for me. I want the love of my life - the marriage that lasts forever, and the relationship that seems karmic. I had it. We divorced in 1991. It still hurts. And I'm alone.

No wonder I repel men!