I know that I can't do anything right now, and there is nothing I can plan - It's all in HP's control. Today, I am where I am.
Might as well make the rest of the day as great as I can.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Hard night
I had a real hard night. I didn't sleep very well. I finally was so exhausted that I slept.
I'm not doing too well turning my health over to my HP.
I have to worry over things a bit before I will "give my precious to Frodo..."
And I'll still watch it from afar, just like Golum.
I'm not doing too well turning my health over to my HP.
I have to worry over things a bit before I will "give my precious to Frodo..."
And I'll still watch it from afar, just like Golum.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Cravings
I had a total craving last night and gave in to it.
Instead of my normal evening snack of fruit, I had to have some salt - Potato Chips filled the bill!
2 huge bowls of chips. Late.
Well, I've tossed the rest and I'm going out today to walk to undo some of the damage. I think it was partly a celebration of losing 7 pounds and partly because of the fear of my health issues.
I stick my head in the sand when it comes to my health. I've had to for so many years, due to the costs involved. If something doesn't straighten out in a certain time frame, it needs to be addressed. Otherwise, I just ignore it. After having back pain for 22 years, I deal with pain by ignoring it and working through it. Not the best strategy sometimes. Certainly not in this case, but again, I thought it was scar tissue. NOT!
Off to UT Gardens. Walk and click. Take pix for the new house and gardens....
Instead of my normal evening snack of fruit, I had to have some salt - Potato Chips filled the bill!
2 huge bowls of chips. Late.
Well, I've tossed the rest and I'm going out today to walk to undo some of the damage. I think it was partly a celebration of losing 7 pounds and partly because of the fear of my health issues.
I stick my head in the sand when it comes to my health. I've had to for so many years, due to the costs involved. If something doesn't straighten out in a certain time frame, it needs to be addressed. Otherwise, I just ignore it. After having back pain for 22 years, I deal with pain by ignoring it and working through it. Not the best strategy sometimes. Certainly not in this case, but again, I thought it was scar tissue. NOT!
Off to UT Gardens. Walk and click. Take pix for the new house and gardens....
Friday, May 29, 2009
Dr. Visit Results
Boy! I'm grateful!
This isn't in my head. She felt around my belly and the tender spots are still there. I'm so glad I went. The area over my liver is really tender. I don't have my gall bladder anymore, so it's something else.
She's very interested in the results of the battery of tests she's ordered. Allergy testing, too! That's to make sure I got them all when I did my screening. She ordered the Upper GI and the Colonoscopy. There are other tests too nasty to mention...
She wants me off some of the cholesterol meds for a little while. Just for now. Don't know if that's contributing to things.
It may be that the amount of rice I'm eating is what's holding me together. I'll try some roasted potatoes and see what happens.
I've lost 7 pounds! Not bad. It's a good start.
I ended up skipping another meal today. It was the morning snack. I forgot to grab it on the way out the door! Man oh Man!
Well, I got home, had lunch and then my afternoon snack. I'm all ready for supper and I have lots of fruit in the house for snacks.
I cooked some meat up and portioned it out. I have more meat (actually fish) defrosting for my morning meals tomorrow. I'll cook it tonight so that it's cold and goes well with the fruit for tomorrow.
I got to the market and picked up some cucumbers, more meat and veggies. Cucumbers are free foods, so I can eat those when I need to munch. I'm not hungry - it isn't that.
I have tea for sweet and cucumbers in vinegar for salt and crunch. The munchy foods I love. It's for watching TV and mindless eating.
Cherries are in. I can only have like 5-7 at a time, but I can have them... YUMM!
This isn't in my head. She felt around my belly and the tender spots are still there. I'm so glad I went. The area over my liver is really tender. I don't have my gall bladder anymore, so it's something else.
She's very interested in the results of the battery of tests she's ordered. Allergy testing, too! That's to make sure I got them all when I did my screening. She ordered the Upper GI and the Colonoscopy. There are other tests too nasty to mention...
She wants me off some of the cholesterol meds for a little while. Just for now. Don't know if that's contributing to things.
It may be that the amount of rice I'm eating is what's holding me together. I'll try some roasted potatoes and see what happens.
I've lost 7 pounds! Not bad. It's a good start.
I ended up skipping another meal today. It was the morning snack. I forgot to grab it on the way out the door! Man oh Man!
Well, I got home, had lunch and then my afternoon snack. I'm all ready for supper and I have lots of fruit in the house for snacks.
I cooked some meat up and portioned it out. I have more meat (actually fish) defrosting for my morning meals tomorrow. I'll cook it tonight so that it's cold and goes well with the fruit for tomorrow.
I got to the market and picked up some cucumbers, more meat and veggies. Cucumbers are free foods, so I can eat those when I need to munch. I'm not hungry - it isn't that.
I have tea for sweet and cucumbers in vinegar for salt and crunch. The munchy foods I love. It's for watching TV and mindless eating.
Cherries are in. I can only have like 5-7 at a time, but I can have them... YUMM!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Sick Again!
Man, oh man! When will this ever end???
I don't know what it was, but I was so sick again last night. Corn? There was some in one of my vegetable combos. Was it the veggie-burger? That was an emergency move, but not planned.
I've made an appt. with the Dr. to have an upper & lower GI series run. I don't know if that will tell us anything, but I can't keep on like this.
I'm back on the horse.
The food plan is good. If I don't skip meals, I'm not hungry. The hard thing is that I have times when I'm away from home. I need to plan outside meals - taking with or whatever, better.
The other hard thing is that I really hate to cook! Who knew? I thought I liked it all these years. I just like to bake!
I've begun cooking large quantities and going to my meal portions daily. I can freeze cooked meats as well as raw. I just find it too difficult and time consuming to cook a day's worth of food at a time. If I had to cook each meal, I wouldn't even eat!
So, if I cook a couple of days at a time, the pans get washed and actually put away before I have to use them again. I have all I need, otherwise.
I'm just happier doing a nuked meal 5-6 times a day than making dirty pans, getting spit at by the stove, and standing in that nasty little kitchen, each time I have to eat.
I don't know what it was, but I was so sick again last night. Corn? There was some in one of my vegetable combos. Was it the veggie-burger? That was an emergency move, but not planned.
I've made an appt. with the Dr. to have an upper & lower GI series run. I don't know if that will tell us anything, but I can't keep on like this.
I'm back on the horse.
The food plan is good. If I don't skip meals, I'm not hungry. The hard thing is that I have times when I'm away from home. I need to plan outside meals - taking with or whatever, better.
The other hard thing is that I really hate to cook! Who knew? I thought I liked it all these years. I just like to bake!
I've begun cooking large quantities and going to my meal portions daily. I can freeze cooked meats as well as raw. I just find it too difficult and time consuming to cook a day's worth of food at a time. If I had to cook each meal, I wouldn't even eat!
So, if I cook a couple of days at a time, the pans get washed and actually put away before I have to use them again. I have all I need, otherwise.
I'm just happier doing a nuked meal 5-6 times a day than making dirty pans, getting spit at by the stove, and standing in that nasty little kitchen, each time I have to eat.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Progress, not Perfection
Well, it's been 6 days on the program, and I think I finally got a system going!
I have to cook early in the day for the entire day and part of the next day. I do all my meats at one time. I do my carbs (rice or potatoes) in the afternoon/evening.
I do my fruit portions in the morning while I'm cooking the meats.
I then portion everything out into meals with the appropriate amounts of meat by weight and the measured amounts of carb or fruit. The only stand-out still is the veggies that are added to 2 of the meals. I can have up to 4 times the carbs by measure. I just grab a packet of meat/carb and toss in some veggies. Great if you got 'em! It looks like I need to go to the store or use my canned goods for a few days.
I logged on to the website for support, and set up my profile. No eating out, and no, I'm not having a problem with hunger. I did at first, because I wasn't eating enough. I was only eating 1 ounce of meat, so I was really hungry.
I went out and purchased a great portion control scale! 32 ounce capacity, marked by 1/4 ounce. A broad, flat plate for a measuring surface. I love it!
The worst part is getting meals mixed up. I need to set the fridge up so I have morning, mid-day and evening meals all in stacks. I did my evening snack instead of my evening big meal tonight. OOPS! Well, I added the protein and then did a carb instead of fruit for my late snack. It worked out, but the order wasn't right.
Maybe tomorrow....
I reviewed the budget today, too. I upped the food budget and cut back in another place. I'd noticed that I was over-budget for 2 of the last 3 months, so I needed to figure it out. Glad I did that, so I won't be upset with myself by going over budget.
With prices going up, and eating real food instead of short-cut foods, it costs a bit more. I won't be eating out as much, though. Why spend nearly $15 for a meal out that I can't eat? So, maybe I'll drink tea or something to be sociable.
I still have to figure out free veggies for those occasional hunger pangs. Jicama, or something. I'm not hungry most of the time, at least.
Weight loss? Not really paying much attention yet. More interested in learning compliance to the program, first. Then, I'm sure it will come off.
I have to cook early in the day for the entire day and part of the next day. I do all my meats at one time. I do my carbs (rice or potatoes) in the afternoon/evening.
I do my fruit portions in the morning while I'm cooking the meats.
I then portion everything out into meals with the appropriate amounts of meat by weight and the measured amounts of carb or fruit. The only stand-out still is the veggies that are added to 2 of the meals. I can have up to 4 times the carbs by measure. I just grab a packet of meat/carb and toss in some veggies. Great if you got 'em! It looks like I need to go to the store or use my canned goods for a few days.
I logged on to the website for support, and set up my profile. No eating out, and no, I'm not having a problem with hunger. I did at first, because I wasn't eating enough. I was only eating 1 ounce of meat, so I was really hungry.
I went out and purchased a great portion control scale! 32 ounce capacity, marked by 1/4 ounce. A broad, flat plate for a measuring surface. I love it!
The worst part is getting meals mixed up. I need to set the fridge up so I have morning, mid-day and evening meals all in stacks. I did my evening snack instead of my evening big meal tonight. OOPS! Well, I added the protein and then did a carb instead of fruit for my late snack. It worked out, but the order wasn't right.
Maybe tomorrow....
I reviewed the budget today, too. I upped the food budget and cut back in another place. I'd noticed that I was over-budget for 2 of the last 3 months, so I needed to figure it out. Glad I did that, so I won't be upset with myself by going over budget.
With prices going up, and eating real food instead of short-cut foods, it costs a bit more. I won't be eating out as much, though. Why spend nearly $15 for a meal out that I can't eat? So, maybe I'll drink tea or something to be sociable.
I still have to figure out free veggies for those occasional hunger pangs. Jicama, or something. I'm not hungry most of the time, at least.
Weight loss? Not really paying much attention yet. More interested in learning compliance to the program, first. Then, I'm sure it will come off.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Sponsorship - Part Deux
Sponsorship is a part of life.
We have folks to show us the ropes. They guide us as we change our behaviors and our thinking follows suit. In business, we call them mentors.
It's so easy to get bogged down in "what is right" or making decisions that have nothing to do with recovery.
It's so easy to stay in the drama and sickness.
It's so easy to get lost in the business of life instead of living it.
It's so easy to put other things as priority and lose sight of our recovery.
A strong sponsor, one who knows our stuff and has been through their own, is a great guide. Their perspective helps to keep us on track. They can point out our mis-steps.
We have to be open to it. We have to know that our Sponsor has nothing to gain by being with us except their own recovery. You see, by being a sponsor, the sponsor gets to focus on recovery as it applies to another - often highlighting little areas in themselves that they hadn't noticed before. It's truly amazing what happens as a sponsor! I love the journey.
My sponsors - all of them, have their purpose in my life. I have one main lady, a second person who mastered a part of her life that I had to address and now a food sponsor who is addressing what she went through successfully - with me as her new sponsee.
The many 12-step programs are amazing! There is always someone in the program who has been through what you are going through. That person can lead you or guide you through it, so that you don't fall over or mis-step. They can re-assure you that you can (and will) come out the other side in one piece, better and stronger than you were going in to it.
I strongly suggest it for anyone. In program or out, Sponsors are good friends and real people to have in your life to make your life better. Open yourself to the trust. Open yourself to the unknown. Open yourself to the intimacy. Allow it. Encourage it. Embrace it. Grow!
We have folks to show us the ropes. They guide us as we change our behaviors and our thinking follows suit. In business, we call them mentors.
It's so easy to get bogged down in "what is right" or making decisions that have nothing to do with recovery.
It's so easy to stay in the drama and sickness.
It's so easy to get lost in the business of life instead of living it.
It's so easy to put other things as priority and lose sight of our recovery.
A strong sponsor, one who knows our stuff and has been through their own, is a great guide. Their perspective helps to keep us on track. They can point out our mis-steps.
We have to be open to it. We have to know that our Sponsor has nothing to gain by being with us except their own recovery. You see, by being a sponsor, the sponsor gets to focus on recovery as it applies to another - often highlighting little areas in themselves that they hadn't noticed before. It's truly amazing what happens as a sponsor! I love the journey.
My sponsors - all of them, have their purpose in my life. I have one main lady, a second person who mastered a part of her life that I had to address and now a food sponsor who is addressing what she went through successfully - with me as her new sponsee.
The many 12-step programs are amazing! There is always someone in the program who has been through what you are going through. That person can lead you or guide you through it, so that you don't fall over or mis-step. They can re-assure you that you can (and will) come out the other side in one piece, better and stronger than you were going in to it.
I strongly suggest it for anyone. In program or out, Sponsors are good friends and real people to have in your life to make your life better. Open yourself to the trust. Open yourself to the unknown. Open yourself to the intimacy. Allow it. Encourage it. Embrace it. Grow!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Sponsorship
I saw my general 12-step sponsor yesterday. She is so great!
We talked for about an hour, on all kinds of stuff that is making my head spin, so that maybe it will stop spinning.
She showed me her garden, and we shared family news.
In the absence of my food-sponsor's responses, we talked about the issues and insights I've had so far in that part of my recovery.
See, recovery is a way of life, not just putting a plug in the jug, or tossing the pills and pot. It's not just abstaining from the behaviors that show our sickness - they are the symptoms of the deeper disturbance in our thinking.
Keeping close with a sponsor is so important. I see mine at least once a week in a meeting, and I try to call at least once a week. I'm not big on phones, and she hasn't trusted me with her e-mail address - probably not sure of my spam settings. I rarely forward mail, but there is that occasional fun bit that comes that I'll send on.
Anyway, so we actually talk - on the phone or face to face.
My food sponsor is likely busy with grandkids or work, so I know she'll get back to me when she can. Meanwhile, I just follow the food plan and write stuff down.
If my sponsor hadn't been there when I hit a bottom at 12 years of recovery, I don't know what would have happened. I was a complete and total mess. She guides me in choices when I ask before I leap. I think I'll ask her if she would visit me in this location or that location when I go searching for home lots.
I have a dream for my new home, and she's part of it. Might as well include her from the start...
We talked for about an hour, on all kinds of stuff that is making my head spin, so that maybe it will stop spinning.
She showed me her garden, and we shared family news.
In the absence of my food-sponsor's responses, we talked about the issues and insights I've had so far in that part of my recovery.
See, recovery is a way of life, not just putting a plug in the jug, or tossing the pills and pot. It's not just abstaining from the behaviors that show our sickness - they are the symptoms of the deeper disturbance in our thinking.
Keeping close with a sponsor is so important. I see mine at least once a week in a meeting, and I try to call at least once a week. I'm not big on phones, and she hasn't trusted me with her e-mail address - probably not sure of my spam settings. I rarely forward mail, but there is that occasional fun bit that comes that I'll send on.
Anyway, so we actually talk - on the phone or face to face.
My food sponsor is likely busy with grandkids or work, so I know she'll get back to me when she can. Meanwhile, I just follow the food plan and write stuff down.
If my sponsor hadn't been there when I hit a bottom at 12 years of recovery, I don't know what would have happened. I was a complete and total mess. She guides me in choices when I ask before I leap. I think I'll ask her if she would visit me in this location or that location when I go searching for home lots.
I have a dream for my new home, and she's part of it. Might as well include her from the start...
Step 2 & 3 - Review
I've been thinking about Step 2 again...
"Came to Believe that a Power greater than myself could restore me to sanity."
The part that I have the most difficulty with is believing that the power greater than myself could restore my sanity. I often feel that my sanity cannot be restored.
So the "came to beleive" part becomes important. I have no difficulty in believing in a higher power. That was never my difficulty. I had to stop playing God and learn my relationship to the universe: learn my place, if you will.
So it is not that I don't have faith in a higher power, but that that higher power has control over whatever it is that is making me crazy at the moment.
I have to allow the higher power to step in. That is hard for me.
It took me forever to give my HP the money issues I had. And once I did turn that over (Step 3) I was able to save and pay down my debt.
I don't know if I'll ever get there with relationships.
For now, I'm working on food and my weight. I have to allow God to direct me to smart food choices and listen to the nudges in my conscience regarding exercise.
The more I study the Bible and learn about the God of my understanding, the more I am amazed at how fickle human faith really is. We, as a species, continually try to manipulate the lives of others and our environment; instead of allowing God to step in and give us a miracle - Allowing God to deliver on his promises. We don't have that faith. It's a sad state of affairs.
I'm no better than the examples in the Bible - but I try to get out of the way and allow God to work.
"Came to Believe that a Power greater than myself could restore me to sanity."
The part that I have the most difficulty with is believing that the power greater than myself could restore my sanity. I often feel that my sanity cannot be restored.
So the "came to beleive" part becomes important. I have no difficulty in believing in a higher power. That was never my difficulty. I had to stop playing God and learn my relationship to the universe: learn my place, if you will.
So it is not that I don't have faith in a higher power, but that that higher power has control over whatever it is that is making me crazy at the moment.
I have to allow the higher power to step in. That is hard for me.
It took me forever to give my HP the money issues I had. And once I did turn that over (Step 3) I was able to save and pay down my debt.
I don't know if I'll ever get there with relationships.
For now, I'm working on food and my weight. I have to allow God to direct me to smart food choices and listen to the nudges in my conscience regarding exercise.
The more I study the Bible and learn about the God of my understanding, the more I am amazed at how fickle human faith really is. We, as a species, continually try to manipulate the lives of others and our environment; instead of allowing God to step in and give us a miracle - Allowing God to deliver on his promises. We don't have that faith. It's a sad state of affairs.
I'm no better than the examples in the Bible - but I try to get out of the way and allow God to work.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Step 4 - Take inventory
This step I'll partly do here - the food part.
The emotional part will not be included here...
That part will be with a friend's guidance and I'll be keeping that part private. Any insights I find, I'll gladly post. But the deep inventory parts I'll keep private. They don't need to be broadcast.
The emotional part will not be included here...
That part will be with a friend's guidance and I'll be keeping that part private. Any insights I find, I'll gladly post. But the deep inventory parts I'll keep private. They don't need to be broadcast.
Step 3 - Made a Decision
Step 3 says we made a decision to put our will and our lives into the care of a power greater than ourselves.
It doesn't matter what/who that power is. What matters is that we make the decision to do it.
"Acting as if..."
It helps to "act as if" I am sane again. I have to believe that there is something greater than me who is helping me to act rationally around food and my emotions. I have to believe that I can do the next right thing. I have to have faith.
"Acting" is not something I can do in my head. "Acting" is an outward directed behavior. It means that my actions show sanity - even if I don't feel very sane inside. I have to put my will - my desire to act - in the power of something greater than myself.
For me, my higher power is the 6-Week Body Makeover plan for now. The mechanics may change, the name of the program may change - but this program has a guarantee that if you do it, you will see results. I will give that a try.
I also have a more spiritual higher power. That will become apparent later as I work on the emotional component to my weight issue.
----------
I recently went through another program - not 12-step based, but very thorough. It was the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University. 7-Steps to financial peace. I'm still at Step 2, paying off the debt, but that is normal. I'm almost through it. And I have some financial peace, too! I've tried a lot of financial plans and this one worked. Anyway, the guarantee that Dave Ramsey gives is really simple: Do the program and things will change; don't do the program and things won't change. No money-back. Just that.
The 6-Week plan has a similar guarantee, but they *will* give you money back after 6 weeks.
You throw out half the materials in the first few days when you set up the book. It's so personalized, that you toss out the stuff you don't need. What's left to return?
----------
So, I'll give it the 6 weeks, and apply my "food allergies" to it. I'm putting my faith in a program that works for others.
I don't "know" that it will work for me, but I'm willing to give it a try. I've been watching this item for a while - it is a reasonable plan to me.
On to Step 4.
It doesn't matter what/who that power is. What matters is that we make the decision to do it.
"Acting as if..."
It helps to "act as if" I am sane again. I have to believe that there is something greater than me who is helping me to act rationally around food and my emotions. I have to believe that I can do the next right thing. I have to have faith.
"Acting" is not something I can do in my head. "Acting" is an outward directed behavior. It means that my actions show sanity - even if I don't feel very sane inside. I have to put my will - my desire to act - in the power of something greater than myself.
For me, my higher power is the 6-Week Body Makeover plan for now. The mechanics may change, the name of the program may change - but this program has a guarantee that if you do it, you will see results. I will give that a try.
I also have a more spiritual higher power. That will become apparent later as I work on the emotional component to my weight issue.
----------
I recently went through another program - not 12-step based, but very thorough. It was the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University. 7-Steps to financial peace. I'm still at Step 2, paying off the debt, but that is normal. I'm almost through it. And I have some financial peace, too! I've tried a lot of financial plans and this one worked. Anyway, the guarantee that Dave Ramsey gives is really simple: Do the program and things will change; don't do the program and things won't change. No money-back. Just that.
The 6-Week plan has a similar guarantee, but they *will* give you money back after 6 weeks.
You throw out half the materials in the first few days when you set up the book. It's so personalized, that you toss out the stuff you don't need. What's left to return?
----------
So, I'll give it the 6 weeks, and apply my "food allergies" to it. I'm putting my faith in a program that works for others.
I don't "know" that it will work for me, but I'm willing to give it a try. I've been watching this item for a while - it is a reasonable plan to me.
On to Step 4.
Step 2 - Ask God for Help
Step 2 is to ask for Sanity from the power of the universe. God, Yahweh, Allah, Universal Intelligence - WHATEVER!!!
Ask for help...
The step reads that we humbly ask God to restore us to sanity. That implies that we had some sanity somewhere along the way.
It also means that we can't demand sanity. It's a humble request.
Then, there's this whole question of a power greater than myself. I almost forgot how hard that is for the newcomer to the 12-step model. I'm so used to it, that it is easy for me to just bypass this part.
Some folks have no faith, or they have lost their faith, or they blame God or the Universe for their plight. Get off that right now! We take the action - we eat the food. God didn't stuff it down my throat. I put it there, chewed and swallowed.
God didn't make me ignore the feeling of fullness - I did that and gradually stopped recognizing it. I hardly ever get hungry anymore, too. I don't recognize the feeling when it does happen.
Well, lately I do, but I haven't for a very long time.
So, You have to believe in something greater than yourself so you can ask it to help you. You have to ask for faith. It works.
On to Step 3
Ask for help...
The step reads that we humbly ask God to restore us to sanity. That implies that we had some sanity somewhere along the way.
It also means that we can't demand sanity. It's a humble request.
Then, there's this whole question of a power greater than myself. I almost forgot how hard that is for the newcomer to the 12-step model. I'm so used to it, that it is easy for me to just bypass this part.
Some folks have no faith, or they have lost their faith, or they blame God or the Universe for their plight. Get off that right now! We take the action - we eat the food. God didn't stuff it down my throat. I put it there, chewed and swallowed.
God didn't make me ignore the feeling of fullness - I did that and gradually stopped recognizing it. I hardly ever get hungry anymore, too. I don't recognize the feeling when it does happen.
Well, lately I do, but I haven't for a very long time.
So, You have to believe in something greater than yourself so you can ask it to help you. You have to ask for faith. It works.
On to Step 3
Step 1 - Surrender
Last Wednesday, it was very clear to me that I eat over emotional issues. I was having a bad day at work and went to a store for candy and potato chips. As bad as my stomach has been, I just had to do that. It was clear that I was not thinking right.
I have a 12-step program background. I'll be using those to address the emotional/spiritual components of my weight issue.
If you are reading this and need to do this, I hope you will follow me - and maybe even try it yourself.
So, Last Wednesday was Step 1 - Surrender
I can't do this anymore and I have a problem.
I'm powerless over my emotions and eat because of them.
Why spend money on empty calories when I have a full larder?
Those empty calories affect my blood sugar, making it spike and putting me out for a couple of hours in a comatose-like nap. I was out for over 3 hours and had trouble waking up. That was a first. I usually wake up fine.
---------
No, I don't have diabetes, but I'm Metabolic Syndrome-X. That means that food affects me more than others. I produce an extra level of insulin because I'm insulin resistant.
You can get a blood test for this. A1-C levels tell you if you are diabetic - that's like a history of your blood sugar that they find in your blood. I don't know how it works, but that's what the doctors tell me.
My blood sugar readings are borderline-high in the morning, and low the rest of the day - sometimes really low.
----------
Ok, so I'm powerless and my life is unmanagable regarding food.
What to do about it? Ask for help...
Step 2.
I have a 12-step program background. I'll be using those to address the emotional/spiritual components of my weight issue.
If you are reading this and need to do this, I hope you will follow me - and maybe even try it yourself.
So, Last Wednesday was Step 1 - Surrender
I can't do this anymore and I have a problem.
I'm powerless over my emotions and eat because of them.
Why spend money on empty calories when I have a full larder?
Those empty calories affect my blood sugar, making it spike and putting me out for a couple of hours in a comatose-like nap. I was out for over 3 hours and had trouble waking up. That was a first. I usually wake up fine.
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No, I don't have diabetes, but I'm Metabolic Syndrome-X. That means that food affects me more than others. I produce an extra level of insulin because I'm insulin resistant.
You can get a blood test for this. A1-C levels tell you if you are diabetic - that's like a history of your blood sugar that they find in your blood. I don't know how it works, but that's what the doctors tell me.
My blood sugar readings are borderline-high in the morning, and low the rest of the day - sometimes really low.
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Ok, so I'm powerless and my life is unmanagable regarding food.
What to do about it? Ask for help...
Step 2.
Well, here goes...
I've been having a lot of food issues lately. This will seem a little strange for those unaffected, but for me, it's been hell.
I got sick about 5-6 weeks ago. It was a single cramp in my intestines in the middle of the night that started it. I had diarrhea, fever and sensitivity to almost everything for about a week. I thought I had food poisoning, but no; it was something going around in the community.
That passed, and I suddenly had no food in the house to eat! Everything made me sick again. It seems that this "illness" triggered a larger issue in my body.
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I am seriously overweight and have high blood pressure. Pasta and med-high carb meals put me to sleep while my blood sugar spikes.
I've had some of these problems for a while, and I've tried unsuccessfully to deal with them. I can't walk very far, of course. My poor legs are stressed if I do too much. I don't smoke - haven't for over 2 years.
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I've been doing a lot of food testing, and it seems that my sensitivity to milk blossomed into a complete intolerance for any cow-milk products, including cheese, yogurt, cottage cheese, and ice cream. I can still use butter, but not much of it.
Mayonnaise is no longer OK. Try going to the local burger joint or sub-sandwich place! Restaurants are a joke! No Eggs. Eggs! Who would have thought they could be a problem.
I also can no longer tolerate strongly-spiced foods.
I use stevia-based or saccharine-based sweeteners, no sugar or high-fructose-corn-syrup. I can't tolerate sodas (Coke, Pepsi, 7-Up, and so on).
Spagetti and Pesto preparations are a dream of past delights. No white bread can pass my lips. I can't even have Hummus any more....
(sigh)
Well, I'll be blogging about things here...
The BRAT diet is my first-line defense when my tummy starts up...
Bananas, Rice, Applesauce, Tea
I add consume', chicken broth, oatmeal (always good for heartburn), and some light soy sauce to flavor the rice.
I've been living on applesauce, oatmeal, rice, meat, fruit (grapes, cantaloupe, bananas), ramen soup - surprizing!, and green vegetables.
-----
I'm starting a new diet/lifestyle program tomorrow. I purchased the 6-week-body makeover plan. It has a food plan and a fitness component. They say to start on a Monday, and tomorrow is Monday.
My target is over 100 pounds. At 2 pounds a week, that can take over a year. OK, fine. It needs to be done. I have emotional components to why I got this heavy as well as lifestyle components.
I have friends to see me through, and yes, I have photos of "before" to remind me of where I started. I will NOT be posting them - I'm not dressed. Thank God for digital cameras. I can take pix of me in the all-together and no one ever sees them but my computer.
So, this little part of my Blog will be for me to write my feelings and emotional issues, to be accountable to the world, and just to keep track. I don't write in a journal much anymore. When I do, it's been 6 months since the last time. But, I'm on the internet every day. I hope this will be a little bit of tracking for me. I hope that I will be able to write the feelings out and not eat over them.
I got sick about 5-6 weeks ago. It was a single cramp in my intestines in the middle of the night that started it. I had diarrhea, fever and sensitivity to almost everything for about a week. I thought I had food poisoning, but no; it was something going around in the community.
That passed, and I suddenly had no food in the house to eat! Everything made me sick again. It seems that this "illness" triggered a larger issue in my body.
---------
I am seriously overweight and have high blood pressure. Pasta and med-high carb meals put me to sleep while my blood sugar spikes.
I've had some of these problems for a while, and I've tried unsuccessfully to deal with them. I can't walk very far, of course. My poor legs are stressed if I do too much. I don't smoke - haven't for over 2 years.
---------
I've been doing a lot of food testing, and it seems that my sensitivity to milk blossomed into a complete intolerance for any cow-milk products, including cheese, yogurt, cottage cheese, and ice cream. I can still use butter, but not much of it.
Mayonnaise is no longer OK. Try going to the local burger joint or sub-sandwich place! Restaurants are a joke! No Eggs. Eggs! Who would have thought they could be a problem.
I also can no longer tolerate strongly-spiced foods.
I use stevia-based or saccharine-based sweeteners, no sugar or high-fructose-corn-syrup. I can't tolerate sodas (Coke, Pepsi, 7-Up, and so on).
Spagetti and Pesto preparations are a dream of past delights. No white bread can pass my lips. I can't even have Hummus any more....
(sigh)
Well, I'll be blogging about things here...
The BRAT diet is my first-line defense when my tummy starts up...
Bananas, Rice, Applesauce, Tea
I add consume', chicken broth, oatmeal (always good for heartburn), and some light soy sauce to flavor the rice.
I've been living on applesauce, oatmeal, rice, meat, fruit (grapes, cantaloupe, bananas), ramen soup - surprizing!, and green vegetables.
-----
I'm starting a new diet/lifestyle program tomorrow. I purchased the 6-week-body makeover plan. It has a food plan and a fitness component. They say to start on a Monday, and tomorrow is Monday.
My target is over 100 pounds. At 2 pounds a week, that can take over a year. OK, fine. It needs to be done. I have emotional components to why I got this heavy as well as lifestyle components.
I have friends to see me through, and yes, I have photos of "before" to remind me of where I started. I will NOT be posting them - I'm not dressed. Thank God for digital cameras. I can take pix of me in the all-together and no one ever sees them but my computer.
So, this little part of my Blog will be for me to write my feelings and emotional issues, to be accountable to the world, and just to keep track. I don't write in a journal much anymore. When I do, it's been 6 months since the last time. But, I'm on the internet every day. I hope this will be a little bit of tracking for me. I hope that I will be able to write the feelings out and not eat over them.
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