Moved and Not Settled

I moved about 6 weeks ago, right after I got back from the Reno IWC Conference. I loved the conference, and knew I was moving right after I got back. So, life has been unsettled since then.

The first apartment I moved into was unacceptable. I moved to another apartment in the same complex, on the other end, and it's better. They just fixed the leak above the bathroom - today, so NOW I can finally get the bathroom cleaned up and set it up so I can function. NOW, I can finally get unpacked and get things set up in the kitchen (boxes are intermixed).

This has been 6 weeks of chaos. I don't like chaos. I didn't know I don't like chaos. I knew I liked organization, but I didn't know how much I don't like chaos.

When I was younger, I loved chaos and drama. I don't have the energy or time for it anymore, I guess. I like order, organization and cleanliness. I don't like insects, or disorganization.

I don't have storage in the new apartment. I have to make storage and cull my belongings so that things will fit. That means that some lovely items will be sent to charity or sold at a yard sale. I'm not sure how I want to handle things yet.

With school, I don't really have time to hold a yard sale. It would be nice to recoup a few pennies on the dollar, but it will be much simpler to just give stuff away. And the tax deduction at the turn of the year will help, too.

So, my cats are at the apartment, and I'm halfway there. I spend a few nights a week a the apartment on campus and the rest of the time with them. I still have to come back here for internet. I don't plan on internet at the apartment till at least June.

So, that's why I've been MIA. Back, at least a little bit, now.

I've been having trouble with my emotions lately. I'm flying off the handle at things. Maybe I need more "centering activities" in my life. Maybe I need a better diet, more sleep, or less stress. I don't really know if maybe it isn't all of these things.

My cats are living close by, in an apartment that is not habitable. There is a roof, floor, walls and windows. The doors lock and there are lights and water/sewer. However, there are also more roaches than I can handle. They are even in the fridge. As I finally got the fridge to work in the freezer part, I suspect that the seal on the fridge part is bad. The fridge isn't cool, and that's where the roaches are. I can't live in it.

There are other things that make the apartment objectionable, too. The floor is a bit too wavy and there aren't enough electric outlets. I can live with both of these if the roaches were not present.

The landlord is being very nice and giving me the option of two other apartments, or moving out. So, he's being very understanding. I'm sure he didn't have any idea that the roaches were this bad. I know other tenants in the building don't have roaches at all.

Until I see the other apartments (later today) and make up my mind, and time passes so I can actually move in, nothing will change. I'll be in this half-life of caring for the cats, sometimes sleeping on an air mattress to be with them at night, and all the time having a backache. Of course, I'm not sleeping well. Of course, my time is thin and my studies are suffering.

This move came on the heels of an amazing trip to Reno for the IWC. I haven't even talked about that because it was overshadowed so suddenly by this apartment issue.

Oh well, at least it's only a couple miles to see the kitties instead of 110 miles. At the price of gas, that's a good thing.

Going Offline Now....

Going offline now for a few days while I actually make the move. Unavailable by phone, e-mail or chat for a few days. I'll have my cell, but I don't know the number. I've programmed a few numbers in it, so I'll be able to get hold of folks.

Last of the packing is pretty much done. Time to dismantle the computer.

Have a good few days...

Whew!!!

I'm nearing the end of crazy packing. Crazy packing is when you pack stuff you probably need to use in the next week, but you can't be sure, but you know it needs to move so you pack it anyway....

And then, there is the stuff you KNOW you will need and need to hold it out till the Very-Last-Minute - and My, Oh My - ALL THIS STUFF needs to be packed at the last minute!

So, It's kind of crazy right now. I've been through the piles of stuff, know whats there, and now just need to be sure I have enough boxes to make it.

I emptied out the car into the house, so now I have room for stuff and people in the car! What a joy that is... I'll be able to move the cats, because now there is enough room for the carriers in the car! Not to mention the litter boxes, food and so on...

On the lighter side, I got to shop for the house yesterday...

I got the mail box post, house numbers, and the trash can. Very important stuff, and I can't move without having them...

I got the shower rods and shower curtains, curtain rods for all 6 of the big windows, the fire extinguisher, and some towels for the bathroom that will be "public" and needs nice towels...

It was a nice break from the packing craziness.

I still need a lot more "stuff" but this is a good start. I looked at the curtains, but didn't have enough $$ to get them at that moment. I've budgeted about $100/month for the house, and it will go for curtains right off. I have 2 blinds, one each for the bedroom and office. That will have to do for now.

I didn't blog at the time of the Dedication, on Sept 23. It was wonderful. I guess I posted it elsewhere, so didn't put it here, too.

Gouffon Moving is coming at 8am on Monday, October 5. The computers have to be offline and packed into the car before that, so I'll probably move the cats on Oct 4, and take the computers offline the same day.

Recharged - Sort of NOT!

I've done a lot of resting, and even forgot to eat most of yesterday. I keep falling asleep at the oddest times!

I packed another 6 boxes last night, after I took my bedtime meds. I ate a couple pieces of chicken when I realized I hadn't eaten all day and now was attempting to do some physical work. Amazing how I can forget to eat and still be this heavy...

Anyway, the pain in my side I've decided must be a hernia or something. The Colonoscopy didn't find anything wrong on the inside, so I'll just have to learn to live with it. I leaned in the car a couple of days ago, and it's been hurting ever since.

I cleared up the stuff in my desks last night. I organized and cleared clutter. I'm at the point of packing the most urgent items - the current bills, stamps, and so on. Most of the office supplies are packed, and all the disks and CDs.

I packed a bit more on the bookshelves - stuff I hadn't figured out how to pack before. I still don't know that it's going the right way, but the stuff is in boxes, and that's the most important thing.

I'm not sure how I want to handle the food - the flours, teas and stuff on the top shelf. It needs to be packed, but I don't want to give the mice or roaches something to eat, so maybe a plastic bin or 2? I'll have to get more of them. Maybe I should toss the flours? I haven't been able to bake for over a year. That means that all the flours, except the soy flour that I store in the fridge, is pretty old and maybe already feeding little critters.

I also need to get the attic cleared out and get rid of some items that I no longer want/need. A thrift store trip is in my future. Man! I'm so tired and the car is so messy already.

Oh yeah! That's another thing. The left headlight had to be replaced last month, now the right one is out. That's something for today that I can't put off. I put new belts, new front tires, fixed the trunk lock and the left headlight. The car still needs an oil change and front brake pads. My funds are limited right now, though, so maybe later this month?

When I get back from my "stuff" today, I'm napping! I'll get the headlight fixed, go to a meeting, and then come home - clear out the inbox, and naptime! My favorite time of day!

***

One nice thing - the fleas have given up the ghost! I'll have to spray again mid-week next week, but for the most part, they've gone. The cats have stopped scratching, and the fleas have stopped hopping onto me. It was a bad 24 hours when the cats first got their drops!

I'm Worn Out!

I feel like I've been taking care of other people's needs all week. I finally shut down last night. I mean shut down. I started refusing phone calls, invitaitons, conversations, friendships, pleas for help, and just folks saying "hi." I'm just tired out.

I feel like I've been pulled in a dozen different directions this past week. I feel like my insides are raw. I just need about 36 hours of peace.

When I get worn out like this, my boundaries begin to discintegrate, and people walk all over my needs, my desires and my life. I can't defend myself. The only defense is to check out. I saw it coming, so I didn't have to be nasty to anyone, but man! I'm so tired.

I didn't even know what day it was for several days running. I couldn't keep the calendar straight. I missed my meds one day. I had so much junk going on that I got emotional and melted down a couple of times.

Most folks don't even recognize when this is happening in me. I have such a cool, calm, controlled demeanor. I keep an iron lid on my emotions.

For instance...

I needed to do some laundry - so I packed it into the car, checked the soap and headed to the store for more. I got to the store, picked up the soap, and tried to open the trunk to put the soap in with the clothes. The trunk wouldn't open.

I drove over to my new mechanic, he took out the back seat, the bracing, the laundry in the trunk and finally popped the lock. A broken piece of plastic in the lock was the problem. So, he replaced it, put everything back and off I went.

The check I wrote bounced. I forgot about the monthly service charge because I didn't know what day/date it was. I moved money to the account, but the check didn't come through again, and now I have to track it down to collect it.

Example 2...

My landlady showed up unexpected and wanted to chide me about her air conditioner that is leaking water so bad that the outside of the building is soaked. There is mold growing in the window frame in the apartment below me. My landlady wants me to use my towels to soak up the water. I'll give you a hint - I don't have enough towels to do that for one day, much less the rest of the season. And she doesn't pay for laundry or provide facilities. But it's somehow my fault that her air conditioner is old, moldy, full of god knows what, and leaks water. Bullshit! I'm not enabling her behaviors. She needs to spend the money on the building instead of whatever she's spending it on, and replace the air conditioners. She didn't bring her keys, so I had to stick around to lock up - and I was running late for...

A friend, whom I love, hurt herself and can't drive right now. She needed a trip to the chiropractor early in the week - it was a 5 hour expedition. Later in the week, she was out of groceries, and her credit card had been lost, so she needed to pay a bill in person. It was only 3 hours, but I was late for something else, and totally forgot about it. I wandered around K-Mart intending to get cat litter, and then saw the lines. I left empty-handed about an hour after I arrived, and got home. There was a message on the machine for the dinner I'd agreed to a week ago. I'm driving, they are buying. So, I quickly cleared up the inbox and ran.

An entire afternoon blown to hell. I need to pack. I need to nap. I wake up with a headache every single day in this place. I can't handle the heat and the only A/C is the unit in my bedroom. I don't sleep well here, so I nap in the afternoon, after I've done my major bits of work. Then, I clear up when I wake up and pack till bedtime.

My schedule is blown. My life feels like a shambles. Moving is a bitch! But all these extra distractions are more than I can handle. And I need more meetings to keep me centered. Ain't gonna happen until I'm moved to the house...

Late last night, another distraction called - it was after 10pm. I told her it was too late to call. She pouted, too bad. I'm over it. That's another situation for another entry...

Packing!

I hate packing and moving more than dishes! And I hate doing the dishes! I hate all housework. It's dumb, futile, and useless busywork that needs to be done even when you don't want to do it.

But packing! That is something you volunteer to do. You do it because you want to MOVE someplace else. Yeah - my house, I know...

I moved so much as a kid that I really hate it. I lost so much stuff over the years that I would just as soon take the important things - photos, momentos, the cats, clothes and bathroom gear, and leave the rest.

I can't do that, of course.

I have to actually pack the books, the dishes, the knick-knacks, and CDs. I have to pack the clothes, the bathroom stuff, the pictures on the walls, the office supplies, the computers, all the JUNK that I accumulate to be able to live comfortably in one place.

I have 3 computers, 4 printers, an extra monitor and keyboard. I think I gave away the corded mouse, and all kinds of other junk for the computers. I have a whole box of just computer parts and pieces. That's not including all the ink cartridges (new, as the used ones will be recycled or tossed - NOT packed!).

I used to live like a snail, in a trailer that I connected to my truck when I wanted to move. That was so much more reasonable. Maybe not socially acceptable, but reasonable. I never had to worry about packing. When I finally sold that trailer and bought a bigger one, it took 3 van loads to move the stuff over. I had no idea I had so much stuff!

I won't even go into the expense of moving, as that's a whole different world altogether. This rant is just about the act of packing and pruning. The pruning part is good.

I get to go through all the junk and decide what to keep and what to toss. I have a lot of paper around here that will get tossed or shredded. That's a good thing.

Paper is heavy. My sister and I learned that from when Mom passed. It's a big pain to deal with when somebody dies - all that paper junk. I don't know how other people deal with it, but we actually have to read it - look it over and decide what to do with it. At least we did for Mom.

I don't want my sis to have to deal with that much paper when I go. I need to clear this junk out. Not that I'm planning to die anytime soon, mind you, but it takes a good bit of planning to not leave a mountain of paper behind.

It must be all those downed trees getting even with us. The weight of the paper.

Strange Developments

Last night, I had a fire in an electrical outlet. It caused me to evacuate overnight while the property owner did a "temporary fix" and capped off the outlet. The outlet took another with it, so I am down to one outlet in the front room.

The landlady will have an electrician come in, and the Fire Department was pretty adamant that they want an inspection. However, I'm back in my home and while it is not as functional as I'd like, at least my family and I are together again. I have my favorite chair again. I have my own bed again. I have my shower with all the hot water I can handle again.

I haven't checked the fridge to see what got wasted, but I didn't open it after the power was cut. That should be fine.

It's just a real wake-up call for me. This really is an unsafe place for me anymore....

I'm looking for a place to stay while my house is being built - which will take another year. Hard to find, but I'm sure it will show up.

God willing, the place will shine out of the places that are available.