Friends???

I have a "friend" who keeps harping on what I should be doing. She is in her own bag of shit, and yet she keeps judging me for what I'm not doing and not able to do.

I listen to her, and I hear all the stuff that's wrong. How this person or that institution wronged her, how this isn't working out, her lawn is a foot tall, her dog need more maintenance...

What I don't hear is how she was grateful to wake up this morning, that she had water to shower with, and drink, that she has a dog that loves her, that she has a house with a yard.... I don't hear any gratitude at all.

Yet, she harps on how messed up my life is, how I don't eat right, and what I shouldn't include in the room I'm renting. I'm sorry, but even renting a hotel room, you get a bed and dresser!!! You get a closet! Shit!!! What does she think a person wants - a blank, empty room???? I don't think so!!!

So, I've decided to see less of this person. She can go off and be miserable by herself. Maybe her sponsor can jump her ass. She won't listen to me, because she knows everything. I've tried to be a good friend, and to support her and confront her, as she needed me to do; but I can't do it anymore. The price is too high. My sanity and serenity are too important.

If I'm a little flaky once in a while, that's fine. I can do that. I'm more creative most days, than not. That makes me less than attentive to the details sometimes. I pay attention to my life by what needs the attention. If someone has advice or a suggestion, I'll listen - not necessarily take their advice or suggestion. I'll listen - that's the bargain.

So, that's my rant for tonight. I can't call anyone at this hour, but I can blog. Thank goodness for the internet!

Blood Pressure went wacky...

I thought maybe it was the stress put myself under, but after careful examination, it seems that it was just too long between doses of my medicine, combined with the stress, that escalated it.

I've decided to try an experiment for a few days before I run to the Docs to fix it...

Take my meds roughly 12 hrs apart instead of on awakening and at bedtime. Sometimes, I have to get up really early, and my days go for close to 20 hours. That's too long between meds, so if I make it a 12 hr cycle, things should calm down.

I'll be doing a 10am-10pm cycle. I get up a lot earlier than that, and I'm often up at least another 2-3 hours at night, so this should work.

If nothing else, it will steady my blood pressure while I'm working through my stressful situation.

I have another 2 weeks to complete a major change in my work life - and with any luck and a lot of determination, it should be completed by the end of this week. I'll have to be on my toes for another 2 months after this, too, so that the habits I create now will become just that - habits.

So, keeping the BP under control really helps. Did I tell you the side effect of bouncing BP??? Emotional insanity. I become a basket case. The little things take on huge dimensions. Everything seems much more important than it really is.

God is in Charge. God knows what God is doing. I don't have to. And my biggest problem today is that I hate change. I hate to make new habits, a detour in my route, my cats acting weird, or running out of something I use all the time. Am I set in my ways? Yes. A resounding Yes! I know what works for me and what doesn't.

The broken parts though - it's so hard to let go of them...

Like an old friend, that broken habit or item takes up time or space in my life. If I let them go, what will happen? I'll be somehow less????

NO~ God always takes things away so that he can make room for something better.

And I am grateful that my life is so full that I have to let things go to "make room" for new things.

God Bless....
Have a good week...

Getting My Gratitude Back

I had a friend in from Memphis for a visit today. He's my accountant, but he hadn't seen the house yet. It was nice to visit. He was very happy with this house, and it reminded me of where I came from...

Yeah, keep that in mind!

Also, Habitat has made some movement. In a good way. The head electrician and project manager came out to check items. I've been promised a roofer for the drip edge, and a circuit replacement if that circuit blows again. The plumber was due today, but weather likely kept him busy.

Gratitude....

You know, the last 2 blog entries have been gripes...

I'm so grateful I can gripe about something! I should be dead - really dead. I drove drunk, sometimes in a black out. I tried to kill myself one drink at a time for 25 years.

Buying cherries is a luxury. Cable is a luxury. To be able to move into a house of my own - that's just incredible! I don't "deserve" it. If I got what I deserved, I'd be dead - again with that....

Luxury problems. I didn't have luxury for a long time. I'm grateful for my luxury problems....