FEAR is overblown reactions to what is happening....

Yeah, there are acronyms for everything...

False Evidence Appearing Real
Fuck Everything And Run
Face Everything And Recover....


Well, this fear is an oldie...

I am terrified of the good stuff.
I'm afraid the rug will be pulled out from under me.
I wait for the other shoe to drop.

I've had so many dashed dreams, that actually achieving or receiving a good thing is almost impossible for me to believe.

This happened when my current job came to me, too. I couldn't trust that it was real. The contract was sent, the job offered, the contract signed, the training schedule in place - but I couldn't let go of the little job I had. The lifestyle is perfect, the money is great, and the work is fun. This can't be real! Right? But it is real. I still love my job, almost 19 months later.

Well, I have the same thing going on right now with my house. I'm afraid it will fall through, and I'm having trouble packing. Believe me, I want OUT of where I'm living like nobody's business.

I'm over the allergies, mess, filth, broken parts, no ventilation, peeling paint, and rolling floors. I'm over a landlady who wants me to fix her crap all the time. I'm over air conditioning that barely works and causes mold in the process. I'm over electrical issues, smelling drugs and cigarettes from the other apartments, the careless tenants, the noise, the gunshots down the street....

Yeah, I need to move.

But I'm so afraid of my new place - it's too good. It's too perfect. I have to sabotage it somehow. I have to screw up so that it will go away and I'm stuck here forever in this hell-hole of an apartment.

I KNOW my fear is irrational! That doesn't make it any less real. It's still a fear.

I can only pray, face the fear and recover through it. The more I share about it, the less power it has over me.