People Stupid, Holidays, Reflections on Sobriety

It seems the holidays are in full swing. I have finals coming up, too. This year (2011) has just seemed to fly by.

Parties, school, finals, meetings, changes - all happening pretty quickly this year. Friends and family have passed on, other friends have come to join me on my journey. There was even a birth early this year, adding to my family.

Sobriety has been a gift this year. Not that hard to be sober. I've had a couple of cravings - mostly when something else was going on, like taking pain pills for toothache before I had the teeth pulled.

However, I still feel like I'm kinda people-stupid.

I have a "friend/sponsee" who just dumps on me. I don't know how to stop that kind of thing, and it's really annoying. But I do it to my sponsor, too. Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be. I just wish I could steer her into a more healthy way of dealing with stuff. But I know you have to go through it to the other side. There is no shortcut to growing up.

Then there's the way I communicate with my aunt and uncle. It's like I can't ever say what I mean - or the words get jumbled up and come out wrong. It can't all be my brain-fart - my neurological wiring problem. It's like I don't realize how my words sound to folks. Maybe I really don't know how I sound to folks. Maybe that's my biggest problem?

I've been crocheting this coat. I had one sleeve front completely done, and decided it looked wrong. There must have been a pattern mistake or something. I even sent an e-mail to the folks who wrote the book! So, I took it all out and tried to figure out how it should go. About half-way through, I realized that the pattern WAS right, and my "thinking" was messed up. I pulled out what I'd just done and started to re-do the sleeve again. That's my thinking with people in a nutshell. I think I know what I mean to say, but the words get all messed up in my thinking....

Yep, I know it all and realize I don't. Got to follow directions better....

Woo Hoo!

I got my ISBN Numbers just a few moments ago! It's been a hard month - saving all around to get them. But now, I have them. I can begin in earnest on the book. - Not like I hadn't been working on it, but now I can get stuff in production!

Woo Hoo!!!!

If I could dance a jig, I'd be dancing....

Weight Waiting....

Ok. I admit it. I'm overweight. Not just overweight, but obese. It's time to fix it. I have been looking at solutions and trying to find a way that I can do that won't cost more than I can afford or that won't cause more pain and damage to my joints - which are stressed to the max because of my weight...

I found HCG and I've been investigating it. I finally found a supplier that makes the drops without alcohol - which is important for a recovering alcoholic!

bit.ly/sxFX1t
is the Official HCG Solution Diet site.

It's where to go for information, supplements, support, questions and answers and instructions. You can get the drops and everything you need. And when I looked at the same product at GNC, it was laced with alcohol, cost just $4 less, but it had no packet of information to go with it! How to eat, how it works and everything else was just left to your own figuring out.

I will be blogging about my experience here, so stay tuned.

I expect there will be some pretty interesting stuff happening - since a lot of my weight issues have to do with psychological stuff as much as quitting smoking. It's a journey...

I Get Frustrated

I get so frustrated with computer stuff! I was trying to build a new page for my website, and the photos were all too big.

I got really upset, yelling at my cat to shut up because he decided to whine at just that moment. I told a friend who called that I couldn't talk right then, and I closed down the computers. I stepped away.

I went to take a shower and then called a computer-savvy friend. She directed me to a website that would help me to reduce the file sizes. Thank GOD for friends!

I just hate it when different computer systems don't work right. I have several computers here and I block Flash programs as a matter of course. These often contain viruses and cookies that slow down or actually attack, my computer systems. So, I just don't allow any of it unless I know where it's from and what it's supposed to do. This goes for MAC and Windows alike. I've had really bad experiences with it.

Well, the new Flash programs don't work with my older MAC and I don't want to upgrade the operating system. I think it's bunk.

And the newest Windows - version 7, won't work with Flash because Flash is outdated. That's bunk, too!

Where does that leave me? Frustrated! I think it's time to kick Adobe in the ass and find another application - ending their tyranny and monopoly.

Folks complain about Microsoft - check out Adobe!

Limits, Boundaries and Serenity

I'm finding that serenity is more important to me than anything else these days. I can't take a lot of craziness or disturbance. I need peace.

Sometimes, I do too much and pass my limits. It causes pain and frustration, and I have to curtail my activities. I went grocery shopping on Friday. It wasn't a lot, and it took less than an hour. But walking all over the supermarket to fill my list distracted me from my legs. By the time I got the groceries into the car, I knew I was spent. From my waist down, I burned and hurt.

I took some analgesic and stayed off my legs the rest of the evening. I didn't try to go to my meeting. By last night, I was able to go to meeting and get down, and then back up, the stairs. But I felt every step. I used the cane with extra support, and felt unsteady. I wonder if I need even more assistance...

I have a dear friend who is going through some really tough times. She is trying to get better, but life is coming at her hard right now. I feel for her, I really do. But her craziness is hard for me to be around. She needed a ride on Wednesday, so I came with my car. I took along my crochet bag and worked on a project, so she could do what she needed to do, and we had a little visit before her appointment. After her appointment, she made a phone call and got another ride home.

I haven't heard from her, so I can only pray she's OK. During our visit, she talked non-stop. We hadn't seen each other for several weeks, and a lot has happened in my life, what with losing a cousin and deciding to transfer to University. So, I wonder if I can continue to be around her if she can't hear me. Yes, she needs to be heard, too, but friendship is give-and-take, isn't it?

I have another dear friend who just lost her job after 20 years when the company she worked for was sold. I haven't spoken to her in a while, either, and we had a nice, long conversation a few days ago. We didn't have to make a big deal about it, just a nice conversation. I had my coffee, she had hers. We caught up. Give and take, and strong support for each other.

Serenity is important. That peace that surpasses understanding. It comes with faith, direction, acceptance and a sense that all is right with the world.

I know that my pain is because I did too much and expected too much of my body. It is no longer the body of a young lady, and I forget that. I need to listen better, and learn to do that while I'm doing other things.

I know that my newly unemployed friend will be OK. She did nothing wrong, and the next step in her life is what is supposed to happen. One door closing and another opening. She has time to sit and catch up with herself to decide which door to open.

My other friend, the one in crisis...
I can only pray for her. She's running from pillar to post right now, and can't sit long enough to get quiet and hear the voice of God. I can only pray that when she contacts me, my words will be the ones she needs to hear. She teaches me my limits and shortcomings when we interact, so I'm grateful for her, but her life is hard to witness right now.

I know that her pain and changes are not my pain and changes. I know that I have not caused these things to happen in her life. I know that I did not cause my other friend to lose her job. The only thing I did in my own life, that is under my control, is doing too much walking in the grocery store. So that is my part.