Overcoming Bad Feelings....

I've been in a funk lately. I reacted badly to some things in my life, and I started to spiral down. My reaction was one of creativity.

I've picked up the crochet, and made myself a little blank book. I spend all today working on the book.


The glue is still wet, so it has to sit out and open overnight. At least overnight.

I'm working on this crochet pattern:

I added some rows to the pattern so that it will make a nice stole, so this printout is only about half the size of the finished stole. I'm making it in black yarn.

When I get upset, depressed and otherwise unhappy, the best way for me to get out of it is to connect with that Universal Force and Intuition. I connect with the Universal Creative Force. I get out of that nasty place right away.

I don't like being unhappy. I don't like being depressed. I don't like feeling helpless. This is my remedy.

Writing, Friends, Honesty

I've been half-heartedly writing a fiction piece every so often. I got a slew of emails right after mid-January, announcing quite a few writing contests. Unfortunately, I'd published all my latest to Facebook, so they weren't eligible for entry. Been keeping the new work close to the chest in response. I want to build a catalog of unpublished work I can submit.

In the friends arena, I've found some forked-tongue folks. I made a new friend, but she had to move away suddenly. I hope she comes back, but she's a friend for life. I have a few of these friends who move away and yet remain my friend. It's like we are meant to connect and then they move to where they are supposed to be. I have a network all over the globe, anymore. It's nice, but lonely, too. I want to have dinner, go out for coffee, sit and chat, and crochet together....

*****

 

 Honesty is an area where I'm finding difficulty because of others. I feel judged because of what I say. I speak honestly, and sometimes feel like it's the wrong thing to say.

For instance, maybe because of my education, or maybe the way I've lived and the people I've known - I'm very open to gay women. I have a lot of gay women friends, and though I don't categorize myself as gay, I am not threatened at all by them. I welcome their raw honesty and insight. I find that most gay women don't lie to themselves, and I like that. I want that self-honesty in my life.

This seems to offend the locals.


Next, I'm not a Christian. I've tried, I really have!!!
But Christianity does not "click" with my insides. I call myself a Pagan, though I don't follow any particular path. My spiritual training has been Hindu, Buddhist, Jewish, Mysticism, Kabalah, New Age, and more. I find truth in many sources, and listen to the message, not the messenger. That puts up walls around me that I can't seem to get through. It's like I'm marked with nasty red "X"s all over my life - or tainted....

  Photo by Badger

Sometimes, I speak a little rough. In this southern Appalachian region, that seems to offend the locals, also. Women aren't supposed to talk like that. I was raised by a swearing mom who went hell-for-leather to the nasty stuff whenever she got angry. I take after her. I've learned that some of my language reflects mental states that I work to alleviate. But some of my rough language is just me making a point.



I will always be an outsider around here. I know that. I don't have three generations of ancestors here. This region is very "clannish" and likely always will be. However, I wish to understand them and their outlook toward life. I respect their viewpoints. I don't much care for the climate, but that's OK. I love the literature and humor. I love the self-sufficiency and self-reliance I see in the people. They are sturdy and stalwart, if sometimes a little rigid. Not at all what I was led to believe before I moved here.

My loneliness is speaking today. My friend is far away and others are shunning me. I know I probably have a good part in this, but I don't see all of it right now.

****

On the bright side, the new diet plan and medical care is working. I've dropped a significant amount of weight - over 10% - since the first of the year. It's expensive, but I'll keep it up as long as my finances hold out.

Been having trouble

I've been having trouble writing blog posts. It won't load on my computer. I've restarted the computer several times to clear out the cache, but it just kept "loading" forever.

I guess Google got it straightened out a bit because this post is working.

I won't post anything else tonight, just Thank You to Google for getting Blogger to work.

Partial Diagnosis and Going Forward

I received a partial diagnosis of my long-term malady on January 4th. The doctor said my adrenal glands were depleted and in the "Adrenal Steal" stage of depletion. This is why my insulin response is off, and why I put on weight so easily.

I was told about depleted adrenal glands back in 1986-7 somewhere. I took supplements for about a year and thought I was better. Apparently, that was a temporary fix.

Last week, I changed my diet completely. I'm gluten-free and dairy-free. I've spent the time since by giving away a lot of food and restocking my pantry.

The doctor said that dairy foods were aggravating my "inflammation response" which is what caused adrenal depletion to begin with.

Removing gluten from my diet will support my microbiome, which is also compromised and showing signs of "leaky gut syndrome" without going all the way to leaky gut. I have an overgrowth of H-Pylori, and removing gluten will help to reverse that.

***NOTE: 
Our microbiome is in our digestive tract (stomach and intestines, including the colon), and is a delicate balance of bacteria and yeasts (fungi). It helps to digest foods we consume and extract the nutrients.

We all have some H-Pylori in our microbiome. Yes, it can be "killed" by a special antibiotic regime. That doesn't really help us. We need this bacteria in our microbiome, as it serves a purpose. 

An overgrowth of H-Pylori can lead to GERD and Reflux. If H-Pylori is allowed to take over the stomach, upsetting the balance of yeast/bacteria - or taking over as the only bacteria, it can lead to ulcers and bleeding in the digestive tract.
***

I gave 7 pages of medical history to the doctor. I skipped about 10-12 years of stuff that I thought was over and done, but HE told ME - those years and what I went through!

Apparently, it started when I was 16 and sprained my ankle. My ankle never quite healed properly because I couldn't stay off it. That was the beginning. Add all the other stuff (not sharing it online), and I've basically had inflammation going since....

WOW!!!

I have another test this upcoming week, to see if my inner ear is what's causing my dizziness and inability to walk a straight line. I sit quietly, and the room starts spinning, so I hope something shows up. I'm tired of falling over, walking into walls and open doors.

Other than that, I'm waiting for the referral to Vanderbilt in Nashville for further testing.

On to other things....

I haven't been writing much since December. I guess I'm burned out. At least temporarily.

I got a lot of resources at the first of the year about writing contests. If I hadn't posted my stories to Facebook, I could enter them into the contests. Live and learn....

I've been learning to cook a whole new way, with the diet changes. It's hard to remember to eat from all three macronutrient categories for each meal. I often forget one. So far, protein is the biggest loser.

My website is languishing. Coding up the recipes for the website is really involved. I end up typing the recipe up three times to make it work. This is my process:

• First, I type it into the recipe analyzing program. 
• Next, I code it up for uploading to the website, adding a photograph. 
• Finally, I put it in a pdf file that can be downloaded and printed.

I decided to offer my services for weddings. I'm an ordained minister, and I have a spiritual sensibility that makes me perfect for alternative couples and alternative faiths. So, why not offer my services and do something for people who need it? I set up a special mailbox and put an ad on Craigslist.

I also signed up to teach an Excel class at the local Senior's Center. Only three classes, to see how it goes. That's next month. As long as I can talk and present the information, I can still teach a little.

So, lots going on. Meanwhile....

I've been meditating and thinking about my lifestyle and my isolation. I'm an intentional, intense introvert, so being around people has to be planned and I have to allow myself to recover from every interaction. 

I want to connect with people, but it's tough. It takes a lot to open up to people beyond the surface stuff - and to listen to others. Sometimes, it feels like I'm living in a sheeple-filled vacuum. So few people think for themselves or stand on their own two feet emotionally.

Everyone is tied up in the latest political guffaw - like I was for a while. I got worn out, and re-focused my attention to my immediate world because that's what affects me the most. Then, I refocused again, to my little section of that immediate world.

We KNOW this president is incapable of running the country and is a mysoginist, racist pig. So what?

Yes, it reflects badly on the country and our people. Yes, many of our citizens are in fear and feeling insecure.

There is nothing I can do for them in the greater world, but in my little world, I can be inclusive, safe, and supportive. I can be intelligent, spiritual and compassionate, even though I'm an introvert.

Those are my thoughts and feelings right now.

NaNoWriMo and New Site Pages

Well, I only got 6180 words for Nano... BUT

I put up maybe 15 pages on the new website  No Type 2 Life . Some of the pages took coding, and since they are recipes, I had to enter the information twice. Once to track calories and macronutrients, and once for the website page. That first time wasn't checked because it went into MyFitnessPal.

Plus all the other pages. And the re-work of the breadcrumb links (linking between pages). And getting the exercise pages started. And got a newsletter issue out. OH, and the background was too distracting, so I faded it out. That took several hours of tinkering in Photoshop.

So, maybe I only got roughly 6100 words for Nano - But I wrote a massive amount. Not so bad, taken in context. AND there were three completed short stories in the Nano writing!

Grammarly checked my pages, and that showed over 31,000 words checked. That doesn't include FB.

And meanwhile Facebook has been fighting me. And the political situation has made it difficult for me to work. The Net has slowed to a crawl. And now this horrible tax bill that makes it difficult if not impossible for start-up businesses to grow.

I see where this thing can go on this. I see license distribution. I see B&M clinics across the country selling the supplements, counseling folks and teaching the exercises. I see a real change in the pre-diabetic world and the threat of obesity.

But that takes an immense investment of time and money. I don't know if I can do it. I don't know where to get the money. I have time, but not enough. I need experts brought on board.

So, over all, I've been pretty productive.