One of my little pleasures in life is watching the original Star Trek episodes on Saturday night. We have a local station (ME-TV) that carries it, and I sit down on Saturday night to my dinner and watch it before the late movies come on.
This week, the episode was where Kirk, Chekov and Uhura were on the transporter platform and were abducted to a planet many light years away. They were imprisoned on a world where gladiatorial contests were the norm for the humanoid slaves captured from around the universe. They wore neck collars and wagering was done on several outcomes by "the providers" who ran things.
One way to "increase" the combatants was to interbreed them. Shortly after Kirk and the others arrived, Uhura was "chosen" by a barbarian from this planet. The scene was tastefully done, but the screams and noises made it clear she was being raped.
Obviously, there was nothing Uhura could have done to prevent it, even though she fought back. Kirk and Chekov were in separate cells, down the corridor. Kirk objected, but could not reach Uhura to protect her. The barbarian straightened his clothes as he left. Uhura was dressed as always, not a hair out of place and her makeup was as always. Kirk asked her if she was "OK" afterwards, and she nodded. She NODDED!
She was NOT OK!
No mention of this incident by Kirk when he confronted the providers and reasoned for their release. No mention of Uhura's trauma to Bones when they returned to the ship. Nothing.
This episode triggered an episode of PTSD in me. As a youngster, I was molested. I was raped in my teens several times. Once, I was gang-raped at knifepoint. Once, I was abducted and raped. Los Angeles was NOT a nice place to grow up, but since I didn't know anywhere else, I lived through it. The first time I was raped, at 14, I reported it. I never reported another rape. As for the molester - let's say that Stockholm Syndrome won the day until long after he'd died.
I was NOT OK!
Recovery from all this is an ongoing process. I have PTSD from it. It messes with my relationships - especially my male-female relationships. The trauma informs my writing and my determination to be more than a survivor.
I wish that there had been a warning at the beginning of the Star Trek episode. I might not have watched it and saved myself the bad dreams, lost sleep, and "checking out" that I did for two days.
Yes, I checked out of my life for two days. I ate things that I know to be bad for me. I didn't talk about it. I didn't know how to talk about it. I didn't know who to talk with. I didn't even realize that I'd been triggered.
I finally realized all this early this morning when my dreams finally came, and I saw the terrible truth of all this.
Now, I can take care of myself again.
Now, I can forgive myself again.
It was NOT my fault. My body is mine. No one is allowed to touch me without my permission.
No hugs, handshakes, kisses on the cheek....
Nothing.
This week, the episode was where Kirk, Chekov and Uhura were on the transporter platform and were abducted to a planet many light years away. They were imprisoned on a world where gladiatorial contests were the norm for the humanoid slaves captured from around the universe. They wore neck collars and wagering was done on several outcomes by "the providers" who ran things.
One way to "increase" the combatants was to interbreed them. Shortly after Kirk and the others arrived, Uhura was "chosen" by a barbarian from this planet. The scene was tastefully done, but the screams and noises made it clear she was being raped.
Obviously, there was nothing Uhura could have done to prevent it, even though she fought back. Kirk and Chekov were in separate cells, down the corridor. Kirk objected, but could not reach Uhura to protect her. The barbarian straightened his clothes as he left. Uhura was dressed as always, not a hair out of place and her makeup was as always. Kirk asked her if she was "OK" afterwards, and she nodded. She NODDED!
She was NOT OK!
No mention of this incident by Kirk when he confronted the providers and reasoned for their release. No mention of Uhura's trauma to Bones when they returned to the ship. Nothing.
This episode triggered an episode of PTSD in me. As a youngster, I was molested. I was raped in my teens several times. Once, I was gang-raped at knifepoint. Once, I was abducted and raped. Los Angeles was NOT a nice place to grow up, but since I didn't know anywhere else, I lived through it. The first time I was raped, at 14, I reported it. I never reported another rape. As for the molester - let's say that Stockholm Syndrome won the day until long after he'd died.
I was NOT OK!
Recovery from all this is an ongoing process. I have PTSD from it. It messes with my relationships - especially my male-female relationships. The trauma informs my writing and my determination to be more than a survivor.
I wish that there had been a warning at the beginning of the Star Trek episode. I might not have watched it and saved myself the bad dreams, lost sleep, and "checking out" that I did for two days.
Yes, I checked out of my life for two days. I ate things that I know to be bad for me. I didn't talk about it. I didn't know how to talk about it. I didn't know who to talk with. I didn't even realize that I'd been triggered.
I finally realized all this early this morning when my dreams finally came, and I saw the terrible truth of all this.
Now, I can take care of myself again.
Now, I can forgive myself again.
It was NOT my fault. My body is mine. No one is allowed to touch me without my permission.
No hugs, handshakes, kisses on the cheek....
Nothing.
