Humility vs. Passivity

I'm not proud that I'm an alcoholic. I'm not ashamed of it, either. It's just one fact of my life, not all of my life. I am in recovery. I'm not proud of that, and I'm not ashamed of it. Recovery is how I remind myself that I'm an alcholic and stay away from the first drink. It isn't something to be ashamed of, but it isn't something to be proud of either.

Some people wear recovery as a badge of honor. Others seem to allow it to become their whole identity. I can't do that. I appreciate recovery and what it means for me. I pass on what I know about getting and staying sober to those who want it. I don't waste my time on people who don't want it.
I tell my doctors that I'm an alcoholic. I don't want drugs or alcohol in my life today, so I make sure they don't prescribe something that may lead me back to addiction. But it isn't a badge of honor or a badge of shame. It just is.



I've been thinking about other stuff in regards to humility, too. Like this "#metoo" campaign on social media. It isn't a badge of honor. Or a badge of courage. Or a badge of shame. But people who've been assaulted, sexually molested, raped, and had to suffer unwelcome overtures after they said "no" clearly, are often made to feel like they are the bad guys.

I had a job once where the junior computer tech was friendly and seemed to be OK. Then, he sent me an obscene email through the company email system. I was offended. I reported it to my supervisor. I told the guy not to send that kind of stuff. He seemed to get into trouble, and was put on notice that that kind of stuff - especially through company email - was not OK.

I had another job once where the VP would come up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders. I sat in a public area but a little off to the side. I felt very uncomfortable - yet flattered. I was a lot younger, then.

Another job where I witnessed a young woman singled out by the new owner of the company. She was married, yet he would call her into his office and close the door. He had another company and moved her over there when she became uncomfortable with all of us. Later, she sued him and I was a witness.

This kind of thing happens too often. It isn't being humble when we let these people do this and get away with it. They need to know that we don't go to work to have a sexual predator fondle us or make suggestive comments to us. We go to work to support our families. To support our kids. To support ourselves. We go to work to exercise our minds. Very few women I know go to work to find a sexual liaison with their boss.

Feel Like I'm Losing a Friend....

I have a friend who promises and never follows through. This time, it was a little more serious. Not life-threatening, but it still messed up my schedule, so I need to deal with this...

She said she would come over and help pack - or at least help me pack my stuff by directing me into the next area. I'm still pretty overwhelmed by all the junk I have!

So, I went about my morning, expecting to see her in the afternoon. I got home, and there was a message - she had an appointment that would take about 1 1/2 hours. OK, so I waited and just went about housework, nothing big. I called just before she was due to get out, to confirm that I was waiting and to call me when she was ready.

I never heard from her.

Now the thing about this is, I could have used the afternoon to do a big chore, like laundry, to pack my clothes, to pack the kitchen or whatever. But not hearing from her, I'm now behind my schedule. I waited. I hoped. I considered her and accommodated her. Not hearing from her was not considerate.

I don't expect the moon. I just expect to be kept in the loop. I have enough people not calling me back when I've called them. When I've made plans based on the assumption that they were involved - and they are the only other persons involved, it messes up my thinking and my schedule. I can do something else, if I know that person won't be involved.

This isn't the first time she's done this. I think that she genuinely wants to be friends, but she has a problem. It's called alcoholism. She's drinking on and off.

I'm afraid I'm losing her. I can't be her sponsor and her friend - she doesn't want that. I can't stop her from drinking. All I can do is try to be here for her. But I have to protect myself also. And right now, this type of behavior is very disruptive. I have enough going on without her behaviors.

I'm afraid I'll lose her before the dust settles.